[Troy]

For years after combat I had a volatile and unpredictable temper. No one ever knew when I would explode or what would set me off. Nor did I understand it. It was frightening to others and to myself.

No matter how I tried to control it ... it was impossible and always surprising. Things were thrown, broken, hit. Our children were often punished for insignificant actions ... fortunately, I did not hurt anyone.

Somewhere along the way, this volatility was buried. It was a gift from God, because I could do nothing with it. And I have not been openly angry in years (well, one time, and I felt bad about it for days).

But there is a continuing sense of being easily frustrated when things don't go just right -- e.g., when programs take too long to open on the computer, when I cannot find something on the desk or around the house, when fixing something and parts don't work first time. Often, I just quit that task in frustration. Sometimes, I push my way through, but the frustration level rises and kind of ruins the day.

My wife can see this and often steps in with "Here, I'll find it," or some such remark.

Maybe this type reaction is typical or "normal," but it seems like my frustration level is somewhat exaggerated for the small significance of what is involved.

Seems like I might have already mentioned this here in the forum, but it came to mind again today as I looked in the refrigerator for something and after moving from one shelf to another, my wife said again, "Here, I'll get it. Looks like it's getting too involved." Patience personified !

T.

[nowheretorun]

hi Troy

ive had similar issues w/anger and small things setting me off at times too.. it was definitely worst when i was at my lowest points...

for me, i think its cause i had all that built up, pent up disappointment... when things didnt go right, it just proved to me that things were all messed up and systems had gotten way out of sync with me....

its really hard, but ive learned (almost) that when things arent exactly going exactly how i demand and expect them to (after all, they say things machines and systems work, right?) i say a little a few calming words to myself (it gets better with practice) ... the interruption, delay, frustration i am experiencing is there now and likely will return in the future also... so why not try to work out a deal with it? (cause im tired of fighting it)

when i feel that first impulse of impatience strike and i feel that flash of striking back (how dare life defy me after all ive tried to contribute?), i pause for just a moment, take a breath, and think to myself... ok, its happening again... this time, i'm doing something different (like you, i despise those feelings of temper loss).. i count to ten slow... or, i breathe in and out a few times and wait....

what is really great is that when im able to do this successfully, ive found that by waiting and practicing patience, the thing i'd been waiting for develops right before me, almost like a dream sometimes....

Your wife has the patience of an angel.... thank God for helpful others

i dont know if this helps... hope so.. wishing you the best always Troy

[bebop]

we went thru this with my late husband. he would just lose control of everything. I felt so bad for him and didn't know how to help him. not until we went to a DAV meeting. I got tons of material to read up on it and man it sounded like someone had been watching our house! it was so good to know I was not alone in my quest to help him. I am so glad we did. he did get help but then he started the self medicating which led to the end of our life together and ultimately his death.
Troy hang in there hon and allow your wife to help as much as she can.

[Doh2007]

I always had a low tolerance to frustration. Depression and stress always made it worse. I'm on meds for depression and it's a lot better. I was always afraid my stuffed rage would destroy someone. A good counselor helped me drain if off a little at a time.

So, I know how hard it is to feel out of control. Your wife sounds like a real blessing.

[Troy]

You're right ... my wife is a blessing, far more understanding and patient that I would ever be.

In thinking about the causes of this frustration, perhaps it is caused by our need for things to be in order. In combat it is life essential that everything be in order and that everyone do what they are supposed to do. When some piece of equipment fails or someone fails to act properly, it costs lives. Maybe we get hyper attuned to this and it carries over to insignificant things.

I've known vets who just came all unglued if they keyed the wrong digits into the microwave ... way out of proportion to the problem. Kind of scared me, too, and I had some idea of what was going on. You can imagine what it is like for those who don't understand the deep background.

Thanks for the tip on self talk. I'll try to do more of that when these frustrations come along ... at the moment, it's an issue with the telephone modem in my PC ... will these PC problems never end? Off-the-topic -- I think I'll buy a Mac and ditch the Microsoft problems once and for all.

Back on topic -- this PC business is another example of my level of frustration. When these things go wrong, I feel like I want to actually throw the PC out the window. If it didn't cost so much, I probably would -- but on the other hand, that's going back to my years of anger and I know it would do no good (lol, but it would sure feel good to watch it hit the ground!)...well, until I realized what it would do to my charge card.

Thanks so much to all of you for feedbacks and posting. We're not in this alone.

T.

[Keshrin]

I know this is going to sound odd, but what are the signs of PTSD for veterans and does it have to be related to deployment to a war torn country.

The reason I am asking I have a short temper and panic disorders(not Officially Diagnosed). I'm concerned that the too might actually be one and the same.

It scares me cause I've actually went of at my son for being a kid (he is two). It scared him bad and made me cry cause I scared him.

[bebop]

well combat ptsd is caused from combat. but ptsd in general can have many causes. I would ask if you saw bad things in basic training or other places that would cause you to react that way.