*Sigh* - They Don't Understand

I have lived with some form of arthritis & pain since I was 12 years old - and with severe RA-Fibro-Bursitis for the last eleven years (not to mention my many other medical problems) and I am finally getting tired of people not understanding me and why I cannot do the things I once did....... I am tired and angry at having to explain my self and why I cannot even clean the house some days - let alone get a bath on a really bad day.

When does it end?
And just because they can do it with their pain does not mean I should be expected to.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

oh how bad I understand that one hon! no words really that I can think of because I go thru the same thing. People that do not have chronic pain have no clue to how it affects our lives.

Hi Rhapsody....I can relate to you completely. Everyone has different pain
thresh holds.

I've always had a low one and have much difficulty dealing with pain.
Ive had Arthroscopic surgery in both knees, and I still experience
alot of pain. It really Sux!!

Then when you ask the doctors for pain meds they look at you like
your some kind of drug addict, well most of them do from my experience.

My knee surgery has affected my back miserably so I deal with intense
back pain too. Then having depression on top of it just adds to the pain
and makes is worse. Its like a viscious cycle...!!!!

If I were you I wouldn't explain myself to anyone anymore if they don't
understand then thats there problem. I've had people look at me and
say "you look fine, you don't look like your in pain"....that really burns
my *****.

Hope you feel better
and feel free to
complain to me anytime.

Two thumbs up for that quote!! I work for a cardiology group and started seeing them for a heart problem I have (my heart rate, while resting, will randomly go well into the mid-to-high 100's like 160, 180) that is very disturbing and debilating--it gets hard to breathe, I get dizzy and generally feel like crap when it happens. I've tried several medications but they lower my blood pressure so much I pass out, I've had surgery, still happens. One day at work, the doctor came into my office, threw a chart down on my desk and walked out. I opened the chart and he had attached a sticky note that said, "she is your age, with sinus tachycardia too. She hikes, runs and is well controlled on medication." I started crying instantly. So that means I should just suck it up and take medication that doesn't work for me? Don't compare me to others! I also have RA and a form of muscular dystrophy--it's not as bad as some of my cousins have it and my sister doesn't understand why I need leg braces if it isn't as bad. I don't know how to get people to understand that it isn't their right to judge or pain or discomfort level. I say on days when the pain is too bad to clean--letitgo!! If there are other house members, it becomes their day to clean!

Oh Rhap I know this all too well.. I'm going through it right now with the fibro and the back problems.

((((hugs))))

i can totally relate. i have djd in the neck with headaches. fibro, tachycardia(but mostly controlled on meds), depression, no thyroid, and borderline personality disorder. all the drs think is i want more meds. id rather not. but i cant function at all without them. the only chance of a functional day is with meds. my kids and husband dont understand why i cant do things. god forbid the kids actually help.

I totally understand, and have been having much the same issues with people in my life. I really don't think people without chronic pain realize what it takes for those of us with chronic pain to do 'everyday' things. I really don't know how to make them understand, or not expect so much.

Totally get what everyone is saying! After 9 years of having RSD, It is so hard even for those whom we are close to to really understand. If were having a bad day and just don't feel like getting out of bed, get tired, or at least I do, of being asked, are you ok? whats wrong? are you hurting? do you want something? Some days I know I just want to scream and say DUHH YES I AM HURTING! WHEN THE HECK AM I NOT!!! add to that the effect the wonderful medications we take and all there side effects, make at least me some nights just wish would fall asleep and stay that way. not only so I don't have to deal with it, but so that those thta I love and care about do not have to see it and not get those constant questions. Then even if we do not say yes something is wrong, but rather just the non answer, of yeah, its just a little worse then the normal, and then get that wonderful, can I do something? So many times I have felt like saying, sure, how bout we trade spots for one day and you live with all this pain and meds and junk. Then we will see how you feel!
The only thing that any of us can do, is try to be there for others whom go through it. We may not have the answers, but at least are more likely to understand one another and what go through.

Blessed Be
Deb

Chronic pain is not whom we are, just a part of us but not the definning part!!!!

Thanks for all the replies of support & understanding....

Rhapsody

It is a tough place to be in, that of knowing your pain and still giving other's opinions weight. Once you can get to where you truly "know" that they just can't understand, then much of your frustration and anger will dissolve.

Create some phrases that will work for you, to address them if you feel you must reply. "I can't expect you to understand this great pain I live with." "I know it doesn't make sense to you, and I fought it a long time. But my doctors have assured me that attitude will only cause me more harm." "I have to live with it, I'm so glad you don't." "I'm glad you don't understand, I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

But when I arrived at the point of not needing to say anything, but either totally ignore their ignorance, or just smile (they have no retort for that) then I released a lot of angst that I didn't need to have on top of the chronic pain. (Thanks to Dr Frazier, my pain specialist/clinical psychologist.)

Maybe that is what I need to do..... just SMILE and walk away.
even when its my husband I'm walking away from.