[Catmom3]

Lately I've been noticing a cluster of people tend to bring up "mature subjects" in the Coffeehouse which expressly says NOT to discuss that there.... and this group of people seems OBSESSED with that. That is inconsiderate to us who are rape survivors and survivors of other kinds of sexual assault.

There are some where EVERY OTHER remark they make is geared at something to do with SEX. Personally I find myself having anxiety attacks in chat when that occurs.... and I came here to pursue my own HEALING and NOT to be "triggered" every few minutes.

They also don't discuss "emotional support" issues in the emotional support room. The same clique talks about watching football games in there which belongs in The Coffeehouse.....

I get scared with talk about Satanism, deadly scorpion breeding, and when tarantulas turn deadly. I come here to get AWAY from the macabre, from the scary, and to HEAL.

Maybe this makes me a WEIRDO but I have been seriously considering whether or not to DEACTIVATE my account here. DocJohn told me to block those who make me too uncomfortable... well it seems that nobody even enforces on here what rooms are for what anymore.

There is NEVER a moderator in chat... WHY?

[HALLIEBETH87]

<3 Are you ok?

[Catmom3]

NOT really.... I have to leave the room OFTEN because of inappropriate chat. I do NOT go into the "adult chat" room and certainly do NOT expect "adult chat" in the coffeehouse room. I wish I could feel ok. And there's never anyone to appeal to in order to get things put right... I'm thinking I'm going to tell the cluster who want adult chat to go "get a room" and go to adult chat.

Originally Posted by Catmom3

I'm thinking I'm going to tell the cluster who want adult chat to go "get a room" and go to adult chat.

Dude, do it. If I'm part of the problem, I really do apologize. I don't always realize what room I'm in, but I will make a real effort to be aware of where I am and what the topic is from now on. I really didn't realize anyone was feeling this way.

But yeah, if you feel that way, it's completely valid.
I got you.


ETA: I'm really glad you said something. There are probably other people who feel this way, but if no one says anything, no one knows.
Thanks.

[DocJohn]

We don't have moderators in chat because our community support team is made up entirely of volunteers who donate their time to helping keep our community safe.

If you come across inappropriate chat room behavior, simply save a copy of the chat transcript and PM it to any community support team member, and we'll look into the issue further. Also tell us what room the chat occurred in when PMing the transcript.

Of course, in-depth discussion of adult topics -- like sex -- is prohibited in the Coffeehouse (which is our general social chat room for all ages). While an occasional mention or simple flirting is a-okay, when the topic starts to veer off into a longer discussion of sex or sexual preferences, the participants should recognize this and say, "Hey, let's go over to Adult Chat to continue this discussion, okay?'

Thanks,
DocJohn

As someone who openly has an edgier sense of humour I have to say, I don't think chat has been that bad lately...in fact for the last few months it's been rather quiet so I'm not sure specifically what you're referring too but as there seems to be a lot of topics which disturb you I would recommend placing people on 'block' on chat or making your own room with either a password or specific rules.

You have to bare in mind that for a lot of people sex doesn't automatically mean rape or abuse and whilst it might not be appropriate to that room I have to honestly say I've certainly not seen anything in recent recollection that was explicit or inappropriate.

Emotional support can also take many forms....in fact I've always found it rather odd that we have a whole room dedicated to it, when we all visit chat for one form of support or another.

Maybe chat just isn't for you - and there's nothing wrong with that. Did you know you can create your own group of like minded people where you can discuss whatever you want? Perhaps this might be better for you.

[(JD)]

Re: WHY is there NEVER a moderator in the chat rooms?

Because there aren't enough moderators for a website of this size and fashion.

Copy and paste the chat room's "rules" at the top of the page when you enter the room, and see if anyone responds. Some will be snarky anyway. You might also share that they can make a private chat room here for that kind of topic.

[Lamia_13]

PC is a cyber support website with a mission to help those with mental illness, either personally or for a loved one. Cyber affords global access to PC's support and resources.

It is valuable to keep in mind that different countries have different laws regarding "offensive" behaviors in community, open chat venues. The protection of minors is agreed upon worldwide.

[Gus1234U]

i used to be a regular in chats. i'm mature and well educated, but i find many times that chat is populated with people who seem to have no boundaries. even if i leave and go to another room, it seems they follow me, determined to have their conversation where ever i am.

i have tried several times to create a member room, where i can have some control over what goes on, but have never been able to enter the room i created~! and it wasn't even pass-worded. i have seen this happen to others, who were trying to get away, also.

i hope this new server and the fine-tuning of chat clears up this problem.

[Catmom3]

Thanks for answering me everyone, especially DocJohn... if I see sex talk happening in the Coffeehouse I will suggest to the participants they take it to the Adult room from here on out... if it keeps up in the Coffeehouse, I will LEAVE because it IS a trigger for me.

[Catmom3]

Spockette, I have NEVER seen you in the chat room when I am there... it is always the SAME cluster of people.... and I always leave shaking. They take over the room as if it is a dating site and want to get on the verge of being explicit and, for me, it is a HUGE trigger. Enough said.

[shezbut]

Catmom3,

Please don't forget that you should copy & paste conversation that you ever find to be highly inappropriate and triggering. Send that to us, the Community Support Team, so we are able to look into things and make a group determination if something should be done.

That is what we ask of all PC members that take part in our chat rooms, as we can't always be there. We have jobs to work, family, and ourselves to care for properly as well. So, the chat rooms is certainly a challenge for us to monitor as much as we'd like.

[NWgirl2013]

I don't mind a little randy bantering, but I know what you mean Catmom. I appreciate you bringing this up.
I haven't been back to chat in quite awhile because there were some who were asking weirdly inappropriate (to me), lewd & graphic questions, trying to draw me into... I'm still not sure what the heck.. I went to Emotional Support Chat after a friend died & got hit with that. Sheesh.

In my emotional state at the time it felt like an assault and is definitely Not why I am on Psych Central.

In life, and here, words like dignity, respect, class - mean something to me. It is what I hope for, it is what I expect to be treated with...(and humor, we can't forget we all need to laugh sometimes).

But the chat rooms have names for a reason. Maybe the purpose needs to be restated again...
You are braver than me to wade back into that.

Good wishes to all of us on our journey's .
__________________

[DocJohn]

Remember, too, that the chat rooms are not for everyone, and that when you enter chat, people have no idea what kind of emotional state or place you may be in. It's primarily a social medium, meant to help people ease their day.

Again, if people are violating the chat room etiquette, drop one of us a note and let us know who's doing it and when, and we can look into it further. Moderation here relies on our members; without your help and participation, we can't make this place better!

DocJohn

[-jimi-]

Since I'm just a member I don't see it as my job reporting people. Sure, I have seen people bending and breaking rules, which isn't that uncommon in chat. The few times I have reported things, it has been when one chatter has personally attacked another one. I feel quite protective that way, personal attacks is a no-go for me.

But as for going off topic in emotional support chat, I have done it myself. It happens when we are inbetween support topics. It's not a problem I think, but it would be a problem if someone then brings up a support topic and then is ignored. Not cool. But otherwise, sometimes we cool off after intense talk with a little smalltalk. I see no harm in that.

As for triggery topics, I think even if chat forbids people from saying certain things, it's in your best interest to skip rooms. Here we have more than one room, so there is no real need to stay with a triggery topic. And you can always create your own room too. I think it is a good exercise in taking responsibility for the environments you put yourself in. I have triggers that are allowed talking about, so I have to practice this all the time, and it has strengthened me, instead of thinking someone else should take care of my problem.

Something that I indeed find good on PC is that when there is a lot of people on, there is often someone to talk to if triggered. Someone who can take a few minutes in private to offer support. Just ask, tell the room you had a trigger and ask if someone will private chat for a while. I have found it sort of defuses a few triggery stuff I come across in real life as well.

And not to forget, the chat is like a live organism, sometimes IT has bad days. Forgive and move on.

[NWgirl2013]

Thanks Doc John & Jimi. I'm pretty sure I can handle myself now & was only relaying my (very) limited experience. I have never been on chat anywhere in life, so it was a learning experience. Thanks for that!

You are correct, it is not for everyone. In my case, I observed for awhile, tried to steer the conversation gently but was unsuccessful and left. No harm, no foul. It didn't harm me, it just wasn't helpful. I needed support. That's all.

I don't want to inhibit anyone, & think I did the right thing by leaving the party. It didn't occur to me to report what others were clearly enjoying.

I am so glad the rooms are more clearly defined now. If the rules are followed it will make all the hard work worthwhile & make it a better place for everyone.

Thanks to those who worked on this. You are appreciated.

[huntatwa]

if you dont like what they are talking about a simple "hey can you guys not talk about that in here" and im pretty sure people would understand

[Catmom3]

Because I am AFRAID of being bullied if I do that huntatwa.

[Catmom3]

Jimi.... I don't hang out in "adult chat" for the more "mature" sex talk because it IS a triggery topic. The coffeehouse is supposed to be FREE OF THAT. Yet some take it over with sex talk and innuendoes so while I partly agree I have the ability to change rooms, where do I go when these same people go to any room I am in with their "adult talk"? There needs to be a place SAFE from it and a specific place FOR it and as the chat rooms are set up to have those zones it is up to others to RESPECT the boundaries Doc John has put in place for that too.

I have survived rape, ok? Sex talk turns me OFF and makes me feel like people are being predators. My closest male friend is gay and not a threat. Since you seem to know WHY it is triggery, I'm putting my FACTS out there.... and if I get ridiculed for it, I will just LEAVE and not come back.

People who HAVE TO DOMINATE things with sex talk in rooms specifically stated it is NOT to occur in there are the sort who will harm a woman offline if given the chance.... they don't respect boundaries... they do what THEY want at everyone else's expense. To be honest, I DO NOT feel safe here and am trying VERY hard to overcome that.

If I can't, I will log out sometime and NOT return. People who FORCE their will on others through dominance and control have those traits in common with rapists and sexual molestors. That is a RED FLAG to me and I don't keep people around me who do that. For me it both a mental and physical safety thing.

Goodnight.

Originally Posted by jimi...

...but it would be a problem if someone then brings up a support topic and then is ignored. Not cool.

That is, it is actually a problem.
This happens frequently.
It has happened to me repeatedly.

The few times I initially tried to be vocal about it I was pushed back at and was given... a kind of unwelcome impression of my motivations for expressing distress.

So now I don't usually go into emotional support as I haven't found the name of the room to be accurately descriptive [to be fair, people can't be attentive to every single word said every second, and I have probably missed someone's distress at times... but I've found this to be repeated events]

The times that I do express distress I am literally completely flipping out and have just no idea how else to express myself other than unrestrained verbage, so I kind of just lose my composure sometimes because I literally have no one else to talk to.

I should be able to gain support somewhere before I reach that point, but I don't feel I can.

I don't expect this place to be my first line of defense against the oogyboogyickybads...

But sometimes it seems to fall short of making support a priority, um... if that is the singular point, and it includes the chat rooms.

I've never used chat. Never felt a need or desire to do so. Is there anything good about it that I'm missing?

[DocJohn]

Again, we can only ensure we keep the chat rooms safe by reporting what you view as unsafe behavior, or people who are bullying you. We have no capability or capacity to monitor the chat rooms 24/7 in a free community like this.

Bullying is NOT tolerated in our community, and members face warnings and/or suspensions if they engage in such behavior -- in chat, in PMs, or on our forums.

DocJohn

[-jimi-]

I'm not gonna make excuses for some people or anything, but when you hang out in chat a bit you learn who you mix with and not. Some people are simply there for social chat and they might bend rules, you learn who they are, if they are there and I'm bothered by them I don't join the same room.

As for excluding people, I really hate when it happens. Sometimes it's sort of by accident but if not it really sucks, I know. No one should be excluded or ignored IMO.

[NWgirl2013]

Originally Posted by George H.

I've never used chat. Never felt a need or desire to do so. Is there anything good about it that I'm missing?

~Hey George~ I am not a 'chatter' so much but with all the chatter about the chat rooms I went in today and had a VERY PLEASANT EXPERIENCE with some very nice People.
Gus has a nice room called Bide A Wee.
I also have spent some very pleasant time in SadDad's room MusicShare. It is people finding fun music on Youtube to share. If it gets weird, anywhere, I'm out.
Just wanted to share...

[Just Carmen]

In fairness, I feel the same way about two hours worth of talk about just food and recipes. I have suggested they go make a food room or something but they don't. My issue, not theirs, I leave.