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#1
Nov 25, 2008, 11:12 AM
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How can this be good for me? How can it be good for me to tell the secrets that make me cry buckets of tears? How can it be good for me to reveal my guilt and remorse that brings up more and more memories and more tears?
I type words here and find tears rolling down my cheeks, down my neck. I feel panic. I start choking and can't breath. All of it makes me want to scream, to sound out every curse word I've ever heard, all at the same time. It makes me want to break things and let the rage cascade across the landscape. I stay away from PC and the forums because each time I visit I'm compelled to key in some remark or comment, and that starts another round of nightmares in my wakefulness. I read the kind remarks of others and the tear gates open. They cannot know the guilt inside me or they wouldn't consider making those kind remarks. Can you imagine - they would say kind things to someone like me? The addictions are pulling me in the other direction. Common sense tells me to quit this PC stuff because I got by for years with all the secrets locked up and stored away. Can the addictions be worse than the revelations, the tears, the renewed feelings of guilt and incompetence? Right here ... right here is where I want to yell out all those curse words. Right in this spot on the page. And I hear the mantra "i don't deserve it."
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#2
Nov 25, 2008, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Nov 25, 2008, 11:23 AM
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I will pm you sannah. I will pm an answer.
Quote:
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#4
Nov 25, 2008, 11:35 AM
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I'll be waiting.......
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Nov 25, 2008, 11:41 AM
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Ok ...msg in your PM
Quote:
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#6
Nov 25, 2008, 11:55 AM
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Got it and PM'd you back.........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Nov 25, 2008, 03:51 PM
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Troy, PMd you
Standing with you, brother. I know these feelings, too. Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#8
Nov 26, 2008, 09:45 AM
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I think what you are feeling is pretty normal for someone that has been in combat. I think any therapist would tell anyone that holding stuff inside is like a boil just sitting there festering and never coming to a head. by getting it out it releases some of it a little at a time. I know at first it hurts like crazy and yes it brings stuff up that you don't want but it is a step in learning how to deal with it.
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#9
Nov 26, 2008, 10:59 AM
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thanks bebop ... i know we can count on you.
T.
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#10
Nov 26, 2008, 03:54 PM
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you know how I feel about my vets!
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He who angers you controls you! |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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