[Travelinglady]

I am addressing this note to our community. I am a relatively new member, but a frequent poster, and I have noticed a problem. That is, occasionally people will start a thread that evidently they mean to be humorous or joking. However, these people do not indicate this intent. Also, relatedly, people will not go into much detail about what they mean. Therefore, the people who respond, such as me, end up answering in a way that is not expected.

I, for one, anyway, take the posts in the regular forums very seriously. My mindset when I chime in is that the person who is posting is genuinely upset about something and/or wanting help for what is a distressing problem. You all know that we do get posts from people who are really hurting, who really need help, and who are genuinely wanting us to take them at face value. I do not take this responsibility lightly.

Please, then, if you wish to joke or make light of something, either do that in one of the social groups or let that be known from the beginning. And provide more details, for goodness sake. Most of us are in our own struggles with mental and/or physical disorders, but we are trying our best to put those struggles aside and reach out to other people who need our help and support.

Thank you!

[sabby]

Hi PAYNE1.

I would like to comment on your thoughts here. I do understand where you are coming from. It can be hard at times to know how the written word is being meant. Since you are relatively new, it may be possible that there is a break in period for you to get to know the members a bit better and understand where they are coming from. Maybe you can let others post a bit before you chime in so that you can catch the drift of the conversation and in which way it's headed? I wonder if that would be a good way to get to know the members a little better and get a feel for how they post.

There are times when people are struggling and the only thing they can do is to laugh about their issues. It sure beats crying and being upset all the time, don't you think?

We don't have a community guideline that states all posts must be serious in every forum. Since this is a mental health website, members posts can run from one end of the spectrum to the other (silly/carefree/funny to serious/angry/hurt) at any given time.

I'm sorry this has been difficult for you. I hope that what I have said has been helpful to you. Whenever you have a problem or issue with PC, please feel free to pm myself or any mod/admin about it and we'll be more than happy to assist you.

With Care,
_sabby_

[Travelinglady]

Thanks, Sabby. I labeled the title "Please make serious posts only," but as you can see, I did leave room for humor--if it is made obvious.

Yes, I was just commenting to another member in a private message that one of my problems IS that I am relatively new. I know some people have been friends a long time on this site, so they know what the other people are like, and they do expect them to joke. That said, however, just how long are we to expect "new" members to just sit back and get to know how everybody is? There are hundreds of members--new ones added each day.

I might be wrong, but I didn't perceive this forum was to be a country club, with inside jokes and so on--at least in the main portion of the forums. I do admit that I feel like that is treating new people as outsiders--and possibly could even be perceived as rude sometimes.

If people would read my posts as a whole, then they would certainly see that I do have a sense of humor--in fact, I have been told that it is one of my strong suits. But, I do try to indicate when I am joking.....

Speaking of such, I noticed with chagrin that I left my mood as "happy" when I posted this thread. Obviously, "happy" was not my mood. However, gee, I am bipolar. I'd get worn out if I kept having to change the mood sign every time my mood changed! (And I DO mean that to be funny!)

I have a great deal of respect for you folks and what you do. Yes, we do need to be able to joke among ourselves about our difficulties. But, again, I think we need to be careful with new people coming in. Thanks!

[sabby]

I guess everyone is different at being able to "read" the intent in some posts/threads. Since we have no way of "seeing" body language/facial expressions, sometimes words can be hard to figure out. Take me for instance, I'm usually pretty good at being able to read and know what the intent is in most posts, but every now and again, I do get it wrong and sometimes it's because I don't know the poster well, sometimes it's because I'm not in the place where it's easy to figure it all out (I might be having difficulties as well and misconstrue something). So really, it can happen to anyone at any given time.

You know, PC is not different than any other community on earth. There are always like minded folks that get together. There are always times when some folks don't get along with others. Ounce for ounce though, I believe that PC has been and will continue to be one of the safest and most supportive communities you'll ever find.

It truly is incumbent upon the newcomer(s) to find their own niche so to speak, to find their way around the forums, read and learn about others and post supportively to others or ask for support for themselves. We all need to remember that not everyone agrees with everyone and sometimes a members' post may be in disagreement with us, but, if said respectfully and with care, it is not against guidelines. We cannot expect all responses to us to be along our own personal lines of thinking. When I first came to PC, I had to do the same thing....I had to find my niche. Hard to believe I was so shy and scared back then.....nothing like I am now

If and when you find a post that you think is against guidelines, the best thing you can do is to report the post by using the little report post icon on the left under the name of the member and let the mod/admin team look at it and see if it needs editing. Don't respond to the post, no matter how angry you are because you may end up being the problem and not the solution. Problems with another member????......pm them and try to work it out privately. Private issues should not be out on the forums, and discussing pm's publicly is another no-no. As always, the team is here to help and support as best we can if we are needed.

If you haven't had a chance to read our Community Guidelines, here is the link - http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=3643

Okay, I think I got away from myself on this post....sorry about that LOL.

I'm glad you are here (((((((((((( PAYNE1 )))))))))))))))

[Travelinglady]

Yes, I do think the key is trying to be tactful and not to put other people down. I acknowledge that this forum is new to me--as is any Internet site such as this one. I am new to the Internet world. Why, I participated in my first "live chat" only just recently. My sons think there might be hope that one day I will be comfortable in the 21st century!

As I joked (and I am wont to do that--I actually do laugh freely and often, especially when I'm manic), as bipolars, our moods by definition do change more frequently than the moods of non-bipolars. I can't say that in a manic moment, I won't post solely humorously. We all do need to accept our diagnosis and to at least be able to joke amongst ourselves about it.

I also agree that people do need, to some extent, to find their "niche" in a community such as this one. Even people with "mental labels" vary in our personality manifestations and our interests. Accordingly, I am seeking out and have found some like-minded souls, and I hope to continue to do so.

Thank you for providing the link to the guidelines. I think I have read everything, but I will look at it to see if I have indeed missed something.

I did make this thread an open address, because I am not the only person who was feeling the same way that I was, so I think it was rightly something to address to the entire community. I will try to always be mindful of when something is just a personal issue and, if so, be discreet in having it addressed. I am generally a relatively mild-mannered person and certainly hope that I will never be predisposed to verbal fistfights in an open forum.

Again, I do appreciate this site and the benefits that it offers. My hope, certainly, is that I am doing some good in my efforts to contribute. Thanks for taking me seriously (!) I will try to continue to hone my skills in negotiating the Internet world!

Cordially,

Number 1 Pain (Getting an idea where my moniker came from?)

[DancingAlone]

i'd like to add my 2c about this please. i found this thread because i was just doing a search for "funny jokes" and there isn't an area that addresses this wonderful outlet.

i agree that a serious post by someone in pain needs to be answered in kind. i know when i am crying and afraid and things seem dark and bleak, i don't want someone to make light of it and use humor when i need support, serious support. and i have learned the hard way personally that i need to read what is going on in a particular chat room before i share a joke here and there (not often). even if it says "social chat" there may be someone there that is hurting and needs help. but if i see that the chat is "light" and there is light bantering, i know i can "be silly" too (within reason of course).

but i was just going to write the administrators to see if they could possibly add an area for jokes and such. i have found over the years that if i can reach inside and find something to lighten my day, be it a funny joke, or an amusing story, a funny avatar (picture) i can somehow dig my way out of a depression or feeling sad.

so i will suggest this. maybe a solution? anyway, hugs and love to everyone...

always

[sabby]

((((((((((( Pain 1??? or PAYNE1????? ))))))))))))))

I do love your sense of humor and I'm so glad you felt you could share it here in this thread. I too have a pretty warped sense of humor about most things, mainly myself People very often tell me I shouldn't put myself down and truly, I am not, I'm taking something about myself that is not perfect (and whom among us is???) and making a joke about it. I'm good like that!! LOL I also have a dry sense of humor and sometimes folks don't get it. But that's okay.

I think you are going to be fine......I appreciate having this conversation with you and I look forward to seeing you on the forums!


sabby

[sabby]

Hi DancingAlone

I think if you look in the General Social Forum you may find some jokes and funny pics and stuff. You are also welcome to start a social group for such fun things as well.

Take care!

[sunrise]

If I'm joking in a post, I will often add a smiley so that people understand that I am not being serious. I think the smileys can help communicate intent and mood.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Everyone

I'm with sunrise, I've been here just over a couple of years and I'm only now really using the emoticons. To me big grin up there is my best friend and he graces my posts often. He is cheeky, fun, or Awww C'mon have a laugh.

But PAYNE1 I just want to let you know that some of us are who we are, and don't expect to have to alter or change our personalities. Not being rude or anything it is just very difficult when we have known people for so long to try to be formal with them because someone new is around.

We accept everyone here as instant friends, we don't try to hold people out or have a "closed club scene". We aren't like that. Often we will put an emoticon in the post title to let people know what theme it follows; like the trigger icon, or the help icon.

As often as possible if there's a new member who posts we try to draw them into the conversation as much as possible so that they feel part of our family. But with all families there is a little dysfunction here and there that we have to put up with; after all we all do have mental illness, and that is a major dysfunction where moods and thoughts change in a heartbeat.

One of my favourite posters is NF and I know her so I know that when I see that she has posted somewhere I will go to read that post because no matter how bad I feel I know that she cares enough about people to post humerously when ever she can. I love that about her. I would be devastated if she changed. And yes we know that she has the best sense of humour. And if you read say 20 of her posts you will know that from every one her sense of humour is the foremost aspect of her personality. But she has her serious moments, and she tries to handle them with the same sense of humour. And that encourages others to try to do the same.

I hope NF doesn't mind me writing about her. There are so many like her here and I am so grateful for them. Please understand that no one is trying to upset you or anyone else, we are just who we are.

And you are one of us,

Take good care new friend,

Rhiannon

[pegasus]

(((((((( Payne )))))))

I think it's up to all of us to what we respond to. I know for me that I used to find posts that poke fun at mental illness distasteful and it would upset me but I realized for the original poster it was a way for them to cope with it. You don't have to reply to these posts, learn what triggers you and only reply to posts that you feel comfortable with.

There are forums where humour is more appropriate and there are times when we all need a healthy distraction, the Games forum is such a good place for light relief.

I feel it would be wrong to dictate to everyone that only serious posts are allowed.

[sabby]

I think there has been a good smathering of ideas here to help folks along and understand better about how posting and triggers work and about the guidelines as well. I appreciate everyone's input!

Since discussing other members publicly is against guidelines, and we certainly do not want to hurt anyone in the process of discussion, I'm going to close this thread.

If anyone else has questions or concerns about posting and/or relationships within this community, please feel free to pm me or anyone on the team.

Please take good care of yourselves.....you are all important to this community!


sabby

[pegasus]

This thread is now locked.

Sorry Sabby, couldn't resist it!

[sabby]

Oh my, did I forget to close it?????

No worries ((((((((((( pegs )))))))))))) you've got to get them digs in when ya can