[Michah]

Well, I have finally taken the "great leap" and admitted to myself that, well, this pain ain't going to go away on its own, no matter what I do

3 weeks before Xmas I nearly walked out on my family. I took my engagement ring off, threw a tantrum in the car and made my fiance drop me off at the park with a box of tissues. Upon returning home I told him that I was leaving and that I did not want to live anymore because he was making me "depressed" (I am usually a big one for taking responsibility for my OWN feelings. This was very unusual for me, to blame it on another) and besides I had been passively suicidal for months and denied it even though my doctor was worried.

My fiance managed to convince me stay and not make rash decisions (it is a testament to his persuasive nature), and so I stayed for a day and raged around and lashed out, and limped and cried.......and he said "You need help with this pain, babe. It is making you in to someone that you do not like. The pain makes you paranoid (for weeks I accused my family of leaving things around so I would hurt myself trying to clean them up. I believed that they were trying to make me worse). You have fought with this for 6 years. It is time to bring in the big guns, before it destroys you".

And I listened and I learned.....and I am extremely frightened. I got a lot riding on this guy.

He is a psychiatrist and anaesthesiologist and deals specifically in pain management. Next Tuesday is the big day

Wish me luck. I a going to need it.......for the sake of my sanity and the wellness of my family....

Michah

[Crew]

Good Luck ((((Micah))) and tell us how it went if you would. I need to make an appointment, I just don't care for pain doctors but go for it and good luck!!!!


Crew

[Leed]

Hi Micah ~ Good for you!!! I'm so glad you're going! This is a good thing -- pain management offers many options for pain relief. I've gone thru 3 clinics, and they do try very hard to help. I know you'll find a way to ease your pain.

There are all sorts of things they can do, and they are basically all painless too. Your comfort is of utmost concern to them. So there is no need to be afraid -- you'll wonder why you didn't do this before. So please keep us posted on your progress, ok? Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[(JD)]

Many good wishes! Now, don't put all your hopes on one doctor though...for some of them are quacks... and this one might be a good doc with a bad "bedside manner." So go with finding out more information than you have, and you'll probably be ahead in the matter.

Chronic pain is a pretty mysterious element imo. I also live with it. I continue to be amazed at how it has been "allowed" (by me, ignorant and at times no other choice) to run my life. Then add in the depression and anger (which you seem to also have) and it's not real easy to remove it (pain.)

However, each step you take towards managing it will be a step towards improving your whole life...

May I be so bold to suggest that if this pain MD doesn't offer psychotherapy that you seek out a psychologist who is a pain expert, as well? Relearning how to live life is well worth it (so I've been told.)

[eskielover]

Just curious.....does he use psychology to control your pain or is he able (being an anaesthesiologist) to prescribe medications?

I know that it really helps to be able to control your pain through psychology, but I also know that it doesn't help if you really do need a medication to ease the pain.

I have finally been lucky with the pain medication I am on...I am able to take a dose (even though it's large) that has my pain completely in control......I get the symptoms of the migraines, but not the pain. Maybe a twinge here & there when a smell triggers the pain to be worse, but overall, the pain medication I'm on is 100% working for me (very unusual & lucky). I am also lucky that the large dose doesn't effect my functioning. My pain specialist explained that when the dose actually is working fully on the pain it's like there is none left over to cause the "out of it" feeling.

I have been on this same high dose for 7 years without becoming tolerant & needing a larger dose. When the pain medication is a narcotic, one always becomes dependent on it (meaning that one would go through withdrawals if I went off of it without tapering down the dose). When I started with my new pain specialist 3 years ago after moving, we tried to taper the med just to see if the migraine was still there (sadly it was right under there waiting to come out as soon as the dose was lowered).

I so much enjoy my life now that it's pain free. I can do the things that I always loved to do. Here in the US, they are willing to justify prescribing pain meds when it makes a difference in our "quality of life". Going from laying in a dark room without any smells or sounds day after day to being able to ride my horses, work in the yard & in the house.....was definitely proof that my quality of life improved along with the fact that my pain is controlled at 100% which was more than I ever expected it would be.

Hoping that your success with your pain specialist will be as successful as mine has been.....but it did take many years to get to that success. They always like to start with therapy or shots in the area that might control the pain without starting on a high dose of medication. They usually try everything else & maybe a small dose of medication.....then as they are able to determine better the cause & the ability to control it, they will adjust where it's needed......definitely a long process.....the pain doesn't go away overnight. The psychology end of it may help you to mentally control your pain....this may also help too.

Sending you gentle .....very glad your fiancée was able to convince you that there is hope & get you to the point of going for it. I know that just the thought of there being hope when the pain is so bad is definitely a start in the right direction.....patience will also be necessary while keeping the hope going.

I know how angry the pain used to make me feel....that helpless feeling that no one could or wanted to do anything to fix it & it wouldn't go away on it's own was depressing. Keep the faith that in the long run there will be the help for you that you need to be able to enjoy your life again.

[avoice]

Hi many of you know about my pain? If some of you don't glad to tell you pills worked for me for awhile. Than eventually they begun to cause me more pain wheelchair bound. So I decided to go ahead and get a spinal cord stimulator implant and such a relief to be pain free for the most. Started to take baby steps. Anyways wish you all the best pain is a monster.

[Gus1234U]

{{{{{ Micah~!}}}}}}

[Michah]

Thanks so much everyone

I will keep writing before I cry some more......

Pain management doctor awesome. Wanted to update everyone earlier, but we have had no phone or internet for the last 3 weeks. I am using my parents-in-law internet as I write this. It is making me crazy mad having no internet or phone at home.

Anyway, we talked with this guy for an hour and a half. He asked me a lot of questions especially about my personality and my thoughts on drugs. Fishing for info and building a profile I'd say. He was very kind with a good sense of humour though. He explained all the different drug families for dealing with pain and what pain actually is. He put me on a trial of clonazepam (Paxim) which seems to help with the "fire"....(he told me that "fire" is nerve damage which I didn't know) and sleep. But I also must walk 20 minutes a day. That was fine at first, but now comes the AGONY!!

I have cried all day today which is unusual for me and the walking stick is out. I feel like someone has beaten me with a bat in my sleep. I have to see him every week for the next 3 weeks and then we shall see how we go.

As he says, "No more on the good days, no less on the bad ones".

God give me strength. This is freaking awful, but healing is never pleasant is it?

Michah

Hello, Michah. Dealing with pain is painful. Not dealing with pain is .....

[(JD)]

Hope it helps you to push and walk. I can't do that, as it puts me right into a pain flare. I do use a gazelle 5 minutes a day and that seems to be my limit, but as I push through fatigue to do more, I'll send good energy for you to push through your pain. I hope the pain doc has it right for you.

[lizardlady]

Micah, the doc sounds like a good fit for you. Please keep us posted about how it goes as you are able to. No phone and no internet would make me stircrazy!

Thank you for the quote from your doc. It took me several readings to understand what he meant. I'm going to print it out and post it around the house as a reminder to myself.