Seeking Help and Comunity

I find that just being around other vets is helpful. There isn't any comparable experience. Hey, your not old, you've just experienced a lifetime of trauma. It can and does get better with persistence and support. The hardest thing is sharing and talking about it, which MUST be done in order to get better. Our experiences "over there" were far outside the normal human range. I'm sure two deployments is probably what really harmed your psyche.

To a degree, the ADHD, which is my baseline (as it is for all with ADHD), had some protective measures. I don't experience the world in the same way as a lot of people, which protected me from myself. Oh, I have problems with this and that, but I'm fortunate in that I don't experience PTSD symptoms.

My ex-fiance (also a combat vet) did though, and because she didn't seek help, it ultimately ended our relationship. It took a couple of years but she let the PTSD take over and it grew. She stopped seeing her therapist and stopped taking meds. You can't go it alone. I've seen it in my buddies too, and it doesn't just disappear. Usually I find myself feeling guilty, as in, "why them and not me?" or "what makes me so damn special?" Then it just pisses me off that my brothers (and sisters) are still over there and having to go through

The bottom line is as vets we have a duty to help each other. You don't ever have to feel like your weak or less of a man or less of a soldier. The toughest people I've ever known struggle with PTSD and depression.

Hey, have you tried a Vet Center for counseling instead of the VA? Or even private therapy would be better in some cases than the VA.
The VA caseload is larger than ever due to OEF/OIF and greater recognition of TBI, PTSD, and other MH problems). I also suggest looking into the VA's Vocational Rehabilitation program, and also look into seeing if your state has it's own voc. rehab. program.

Just remember, when you talk about it in a safe, supportive environment, it starts to lose its power over you.

I really love the mask analogy that Catherine uses, I feel like there are things that shall ever remain hidden and those that are still to ugly, raw
wounds, that would be re injured if not protected...

I live right down the block from a Catholic church, i have been thinking
about going to confession lately. I'm not catholic and actually have a lot of
problems with organized religion, but I know the priest has that vow about
not repeating what's heard in confession.

I envy them their faith in God