[peridot28]

I'm super sensitive sometimes to a fault. I don't post much on the forums, but I do read here A LOT, mostly at night on my phone. I tend not to respond to a lot of threads, because I can't just stop at a few sentences. I usually respond with a well thought out post that takes me literally an hour to put together sometimes.

I'm a grammar and spelling geek, so I have to be sure everything looks and sounds correct. Many times, after I've hit the "submit" button, I see mistakes anyway, so my posts are always edited. Zoinks!

Anyway, I post my heartfelt response and would you know it, the original poster (OP) never acknowledges my post. I'm not going to lie, it makes me so, so angry. They respond and quote posters above me and below me, but don't respond to my post. It's why I don't post much. Maybe my posts are too long. Maybe it's not what they wanted to hear. I don't know.

Anyone else ever feel this way? I just want to get some feedback on it so that I don't continue to get my feelings hurt, but just chock it up to it being how things work in general on forums.

[purple_fins]

Im so sorry this has happened to you too. I understand the work that goes into a post for some of us-- I do the checking and re-checking and then still I have to go and edit a lot of my posts.

I sure hope I didn't overlook a response of yours to me
I try hard to respond to all those that take time to reply to me-- I understand that the person could have just not posted to me-- so I think they should be shown appreciation when possible.

have you kept track of those that didn't respond to you?... this may sound mean but I quit responding to those that don't acknowledge the time I've spent for them..... maybe you can respond to those that you know will value your time and input and skip those that don't respond to you....

fins

[lynn P.]

I can see where you're coming from - this has happened to me where I wrote a good answer that was in the general opinion of the thread. All answers were acknowledged but mine. I don't even need a reply, but putting thanks on all but one does make me feel a bit left out. If my opinion was negative or out of the ordinary, I wouldn't expect anything. When I start threads I usually put my thanks on all replies unless the person's negative.

Originally Posted by peridot28

I'm super sensitive sometimes to a fault. I don't post much on the forums, but I do read here A LOT, mostly at night on my phone. I tend not to respond to a lot of threads, because I can't just stop at a few sentences. I usually respond with a well thought out post that takes me literally an hour to put together sometimes.

I'm a grammar and spelling geek, so I have to be sure everything looks and sounds correct. Many times, after I've hit the "submit" button, I see mistakes anyway, so my posts are always edited. Zoinks!

Anyway, I post my heartfelt response and would you know it, the original poster (OP) never acknowledges my post. I'm not going to lie, it makes me so, so angry. They respond and quote posters above me and below me, but don't respond to my post. It's why I don't post much. Maybe my posts are too long. Maybe it's not what they wanted to hear. I don't know.

Anyone else ever feel this way? I just want to get some feedback on it so that I don't continue to get my feelings hurt, but just chock it up to it being how things work in general on forums.

I am sorry that this makes you feel upset and angry, I know when I reply to posts I write it all out then I delete it all as I think it sounds stupid, I am glad of some input when people reply to me...........I get what you're saying though as this has happened to me too.

[peridot28]

Originally Posted by purple_fins

Im so sorry this has happened to you too. I understand the work that goes into a post for some of us-- I do the checking and re-checking and then still I have to go and edit a lot of my posts.

I sure hope I didn't overlook a response of yours to me
I try hard to respond to all those that take time to reply to me-- I understand that the person could have just not posted to me-- so I think they should be shown appreciation when possible.

have you kept track of those that didn't respond to you?... this may sound mean but I quit responding to those that don't acknowledge the time I've spent for them..... maybe you can respond to those that you know will value your time and input and skip those that don't respond to you....

fins

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I can see where you're coming from - this has happened to me where I wrote a good answer that was in the general opinion of the thread. All answers were acknowledged but mine. I don't even need a reply, but putting thanks on all but one does make me feel a bit left out. If my opinion was negative or out of the ordinary, I wouldn't expect anything. When I start threads I usually put my thanks on all replies unless the person's negative.

purpefins and lynn P., I don't know if you remember, but you were two of the first posters to be so loving and welcoming to me in my first thread I posted about my abuse. Every time I see your names I remember how awesome you guys are. Thank you so much for giving me your feedback. It means A LOT!

purplefins, I like your idea to remember which posters do respond back. Thank you for your sweet hugs.

lynn P., you're so right. Just hitting the "Thanks" button is good for me. Sometimes, I know people don't have it in them to respond, but clicking the "Thanks" button is always a good response.

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

I am sorry that this makes you feel upset and angry, I know when I reply to posts I write it all out then I delete it all as I think it sounds stupid, I am glad of some input when people reply to me...........I get what you're saying though as this has happened to me too.

Buttercup, thank you so much! I'm sorry you delete your posts. I bet they aren't stupid, especially if they are coming from your heart and are helpful. I love your name.

[lynn P.]

purpefins and lynn P., I don't know if you remember, but you were two of the first posters to be so loving and welcoming to me in my first thread I posted about my abuse. Every time I see your names I remember how awesome you guys are. Thank you so much for giving me your feedback. It means A LOT!

Awwww what a very nice thing to say to us peridot28.....thank you and you're more than welcome.

I can relate to this too. I try not to take it personally, but, like you guys, if everyone else who has posted replies to the OP has gotten a mention or a 'thanks' and mine seems to have been the only reply completely ignored, I have felt a little hurt, and 'what am I, chopped liver?'

Sometimes I don't have much to say but want to show support (the new 'hug' button will be great for this!) but like you guys I often take the time to type a thoughtful reply, so it's not nice when I feel like I've been snubbed... though I guess sometimes oversights can happen. If I ever start a thread, I really appreciate all of those who take the time to post and read their words with genuine interest, I always try to reply where I can, or at least acknowledge with a 'thanks' to show my appreciation... but, I guess not everyone does the same, and I/we maybe shouldn't take this to heart too much. Maybe others just aren't as sensitive as some of us, and don't realise that this type of thing can be upsetting? I'm sure it's not intentional, or necessarily even about us or what we've written... or so I keep telling myself!

Try not to let it put you off, I think for the most part this is a supportive community, with lots of thoughtful, kind, caring and understanding participants.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I can relate to this too. I try not to take it personally, but, like you guys, if everyone else who has posted replies to the OP has gotten a mention or a 'thanks' and mine seems to have been the only reply completely ignored, I have felt a little hurt, and 'what am I, chopped liver?'

Sometimes I don't have much to say but want to show support (the new 'hug' button will be great for this!) but like you guys I often take the time to type a thoughtful reply, so it's not nice when I feel like I've been snubbed... though I guess sometimes oversights can happen. If I ever start a thread, I really appreciate all of those who take the time to post and read their words with genuine interest, I always try to reply where I can, or at least acknowledge with a 'thanks' to show my appreciation... but, I guess not everyone does the same, and I/we maybe shouldn't take this to heart too much. Maybe others just aren't as sensitive as some of us, and don't realise that this type of thing can be upsetting? I'm sure it's not intentional, or necessarily even about us or what we've written... or so I keep telling myself!

Try not to let it put you off, I think for the most part this is a supportive community, with lots of thoughtful, kind, caring and understanding participants.

This is exactly how I feel, You put it so much better than I could

[pegasus]

Hi peridot,

There can be so many reasons why your reply is not acknowledged. I noticed that you post a lot in the psychotherapy forum. It could be that the OP is too distressed to acknowledge every reply. A lot of people in therapy are talking about traumatic experiences. Try not to take it personally because even if your post is not acknowledged by the OP it will be very helpful to other people reading. Hugs to you.

[notz]

I'm a grammar and spelling geek, so I have to be sure everything looks and sounds correct. Many times, after I've hit the "submit" button, I see mistakes anyway, so my posts are always edited.

So, you know me?

[Caretaker Leo]

Just some thoughts that might be helpful...

I have also posted heartfelt responses, but I guess I am not super sensitive regarding being acknowledged for what I've written.

For me, if I've written such a response, I tend to view it as a way to share similar experiences and in many cases, a way to get my thoughts out of my brain. A way to release my own pain and free me from my demons perhaps?

Maybe it is up to each of us individually to decide what our purpose in posting responses is all about. Maybe, if it is important to know that the OP read your response, you can add a line "please let me know if my response is helpful to you."

[peridot28]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I'm sure it's not intentional, or necessarily even about us or what we've written... or so I keep telling myself!

Try not to let it put you off, I think for the most part this is a supportive community, with lots of thoughtful, kind, caring and understanding participants.

Thank you, just_some_girl! This is so right. My therapist is really helping me to work through this aspect of myself, of not taking things so personally. I do it my real life, as well. It's something I want to stop doing, and I know with my therapist's help and the skills she's teaching me I'll be able to do that.

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

This is exactly how I feel, You put it so much better than I could

So true! I agree, Buttercup.

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hi peridot,

There can be so many reasons why your reply is not acknowledged. I noticed that you post a lot in the psychotherapy forum. It could be that the OP is too distressed to acknowledge every reply. A lot of people in therapy are talking about traumatic experiences. Try not to take it personally because even if your post is not acknowledged by the OP it will be very helpful to other people reading. Hugs to you.

This is a good thing for me to keep in mind. Posts in the psychotherapy are usually people in distress and they are probably consumed with their situations. I get a lot out of other people's posts, so I see what you mean. I've had lots of aha moments reading thread posts.

Originally Posted by notz

So, you know me?

Hehehe! Are we twins?

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Just some thoughts that might be helpful...

I have also posted heartfelt responses, but I guess I am not super sensitive regarding being acknowledged for what I've written.

For me, if I've written such a response, I tend to view it as a way to share similar experiences and in many cases, a way to get my thoughts out of my brain. A way to release my own pain and free me from my demons perhaps?

Maybe it is up to each of us individually to decide what our purpose in posting responses is all about. Maybe, if it is important to know that the OP read your response, you can add a line "please let me know if my response is helpful to you."

Thanks, Caretaker Leo! You're right, it's a good way to process some of my stuff. I've done that a few times and have even read some of my posts to my therapist. She loves to hear how I respond to things. I'm too shy to say, "Please let me know if my response is helpful to you," but it is a great suggestion.

Thanks so much, everybody. You've been so kind.

[roads]

Originally Posted by peridot28

Anyone else ever feel this way? I just want to get some feedback on it so that I don't continue to get my feelings hurt, but just chock it up to it being how things work in general on forums.

Yep, me too. Glad you brought it up. I've been trying not to notice.

[Flooded]

I'm almost certain that if an op doesn't reply to me, I've hit a nerve.

If I don't reply, it's usually because I can't say what I want to in one sentence

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Maybe, if it is important to know that the OP read your response, you can add a line "please let me know if my response is helpful to you."

There are three ways I can see myself responding in that situation:

• I did find the response helpful, I already know I found it helpful, I'd like to tell the responder I found it helpful, but (and obviously this is just me): the "please let me know" takes some of the fun out of it. I'm no longer telling them because I felt like it, I'm telling them because they asked, and I'm expecting them to wonder if I really meant it.
  
  It reminds me of trying to answer someone's question, "Do these pants make me look fat?"

• I didn't find the response especially helpful, I'm not sure how well the responder understood me... but for all I know I might not have understood them either, and they they were kind enough to answer, so there's no way I'd want to tell them, "No, I didn't find it helpful, "

• I'm still hanging out with their reply. It almost certainly touched a little bit on some issues of mine ("hit a nerve," as Flooded put it), or why would I have bothered to ask? I'm sure I don't fully understand the reply yet, nor know if it'll be helpful to me. For all I know, it could be a week or a year before I do. Am I going to come up with a way to tell the responder all that? If I do, will it be this year?

I can't speak for anyone else but when I don't say one way or the other if something was helpful to me, that most likely means I'm still hanging out with it -- and getting more out of it than if I'd said, "Yes, it was very helpful, thank you very much... [There, got that over with, now where was I? ]"

[lizardlady]

Peridot, thank you for posting this. I'm not sure I always reply to everyone who replies to my posts. Thinking about it f I don't reply it's for a variety of reasons... I may not know what to say in reply, I may be pondering the response, the person's response may have offnded me and I don't want to respond in kind, the poster missed the point of what I posted.

It's been interesting to read everyone's contributions to this thread. I have a secondary question for those who want a response to their reply. Do you expect a written response/acknowledgment or is a "thanks" sufficeint?

[SophiaG]

Maybe what you wrote was helpful for other people that were reading the thread? I mean, it's not just the OP that reads threads. You might've helped someone you weren't even directing your response towards.

[sabby]

There is also another possibility that no one has mentioned here specifically. Many times, when an OP is reading through responses, especially if it's a busy thread like so many are in Psychotherapy or Relationships, while processing all that they are reading, it could be very easy to miss a thanks or a response to a poster. This does not mean that the OP found anything you said outside of being supportive. It means they may have just missed responding or thanking you for your post. I've done it myself when I've been in a hurry or very stressed and I'm processing.