Do you feel somehow unworthy because you never had a good relationship with your parents? How do you get over this? I always feel like an outsider who doesn’t measure up.

[ArchieAus]

I mostly just think that "that's how it was " . Life is not a Hollywood movie . Many times a life is not perfect . Sure I feel bitter about it ..and I know that it has an effect on me even now . I also know I carry the genes which influenced that situation . But I don't feel unworthy . I'm out there bumping shoulders with the rest of the seven and a half billion misfits in the world ...and I'm not less than any of them . I'm no better than them , but certainly no less .

[ArchieAus]

Just make your parents irrelevant. I do it so well these days I have practised pretending to be sad when one of the idiots dies , so I don't appear to be an unfeeling monster . I don't wish them Ill , I just have been so successful at making them irrelevant that I know longer have any feelings towards them .

I think over the years I've got used to the fact that my family hated me

it's still hard, and I still have this thought.. well if I can't turn to my own family, then who can I turn to?

and I know when people are nice to me, I'm like to them... why?. I deserve abuse.

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I mostly just think that "that's how it was " . Life is not a Hollywood movie . Many times a life is not perfect . Sure I feel bitter about it ..and I know that it has an effect on me even now . I also know I carry the genes which influenced that situation . But I don't feel unworthy . I'm out there bumping shoulders with the rest of the seven and a half billion misfits in the world ...and I'm not less than any of them . I'm no better than them , but certainly no less .

You’re right. Life is not a Hollywood movie. None of us is promised a smooth, easy ride.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think over the years I've got used to the fact that my family hated me


it's still hard, and I still have this thought.. well if I can't turn to my own family, then who can I turn to?


and I know when people are nice to me, I'm like to them... why?. I deserve abuse.

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

Originally Posted by Sisabel

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

it is nice to hear that.

thank you

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Do you feel somehow unworthy because you never had a good relationship with your parents? How do you get over this? I always feel like an outsider who doesn’t measure up.

Yep. I used to feel like I didn't deserve to be in parks or other public spaces because I hadn't "earned" it, like it was too good for me.

I'm still working on not feeling like the outsider. I think you just have to find good people who have similar values and interests. It takes time though.

Originally Posted by BettysGranddaughter

Yep. I used to feel like I didn't deserve to be in parks or other public spaces because I hadn't "earned" it, like it was too good for me.

I'm still working on not feeling like the outsider. I think you just have to find good people who have similar values and interests. It takes time though.

I feel like an outsider when I meet new people. I have these weird thoughts and feelings that others are more deserving than me because they have a family (parents) that loves them. I’ve been reading a book on neuroplasticity and I know I literally have to train my brain to stop thinking like this.

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I feel like an outsider when I meet new people. I have these weird thoughts and feelings that others are more deserving than me because they have a family (parents) that loves them. I’ve been reading a book on neuroplasticity and I know I literally have to train my brain to stop thinking like this.

Yeah, it's hard work, but the brain's pretty amazing! You'll get there.

[Amyjay]

Yes I do. As a child I learned I am not worthy. I was taught my role in life.
As an adult I am not able to connect with anyone beyond the level of acquantaince or work colleague. It is shameful to say I even feel unable to connect to my children but I do my best to fake it. But how can they not know that?
I am unworthy at everything, in every aspect.
I believe that every human being is worthy of love and respect.

At the same time I am so aware of my failure as a member of the human race. I don't know how to human. I was taught I am less than *****.

[Fuzzybear]

Not sure I have a useful reply to this
I’m not a “useful” bear
I **** things up

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Yes I do. As a child I learned I am not worthy. I was taught my role in life.

As an adult I am not able to connect with anyone beyond the level of acquantaince or work colleague. It is shameful to say I even feel unable to connect to my children but I do my best to fake it. But how can they not know that?

I am unworthy at everything, in every aspect.

I believe that every human being is worthy of love and respect.


At the same time I am so aware of my failure as a member of the human race. I don't know how to human. I was taught I am less than *****.

It’s hard to “unlearn” what we were taught at a young age. ❤️

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Not sure I have a useful reply to this

I’m not a “useful” bear

I **** things up

But you do have a worthy contribution FuzZy. Thank you. ❤️

[Borderline69]

I have long accepted the fact that I'm both loveable and hateable. I think I leave a sour taste with most people once they get to know me. I generally hit it off right away with people or not at all. I'm not bothered by it though bc I also hate crowds and have a deep dislike for a lot of people. Too many fakes walking around , it makes my intuition shiver. I didn't always like my parents bc they didn't take time to understand or know me , I'm ok with that also. I did love them for doing the best with the skills they had, life isn't a fairytale and I don't have princesses syndrome. I'm realistic with high expectations that most ppl will never meet. My parents couldn't possibly have met my needs, v few ppl can.

Yes I feel worthy of everything life gives me, good or bad.😊

Originally Posted by Borderline69

I have long accepted the fact that I'm both loveable and hateable. I think I leave a sour taste with most people once they get to know me. I generally hit it off right away with people or not at all. I'm not bothered by it though bc I also hate crowds and have a deep dislike for a lot of people. Too many fakes walking around , it makes my intuition shiver. I didn't always like my parents bc they didn't take time to understand or know me , I'm ok with that also. I did love them for doing the best with the skills they had, life isn't a fairytale and I don't have princesses syndrome. I'm realistic with high expectations that most ppl will never meet. My parents couldn't possibly have met my needs, v few ppl can.


Yes I feel worthy of everything life gives me, good or bad.

I like that you accept both the lovable and not-so-lovable sides of yourself. I usually like people like you when I meet you... I wish I could shake my need to feel worthy and to be accepted because I get in the way of my own peace of mind. I am working on this and will keep working on it. ❤️

[Anatta]

Yes, I feel unworthy of any sort of support, particularly from my parents who are trying to make up the neglect and abuse of my childhood.

Forming very strong connections with stable people has helped (i.e. my therapist).

You're on the right path with neuroplasticity.

It's learned guilt.

Originally Posted by Anatta

Yes, I feel unworthy of any sort of support, particularly from my parents who are trying to make up the neglect and abuse of my childhood.


Forming very strong connections with stable people has helped (i.e. my therapist).


You're on the right path with neuroplasticity.


It's learned guilt.

Thank you. And best of luck to you too. I hope therapy is helping you. I never did therapy helpful but perhaps I wasn’t truly ready the times I tried therapy. Something to consider anyway.

[Cocosurviving]

I’m “NOT” a religious person I have no clue how I have so much fight in me. I growing up I lived with my mother and her husband. My bio father was not around. My mother from middle school to high school never helped me with my homework. My grades were terrible. She had a bad temper once tried to help with homework. I did not understand something so she got mad and hit me in the head and punched me in my back! I never asked her to help me with homework again. I loved reading and there was a library near our house (I had seen a sign). I figured out on my own how to walk from our house to the library. Then I applied for a library card and started checking out books. I would read on the weekend to escape reality. Down the road after high school I moved out of state my mother did not believe I would do so. I then went to college while working full-time and earned my bachelors degree. She did not attend my graduation. Neither of my parents have a degree and I did it without their help. I’ve been in contact with the bio dad he apologized for being a dead beat. We talk every blue moon. I’ve was a mental health social worker for ten years. I think advocating for others is just in my blood and a long the way I helped myself. I’ve never received therapy for CEN.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

No. You don’t. You don’t deserve abuse.

Nobody deserves abuse. Or neglect. I don’t go with the idea of “making them irrelevant” but if it works for some.

I don’t usually feel unworthy. Or maybe I feel unworthy but know I actually am worthy and more than “good enough” ... and so are you.

Of course, the abusers would INSIST otherwise

PS it’s so quiet in this forum.. doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy..but I know that’s “my stuff”

[mountainstream]

I am unworthy.

[Blueberrybook]

All the time.

Mostly it was my father I felt didn't care about me or think I was worth anything, even when I graduated valedictorian of my high school class. He hated my reading fiction books and writing papers for English and writing short stories in notebooks as a hobby, and I should be using my art skills to draw architecture, not portraits or still-lifes. He wanted me to be excited about math, physics, mechanics, electronics.

When I was in 2nd grade, he was laid off from his job (think it was a company buy-out situation), and he decided he would start his own business. From home.

OMG. A few years down the road, he built a shop on the land my parents owned next to the house (and about double the size too). He repaired things - TVs, VCRS, cars, tractors (lots of local family farms there), etc.

He was never gone except the rare service call. He wanted me to spend all my freetime working in his shop, and none of what he said about fixing things made a bit of sense to me. And of course there was no pay. He verbally abused me all the time and spanked way beyond appropriate age.

My mom just never stood up for me. Let my father have all the say. So I felt judged & worthless in her eyes too. Still often do.

I wanted to major in English in college, then maybe teach; he didn't like that, so I majored in microbiology. It wasn't hard; I was smart, but it wasn't me. I regret I never stood up to him and majored in what I wanted to, but of course, my parents were footing the college bills too. Sigh.

I still don't have a relationship with my dad. I still feel like he doesn't approve of me. He has now found religion, in a huge, Bible-thumper, ultraconservative interpretation of the Bible. He says all H's & my financial problems are because we don't attend church regularly; we are Christian, but it is hard for us to find the time with the tons of stress in our lives. He says I do not have a strong enough relationship to God, obviously God is punishing me for this, and if I did have a strong tie to God, I would have no mental health issues, and my daughter would have no sensory issues. And because I am not an ultra-conservative Republican, political viewpoints such as mine & my husband's (H is from California) are tearing apart the country.

Yeah.

That childhood trash just never goes away.

I can't imagine ever getting over this, and yet I hope one day I can. I have finally, after 20 years of on/off (usually trying once or sometimes twice in a year), I have finally, only about a month ago, found a T I click with and feel like I am making progress with. She's very open and kind, but I get scared too because she has told me a lot of my issues stem from the traumatic events in my life (I have several, but you can bet growing up with my father has been the longest-lasting) and that she is going to help me, but we are going to have to face and deal with all these traumas, and that frightens me because I'm scared of dealing with them. She strikes me very much as a person who, if she says she intends to do something, or this is her treatment plan, she means to follow it. I know she is right, but it is very scary too. And then she drew so many parallels with a parenting situation I had with my daughter and myself as a child growing up with my father, and I was like wow. Every single thing that happened in this situation went straight back to my childhood reactions.

So I have hope this T will get me there or towards there eventually, but it is going to take awhile. I've had nothing but more & more emotional garbage, added traumas. I do think if I stick with her, she will end up helping me a lot, more than any T I've ever had. I am fortunate to have finally found her.

[KYWoman]

Guilt is a strong motivator for CEN and CAN have life long impact on individuals, regardless of how strong we may become. I have struggled with feelings of "unworthiness" many decades in my life! Wading through invalidation is possible, though not easy.

ALL of us are worthy.

[mountainstream]

[Albatross2008]

I constantly feel unworthy. Getting over it is a long slow process but it can be done.

Bits and pieces. One step at a time.

This past weekend, my husband and I renewed our vows for our tenth anniversary. Number one, I can't believe anybody lasted ten years with me. Number two, my husband agreed to the renewal even though he's a social phobic and the opposite of a party person. He put himself out there, showing me by his actions, "I'd marry you again." And then there's everybody who showed up for it... my in-laws flew in from two states away. So many people did so much for us to commemorate the occasion. How did I rate?

Even the morning of the event, I was having negative thoughts. Since I was divorced a few times before I met my husband, I could just *hear* my brother saying, "She's had so many weddings, and now she's even marrying a man she's already married to. She'll do anything to get everybody looking at her." That, of course, is not the reason, but sympathetic family members agreed, it does sound like something he would say.

My husband and my in-laws made sure to tell me I deserve every bit of this, and should enjoy it. Still hard to do. Those negative voices are persistent.

I didn't mean to make this all about me. I was just trying to explain how I relate to feeling unworthy.