[Meta]

I was born with a club foot. My right leg and foot are smaller and less well developed than my left leg and foot. Starting in my twenties, I had occasions of back pain and incapacitating back spasms. In my 20's and early 30's, the episodes were rare. As I recall, I might spend a day or two resting, take aspirin, the pain would go away and I would go on with my life. I chalked it up as due to my mismatched lower extremities.

I got pregnant when I was 38.

When I was around 4 mos pregnant, my back pain became pretty persistent and demoralizing.

I got a bunch of books about back pain out of the the library. One of them said that while a lot of aquatic activity was good for your back, the freestyle stroke, backstroke, breaststroke, and flutterkicking were all bad for your back. These were exactly the activities I was engaging in 4-5 times weekly to be a good, responsible " preggie." I stopped doing those activities and switched to treading water delicately up and down the lanes and my back pain disappeared completely --until my 8 th month when I had the back pain I suppose most pregnant women have. I didn't like it but I could live with it.

The day before my due date, my water broke.
After spending two days in the hospital trying to have my daughter the "natural way", my doctor finally did a caesarian. This was after many hours of straining and pushing by me.

After my daughter was born, while I was still in the hospital, I was receiving pain medication p r n.

My pain nightmare started when I left the hospital and the pain meds wore off.

I was in almost constant severe pain. I called the doctor. Motrin I was told. Well motrin did not work or aspirin or acetaminophen. Sorry, No Narcotics I was told. I went to an orthopedic doctor and after 12 weeks of p.t. and trying celebrex and vioxx and some other prescription antiinflammatories, my back still hurt incredibly. I most definitely was emotionally tense also due to the pain and I even began resenting have to pick my baby daughter up because I started to have upper back pain as well as the lower back pain and spasms.
Finally I got a new internist who reluctantly gave me a prescription for one darvocet a day. I would not give in and take that pill until around 6 pm each night. Still I was pretty miserable with pain all during the day.

For the past five years, the pain has been less chronic, but pretty severe when it does occur. I can go several days without taking a darvocet, so that the 3-5 times a month I have pain, I can take the darvocet every 6 hours. I am reluctant to do almost any household chores(my husband does them) for fear of throwing out my back. Plus my club foot causes me a lot of pain if I overexert--I use one of those motorized carts when I go shopping. If I don't use a cart, after about an hour, back spasms would often start and for sure I will be limping for 1-3 days on my club foot.

Besides my bipolar disorder and anxiety, my chronic back pain and club foot pain were included when I applied for and got SS disability. My family life has suffered bcause of my fear- which is at high phobic level-that something I might do will bring back the near continual pain. It has been very hard on my young daughter to have a mom whose physical and emotional problems have limited her life so much.
Now, unfortunately, in the past two weeks, it seems my sciatica and bursitis have suddenly become more acute anyway and I fear desperately the back spasms will become more frequent again.

I am in need of advice on how to get as much pain medicine as I need should this occur. I am also in need of anyone's advice on how they cope emotionally with inevitable chronic pain. I feel like such a wimp and failure. It's only in the last year before the recent worsening that I became less bitter towards doctors and the medical establishment. I really felt and still feel like I should be able to get all the medication it takes to stop my pain. I guess I just about feel it's my right to become a drug addict if I choose if that is what it takes to end the pain. When my daughter was 2, I took an overdose of my antidepressants because I wanted out of this world because of the physical pain. I never want it to come to that again.

If you lasted thru my life story, I thank you. Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

Meta

[Rhapsody]

Hmm -

I understand about the PAIN that you are talking about for I too have lived with chronic pain since I was 12 years old (will be 40 this year) and I have had to deal with severe RA for the last 10 years.

What I do to help ease my PAIN is to take my pain pills given to me by my Rheumatologist as needed and right when I feel a flare coming on..... and it the one pain pill does not work I add 3 Advil's to the mix, I have been doing this for about the last 5 years of my life and it has helped.
... and a good soak in a hot tub of baby oil bath helps to soften my skin and to relax my mind.

REST as YOU need and try not to over do it any given day, for it is usually the day after that we suffer.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Becca07]

The best thing to do is see a pain specialist. Depending on your insurance, you may or may not need a referral.

They work with narcotics everyday, so they have a better understanding of them and pain and will prescribe them to better manage your pain. I love mine, he listens to me and doesn't make me feel like a drug addict if I run through a scrip before it's time for a refill.

[(JD)]

I'm sorry you are living with pain, too. I think the best approach is not to look for all the pain medicine you can get, but to find someone who will work with you to alleviate the pain. Lowering the pain levels is a good goal. Eliminating the pain just might not be feasible, even with tons of pain med. If you go with the frame of mind for a lot of pain med, no one will give you any, imo. Plus, your past history of midhandling medicine would scare most doctors off also. Sorry.

There are many ways to manage pain. I have and use several. Physical Therapy, stretching, heat packs, ice packs, massage, TENS, and anti inflamatory med, along with pain med. I also see a T who specializes in pain management and stress management. My frame of mind has a lot to do with how high the pain levels are perceived and my reaction to them. Anxiety and stress can also increase pain, since muscle tension can cause an exacerbation.

Hopefully you'll find some things to help reduce your pain, so at least you won't feel so desperate. TC

[Meta]

Thanks,((( Rhapsody))))
your kind words and suggestions are appreciated. I was having a meltdown the other day thinking the pain
I had when my daughter was very little was coming back.
Meta

[Meta]

Thanks, I like your suggestion ((((Becca)))

Meta

[Meta]

(((sky)))

I don't know if I agree with you that pain alleviation is enough if pain elimination is possible. I've already been far too stoic in my lifetime in terms of all the pain I have endured. I don't even think I realized until my 20's that most people were not in pain every day.
I sometimes wonder if my psychological pain didn't really get enhanced by how many years of my life I just endured physical pain. I wonder if my depression and other emotional pain might have not come from early messages to "suck it up" re my foot pain as a child and a teenager. But thanks for taking the time to respond.

Meta

[(JD)]

Well, I think that alleviation would be a good goal right now, rather than total elimination. Even if you think the latter is possible, it might not be, plus finding a doctor who would continually give you that level of relief might be impossible.

Yes, I do think that all those things you listed contribute to pain levels. And it isn't true that the more pain you endure, the more tolerance you have. Actually, the opposite is true.

I hope you find some good relief soon. (((hug)))