Parenting inner child..

What did you do today for your inner child

(I think we can’t have too many of these threads)

I am not a very good parent to my inner child. I need to work on this. I did let myself cry... something I don’t like to do but sometimes you need that...

Stacking bricks, not so neatly

And Papa Bear bought me a new teddy bear

I usually have a hard time crying too.

I wish you well, Sisabel.

Either I cannot find my inner child, or I somehow have become estranged from a sense of the fellow's presence.

Lol, I was about to post - and then I heard this inner voice saying indignantly "I am NOT an inner child". Someone is becoming very adult-teenagerish.

I feel like I have three stages of my inner child... Really little to about elementary school ending, middle school, and high school... I also have a young adult persona, but I'm not sure she counts. I feel very fractured mentally from having so many different personas. I grew up so quickly in my house, thanks to bad situations and worse ones. Now, I feel like major parts of my inner "age" identities are fractured, injured, sick, or confused.

My first persona, my very little to elementary piece, is called Little Kitten, Kitten, or Little One (Or when she's angry, Tiny). She cries a lot and hides even more and she just needs someone to listen to her. It is really hard for me to take her into a warm inner house and bathe her and comb her hair and let her cry and be little and frightened and tell her she is safe.

My second persona, the middle school one, is very quiet. Almost too quiet. I don't have a name for her, because she really doesn't talk and I don't know how to connect to her. I guess I could call her 'Cat' for now, but she was almost erased entirely. She learned not to cry, because crying wasn't safe and never helped her anyways. She doesn't know how to talk about her feelings and the only thing that matters to her is staying under the radar and helping her 'Mom' - our Mom?

Then I have my high school persona, Phoenix. She is highly intellectual, a musician and writer, and very very bitter and angry. She doesn't cry and she doesn't express herself like a normal person. Any expression at all is poured into music or writing or performance. I suppose that is because the only way to get any sort of reaction from my parents was through exceptional schoolwork. Even then, it was never good enough for them and she was always told to 'try harder'. She's a perfectionist with low self worth and is terrified of rejection. I don't know how to reverse those thoughts yet, but I am trying to show her how amazing she is and that it is okay to let her guard down.

Then there's my adult self - Foxy. She has to always be in control of herself; she hates being sick, hates panic attacks, hates crying, hates eating even sometimes. She strives to be completely self reliant and often wishes she was 'less human' or 'less emotional'; then it would be easier to heal, right? She even consistently threw around the word 'parasite' when we couldn't find a job right away. If she has to rely on anyone, she feels deeply uncomfortable and anxious.

So yeah, I guess you could say I have a long ways to go with the different stages of my inner child.... *frowns* I don't know. I feel absolutely crazy posting this and like this makes no sense at all.

we get allowed to say words like "spoggut". we get allowed to walk slow instead of fast. we get allowed to read about emotions on this forum without having to listen to people shouting. we go slow. we can do nothing without being criticised. we can make a list of all the things that need to be done and spend time doing one or two each day. the rest of the times is for US (theoretically). we can/do not feel ashamed.
we like weird words, they make us happy.

Oh, thank you Fuzzybear!!! I just come home from a horribly smashed up day, and when I read "spoggut" I let go of the horribleness. Really need some fun - seems like everyone was being the prima donna today and jerking at our triggers. We didn't lose it, but "ugh spoggut".

Someone recommended the lion king to me a while back. I haven’t watched it.. maybe I will..

Fuzzybear! Thanks for your posts.

I am going out for a pumpkin spice donut in a bit and am going to start reading a book I am looking forward to.

I did a little twirl in my favorite skirt. I used to be too scared to have any joy. I still struggle with accepting that it's okay to have joy. Like, how do people have joy and deal with life at the same time ya know?