[A18793715]

So I went to see the neurosurgeon. He said it's really all up to me unless it's a life threatening problem. He's doing an MRI on my shoulder to see if I have another messed up disc. I think I would spend the day crying knowing I had not one but two tucked up disc and I'm only 24. He suggestion back injections (tried that once with an old ortho and even with a full bag of iv fluids, my body refused to give a UA to check for pregnancy.) I can't afford physical therapy. I don't want to do back injections or surgery. Regardless of what anyone says about their positive outcomes, the fear is too deep. I'm just tired of hurting.

Would my doctor let me start giving me some every month? Or would that require a pain specialist.

I'm so exhausted.
Pain + hallucinations + delusions + paranoia + major depression + panic disorder = the mess that is me.

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[Angelique67]

I don't blame you, I'm 57 and I'm afraid of back surgery too. And I can barely walk.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I don't blame you, I'm 57 and I'm afraid of back surgery too. And I can barely walk.

I'm scared they'll make my entire bottom or left/right side. Whatever. I overthink and worry about the rarest complications that can happen. All I can think of is my first surgery. I had the gastric sleeve. I stayed in the icu room the entire stay because they gave me too much meds during surgery. And I can't eat more than 5oz at a time now. Most people stop losing weight at 6 months. I'm on 4 years and counting and doctors still can't figure out why I can't retain or gain on top of that. I reached my lowest of 113lbs.

What's so wrong about just wanting to take meds instead of having needles in your back or a "small incision". That's what they told me before my gastric sleeve. Now I have 5 scars on my stomach.

There's so many reasons why it's the last thing I want to do. :/

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[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by A18793715

I'm scared they'll make my entire bottom or left/right side. Whatever. I overthink and worry about the rarest complications that can happen. All I can think of is my first surgery. I had the gastric sleeve. I stayed in the icu room the entire stay because they gave me too much meds during surgery. And I can't eat more than 5oz at a time now. Most people stop losing weight at 6 months. I'm on 4 years and counting and doctors still can't figure out why I can't retain or gain on top of that. I reached my lowest of 113lbs.

What's so wrong about just wanting to take meds instead of having needles in your back or a "small incision". That's what they told me before my gastric sleeve. Now I have 5 scars on my stomach.

There's so many reasons why it's the last thing I want to do. :/

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Yes, I feel the same. Even if they do offer surgery, I'm too afraid to have it. So much can go wrong so often with surgery.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Yes, I feel the same. Even if they do offer surgery, I'm too afraid to have it. So much can go wrong so often with surgery.

Exactly! They all tell me "it's a tiny incision." Uh. No it isn't. You're shaving off things with a laser. What happens if I moved at the worst time? I could be paralyzed. I tried to tell my doctor there's no way I can do back injections or surgery but he got me to go to a neurologist anyways. If the MRI isn't I.V sedation level, I can't do it.

I hate my brain.

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[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by A18793715

Exactly! They all tell me "it's a tiny incision." Uh. No it isn't. You're shaving off things with a laser. What happens if I moved at the worst time? I could be paralyzed. I tried to tell my doctor there's no way I can do back injections or surgery but he got me to go to a neurologist anyways. If the MRI isn't I.V sedation level, I can't do it.

I hate my brain.

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Oh, yes, I'm also hoping I won't have to call the neurologist back. I'm afraid of having my head in the middle of that racket. And I would hope they would have the option of full sleep anesthesia for surgery.. I wish there were a way of talking to people who've had this and seeing what they say about it. :/

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Oh, yes, I'm also hoping I won't have to call the neurologist back. I'm afraid of having my head in the middle of that racket. And I would hope they would have the option of full sleep anesthesia for surgery.. I wish there were a way of talking to people who've had this and seeing what they say about it. :/

It's so unfair when can't control them.

..... I'm terrified of it all. After watching my grandpa sit unti his red chair until he died exactly 3 months later. I can't. I'd rather risk an opiate dependency than to have surgery. But no one will listen.

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[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by A18793715

It's so unfair when can't control them.

..... I'm terrified of it all. After watching my grandpa sit unti his red chair until he died exactly 3 months later. I can't. I'd rather risk an opiate dependency than to have surgery. But no one will listen.

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Yes, absolutely. I would have chosen to stay on benzos for the rest of my life. They do it without thinking of us as individuals who can choose what we'd rather live with.

[Nammu]

I had the surgery and I'm glad I did...I was in pain 24/7 before the surgery and mostly pain free now. What pain I get is easily taken care of by OTC meds. But I had more than a messed up disk and I was in my mid fifties.

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I had the surgery and I'm glad I did...I was in pain 24/7 before the surgery and mostly pain free now. What pain I get is easily taken care of by OTC meds. But I had more than a messed up disk and I was in my mid fifties.

The only OTC med I can take is tylenol. next level for stronger plain relief is narcotics.

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[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I had the surgery and I'm glad I did...I was in pain 24/7 before the surgery and mostly pain free now. What pain I get is easily taken care of by OTC meds. But I had more than a messed up disk and I was in my mid fifties.

Hearing that is wonderful. I hope the pain never comes back.

I'm not sure if I have anything other than degenerative disk. The pain gets so bad that I have to sit down wherever I am after a short time on my feet. And the pdoc in the hospital last month wrote that I have no physical disabilities. This is why the hospital disgusts me. They change the histories that long term doctors have diagnosed for me to some thing that doesn't come close to being the whole story.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Hearing that is wonderful. I hope the pain never comes back.

I'm not sure if I have anything other than degenerative disk. The pain gets so bad that I have to sit down wherever I am after a short time on my feet. And the pdoc in the hospital last month wrote that I have no physical disabilities. This is why the hospital disgusts me. They change the histories that long term doctors have diagnosed for me to some thing that doesn't come close to being the whole story.

Was that the psych hospital? They seem to think if you have a mental illness then you have no physical problems and don't believe anything you say. Pain is all in your head. Dumbasses

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Was that the psych hospital? They seem to think if you have a mental illness then you have no physical problems and don't believe anything you say. Pain is all in your head. Dumbasses

Exactly! And I've been putting all the physical stuff off, because I'm so busy running to mental health appointments. Because I'm on too many meds and I can't cold turkey anything ever again. :/

At this point I should be getting more physical stuff checked up on. But now I have this crazy phobia of the stairs in my building and it's like having my agoraphobia all tied into a little package with this phobia the new silver bow on top.

I don't know what to do. I think I have another pdoc appointment on Thursday or Friday! I can't deal with this. :/

[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Yes, absolutely. I would have chosen to stay on benzos for the rest of my life. They do it without thinking of us as individuals who can choose what we'd rather live with.

Exactly. It's our lives. It's not like I'm going to abuse them or anything like that. It's people who do that which makes getting meds harder.

My disc is disintegrate and it's now bulging on both sides of my sciatic nerve. L5-S1.

Is it really so wrong of me to want oral meds to help me until I'm brave enough? I don't have my pdoc anymore. I don't have a therapist. Nothing.

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[A18793715]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Exactly! And I've been putting all the physical stuff off, because I'm so busy running to mental health appointments. Because I'm on too many meds and I can't cold turkey anything ever again. :/

At this point I should be getting more physical stuff checked up on. But now I have this crazy phobia of the stairs in my building and it's like having my agoraphobia all tied into a little package with this phobia the new silver bow on top.

I don't know what to do. I think I have another pdoc appointment on Thursday or Friday! I can't deal with this. :/

I know it's scary, but I think you'll be fine.

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