[DP_2017]

Does anyone else struggle with feeling you are worth love from anyone? Even care?

I do not like depending on anyone, I hate it. I don't like getting close to people. Sometimes my best friend will tell me she loves me in text, I laugh and never believe her.

I truly can not understand why anyone would LOVE or CARE about me, without a reason.... I'm trying to work on this in therapy but just curious if anyone else has felt this way

[Shazerac]

Feeling unworthy of love is a very common curse for victims of childhood emotional neglect. It might be helpful to contemplate that you don’t need any reason to be worthy of love other than existing. We are all worthy of love no matter how damaged we may feel. It’s also common to be afraid and not want to depend on anyone. We depended on love when were children and didn’t get it. So of course feeling the need is going to be scary and not worth the effort.

Sometimes I go so far as to declare that I’m not worthy of love and that there must be something wrong with someone who claims to love me. “I’m damaged goods! How could you possibly love me?”

Working on it in therapy has helped me a lot.

[shezbut]

Oh, yes. I really struggle with this concept ~ and I always have.

I recall not believing my parents when they told me that they loved me, when I was a child & I still feel the same way. Boyfriends (and my ex-hub) I can't help but believe that they simply have ulterior motives for telling me that I'm beautiful, wonderful, loved...whatever. It is **really** hard for me to believe them. Even though I've been in therapy for 30+ years!

I am trying to get through this, but a part of me wants to just give up hope. That's life though, right? Ups and downs are a reality for everyone.

[magicalprince]

Yeah, I relate to feeling this way...

But honestly? Everyone is worthy of love, just sometimes our definition of "love" is kinda murky.

And then, yeah, everyone is worthy of love... but not from everyone else, you know what I mean?

If someone says they love you but you don't feel loved, that's another thing too. For example some people say "I love you" to a lot of different people so when they say "I love you" they kinda mean "I love people [in general]"

Love the word does not always equal love the emotion. Also there are many different kinds of emotional love.

So really, it's subjective.

It's hard to define your worth by a feeling.

I prefer to focus on whether or not people will support me in accomplishing my goals rather than thinking about whether or not they love me. The latter is just too nebulous to pin it down. IMO enjoy it when you feel it, try not to sweat it when you don't.

But then it's another thing when you have a chronic feeling of being unloved. That's not the same as just not feeling loved.

A chronic feeling of being unloved is actually loneliness. But loneliness is mostly a product of either not knowing what you want or not knowing how to/not thinking you can accomplish it. So being loved won't really make that feeling go away.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, I feel this way and always have as well, DP_2017. The thought that I could be loved or was a lovable human being etc., were concepts I didn't become aware of until I was 29 - that was in 1998. But it's been a tough nut to crack convincing myself that love is true. I know intellectually and conceptually that's it's true but in my core beliefs I'm inferior, unworthy, etc. These feelings stay with you, but they don't need to decide for you. I've had some nice relationships due to adopting the notion that, yes, everyone can be loved. But again it's wrestling constantly with the adverse thinking patterns.

People can love you because they just want to. That's the only reason they need.

[Fuzzybear]

Yes.. my core beliefs from CEN are “unworthy, inferior, damaged” but these are all lies..

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Yes.. my core beliefs from CEN are “unworthy, inferior, damaged” but these are all lies..

Yes, you're right, and it is all lies, very much so. Thank you.

[graystreet]

Yes, I struggle really hard with this. I don’t know what will make it better; I’ve been in therapy for 25+ years and I think I’m only pretending to have made a dent in healing the scars from my childhood.

[seeker33]

Yes, I have exactly the same issue as a result of CEN and bullying.

[SeekerSeeking]

Hi DP 2017,

I think probably most of us have felt that way at sometime or another…

I came from an extremely abusive background—and in my earlier years I definitely struggled with not feeling worthy of love. I had lots of therapy—and it made a world of difference.

When your best friend tells you, she loves you—she is telling you her experience of you—and you are seeing it through your lens of ‘unlovable.’ And you are discounting how she feels.

If you don’t love you—then how could you believe anyone else would?

I invite you to find help/ways/roads to you loving yourself.

Sounds like you are working on it—and that is a good thing. I wish you well in this journey…

[Anonymous37919]

Saying you aren't worthy of being loved suggests you have had grief and gained low self-esteem. Maybe just disconnect from those who aren't treating you nicely. It gets me down too, but then if they're purposefully berating you, nobody like that is even worth a toss...