Counselor or Psychiatrist?

I know this is my personal opinion and I know OE will put it into much better perspective but I really don't think you should be worrying or be concerned with what is best for the therapist. It is about YOU...not them. A good therapist will always want you to do what is helpful to you and what is best for you. They will be patient and I know sometimes some of them get overwhelmed but they will work through it with you, at your pace.

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've posted here. Just needed a break, been a lot going on and I just needed some down time away from the computer. But, I did finally make an appointment with the counselor here in town. She seems nice. Of course our first meeting was mostly and meet and greet, but one thing did impress me about her. At some point I went off in my head somewhere, while she was talking. She asked me "are you still with me?" It kind of caught me off guard, I said "yes" she said "are you sure?" and I said "yes", but I wasn't there at all. It was like pulling myself back in the moment and my "self" didn't want to come. I stood up, adjusted my seating and we continued talking. She asked what I was thinking about and I told her I had no idea what she had been talking about for the past few minutes. She said "I thought so." Soooooo, no one has ever called me out on this, and I know I do it. But I thought it was only something I recognized, afterwards, and that there was no physical clue as to my mental traveling that would draw attention to it. I see her again on Tuesday. I'm not bombarding her with information, just answer the questions she has. She wanted me to do an assignment out of the PTSD workbook but I can't find that book anywhere in the house. Oh well.

Aloha Trace,

Great to see you're back! Find the book Trace!! I'm very excited to see you have started your journey of discovery AND you found a T that appears tuned in to how you "zone out." I have worked on my CPTSD for many years and know how much freedom and healing can occur when we find effective treatment. Please keep us posted on your progress, I wish you peace of mind, kindness and compassion along the way

i hope you do well god luck

Thanks Cloudy for responding, I've looked for that book and can't find it. At the beginning I was ordering all these CPTSD books and searching on the internet for answers like a mad woman. Most of the books I just scanned through to see if anything applied to me, then I put it down. I expect while moving some of Dad's stuff out of the living room in got tossed in one of those boxes and I'm not going back in those boxes for a while. Usually I keep all my books in one place, it's odd that this one has disappeared. The T said we wouldn't use the book that much so I'm not ordering another one. Yes, this T is surprisingly in tune with what's going on. It's interesting , yet terrifying at the same time.
You live in Hawaii? Wow.
Thank you avlady for your response.

Hi Trace, just catching up on this thread. I am sorry, I thought I read that you had children, got away from husband and were living in your mom's basement. Well, I know I did read that, but must have confused that individual with you somehow. Well, don't know where my mind was, sorry for the confusion, I ususally am pretty good with remembering too, must have been having too many challenges myself and remembered wrong. Oh, well, I am definitely not a perfect person, I do my best to give it a good try though.

Here is another way to think about PTSD that might help. I have a Mustang that I pretty much rescued from an owner that could not afford to feed him and was neglecting him. However, he also had been abused too. So, he is "very" sensitive about certain things. Yet, he is amazingly smart, loves to learn and is actually a very kind sweet animal, not a mean bone in him really.

Ok, so I first focus on feeding him and working on his awful diareah from being malnourished and on the nervous side and probably had not been wormed in, who knows how long. I was not going to see him for what he really was challenged with until he was "healthier". Another problem I had with him is tooth damage on one side of his mouth. Not only that but something hit him really bad because he was missing part of his upper jaw bone too. And, I soon learned that someone must have hit him because he gets very frightened when someone approaches him with something in their hand, especially if that someone is a man.

So me and my daughter (my daughter is just amazing with horses/animals) slowly worked on getting him to "trust" being handled and being touched with objects. Also my daughter spent a lot of time training him to which he really LOVED learning and is very smart. He got so he trusted more and gained a lot in his training too. He learned dressage and jumping and going to shows and competing. He is actually very beautiful, looks like a black Andelusion. Well, these Mustangs come from the Spanish Andelusions that were brought here a very long time ago during the Spanish American Wars. Many of them were Stallions and ended being let loose where they became our Wild American Mustangs. Andelusions/Iberian Horses are known to be extremely talented and intelligent horses. So my Mustang, though he is small, is really a beautiful animal.

He knows a lot now, however, he will always be very sensitive to people that walk towards him with something in their hand. He will never forget whatever it was that "hurt" him badly. Yet, he is a loving sweet intelligent horse just the same. Any time I have a vet come, or my farrier, I have taught them how to approach him, be respectful and spend time "talking to him gently" until he realizes they won't hurt him, then he allows them to tend to his needs. That is true for human beings too, we are human but, we are designed to remember "hurts" because we need to in order to survive. When we are hurt, we never forget it either. However, we can slowly learn to gradually overcome it and "trust" and yet also be careful of others who do things that we remember were connected to a hurt somehow.

Well Trace, you have done a lot of things, you have learned a lot of things, and you are very "intelligent" too. But, you have experienced "hurts" and you are very sensitive when you are reminded of anything connected to a hurt. When you sat with that therapist and drifted off the way you did, something about sitting with her triggered that to happen, you have always done that on some level and actually a lot of, if not most people do practice a degree of that too. Like my Mustang, you are eager to learn too, you have done that a lot in your life too, but like my Mustang, you are sensitive when others approach you in a way that reminds you of a hurt. However, with human beings, often "avoidance" happens with "detaching through disassociation". Honestly, I think most human beings do it on some level too. I have seen my father do it, my mother do it and even a therapist I have do it too. My therapist that helped me a lot does it whenever I talk about my mother and he is reminded of his mother, his eyes glass over and he suddenly looks very sleepy. He does that "unknowingly" too, and I know "why" he does that too, his mother suffered from depression and he imprinted that more than he realizes.

Now, back to your mother. Your mother was a "needy" person and my guess is when she was raising you "needed you to fill her needs" when instead she should have been filling your needs. It makes you uncomfortable "now" just as it did way back when, where you needed "her" and she did not really provide for you. You had to learn how to "self nurture", and you got to a point where you realized in order to grow, you had to leave home. Oh and that therapist who said you are not "ready" for therapy? She FAILED you too, she failed in her ability to step up to the plate for you, so probably deep inside, you are not expecting this therapist to know "how" either. But you do want to LEARN so you are giving it a try. You KNOW how to do that right?

You ask, "why now"? Right? Well, you definitely experienced a major trauma and "who" is there to help you with it? Not your mother right? No, once again "you" have to be the strong one, when YOU need comfort. So, that is going to bring about whatever ways you lacked that in your past and it "hurt you". So far, what I am hearing from you is "you had to step up to the plate and be the strong one", and somewhere in all that mess you did try to do it as perfect as you could too. And, most likely when things got tough, AGAIN, there was an abscense of a strong individual that was "there for you".

Am I seeing you here? Is this a gift? Well, some say I seem to do this well, but there have been times in my own life where I had to be "the strong one" and actually at a very "young" age too. So, I have a very good idea of how that challenge goes. Peek a boo, I see you, Peek a boo, I see me too. A therapist who doesn't understand this is useless. You are "not" a bad or weak person if you struggle with PTSD anymore than my Mustang is a bad horse.

Yes you are pretty much on cue with understanding parts of me and that was a very insightful post. You do have a gift and I think you should nourish that gift and help others, as well as helping yourself. I have heard that when you are able to help others you are actually healing yourself, you have reached a point in your healing to give others a hand up. You give a lot of yourself to people in the forum, you are a very special person. Thank you.

Well, I was doing that in what I did tbh. I was really caught completely off guard when I witnessed so much of what I did so badly damaged. I needed help to process it, but was failed badly by those who are supposed to be "professionals" too.

When I joined this site I was literally cut in two, half me and half PTSD that was getting worse and I did not have the right help. And you know what? As I struggled, and I really did struggle badly, I felt so bad for "anyone" who struggled, I certainly never imagined EVER experiencing something this challenging. I know exactly what you are dealing with, and I also know you definitely deserve to have "help" with it too. It really does make a difference when someone "gets" what you are dealing with too. It takes time to unwind whatever is there too, yes, been working on it myself, have gone though some very crippling stages of it.

No one really has "all" the answers, but don't let that stop you from trying, because each peice that a person "can" give adds up and helps.

((Hugs))
OE

I'm proceeding with caution with this T. Wish I could find that PTSD workbook and see what she was wanting me to do. I will just answer her questions, maybe she will get what she needs from that and I will not have to go into everything. Guess we will see, she seems a lot more in tune with PTSD than the other one did.

Another appointment with the new T tomorrow. Dreading it already.

((Trace)), don't be afraid of her, therapy is not a test either, make her "work" for you and talk about how you struggled Sunday even. You test this T and see if she can "help" you, you need to be exposed to someone who can do that with you.

The workbook is not such a big deal, in fact your T can make copies of the work she wanted you to do and have you work on it for your next visit.

How do you really know if she can help? I thought the other one could too. Had no idea that during our sessions she was thinking I wasn't ready for therapy. But she never did really have a plan, or expressed one to me. We talked a lot about her experiences...so much at times I wanted to say I've heard enough about you. But being some what new to this having a T in my life I really didn't know how to respond. I so want to get this over with and it's hard to slow down and let the process sink in.

i hope you do go to the new t you may just get a good one keep thinking positive about it. that was a great post and i learned alot from it too.

Trace for your own information please look up EMDR therapy. It is facinating how people have been helped with this.

The last T that talked so much about herself was not a good T, she was showing signs that she herself was struggling and began needing you to help her. A lot of individuals get into the field of psychology because they themselves have problems and are looking for answers and resolve. I had that experience with a T too, and it was a man who began needing "me" to help him and he really did have some "big" issues as he was a recovering Heroin addict and going through a divorce and actually living at his office and had no car. Can you imagine?

You say I am gifted and should be a therapist right? What have I done with you? Well, I listen and "validate" you and agree "with" you in that there are things you did need that you did not get. I am listening to what you did in your life "in spite" of that lack too.

People tend to think there is some kind of by the book perfect life we are supposed to lead and that if we don't get a certain something we are ruined somehow. No, we are not so much ruined, but we all can be "hurt" and when that happens we do our best to thrive and survive anyway, we call that "survivor". The other term used a lot is "resiliant" and you have been "resiliant" because you kept on "doing" even when you had been "hurt".

There is no therapist that is going to be "perfect" either, we all have our garbage to deal with as human beings. You are not looking for "perfection", instead you are really looking for an individual that can sit with you as a witness and help you slowly grieve and find your way to slowly healing in a way that "you" can manage your life and slowly gain control over the things that "hurt" you and trigger you in this thing called PTSD.

We all tend to have a design on what we want our lives to be, then at middle age we all have to deal with the disappointment in whatever we may have not achieved that we thought or were driven to achieve. The other thing so many of us have to do is find a way to make peace with the imperfections of our parents too. We also have to slowly come to terms with their choices and how we may feel they have hurt us and should have loved us enough to make better choices that we could somehow follow, after all, we are really designed to look up to them and get an idea of how to do life at different stages of life.

You have experienced a horrible trauma because of what your father chose to do. That is a very difficult thing to grieve. You really need help with finding your way to "accepting" that where you can come to some inner sense of peace with it. But you have a lot of history that you never really made peace with Trace, you just kept moving forward. However, you need to sit and talk all of that out with someone that can "listen" and help you to see what you did manage to do that was surviving in spite of, that you have been strong and did really do a lot of things in your life and it's ok if there was no true perfection, because Trace, no one is EVER perfect, truth is we are all just doing the best we can with this thing called "life' and it's OK, to keep learning and growing even though we never really achieve "perfection".

You have your own "story/history" Trace, and you did your best to thrive and you just need the right person you can "trust" to sit and talk it out where you can slowly find your way to an inner piece. You need to find your way to also seeing the positives and things to embrace in spite of the negatives that we all have to find our way to deal with and know they exist but choose to just continue to gravitate towards the positives in life just the same.

Your parents did not have "help" with that, they probably had to figure a lot out without a good mentor that provided encouragement to them. That is why your mother is clingy with you. But Trace, that is something a lot of people struggle with, it's not unique to "you". Proof of that is the volume of members on this site as well as the volume of "visitors" that are just people looking up challenges and end up seeing topics discussed on this site coming up in their searches. The internet is literally "full" of discussions and information that addresses all kinds of human challenges. So, truth is, we are all in the same boat with different "life" challenges. There is "no such thing" as perfect. That being said, we can connect with each other in an effort to find comfort as we find others who have faced the kind of challenges that we face.

We "all" learn and grow throughout our entire lives. And we all have things that we experience that we could not "control" somehow. And when that happens, we need help to grieve whatever it was that we could not control that has also "hurt" us. Grief is part of being "human" and a necessary part of how human beings experience a loss and then develop a desire to understand "why" and talk about it because as we do that, we help each other "thrive".

A therapist is a person who can sit and listen to "your story" and be a witness as well as comfort you, empathize with you, and give you permission to heal and thrive "in spite of". A therapist is human too, and in that will themselves have a journey where there were things that "were not perfect" for them too.
And they "practice" helping all kinds of individuals that have all kinds of challenges. They actually get so they don't "judge" but "share" the experience of "just being human" and how as humans we all have "secret" hurts and vulnerablities.

Thanks OE, a lot of validating there I appreciate your time you must put into a post like this. You are a very wise person.
Today's session went well. I stayed focused and only drifted once I think, maybe a couple of times. But I fought with myself to stay in the moment and answer the questions. That's a lot of work to stay in the moment. She scheduled an appointment for next week. That's another thing that is different from the other T. The other T would ask if I wanted to come back after each session, made me feel like she didn't think I needed to be there but if I wanted to come back, contact the receptionist and make an appointment. I think this T will be honest with me as to when I don't need her services, maybe. I got the PTSD workbook, again. Never did find my copy, so I went and bought another one. So I can work on that some as well.

It could be that you drift off because you did not have another individual that sat and listened to you and you just figure this person will let you down that way too. But that is a subconscious routine, often developed over a period of years of having others not "helping" but taking "from" or expecting you to have all the answers somehow.

PTSD occurs when an individual is overwhelmed with something that is traumatic. Once an individual has been overwhelmed this way it doesn't take much to trigger that feeling of overwhelm that can lead to dissassociation.

It takes time to slowly pick through all the pieces of what that overwhelm meant which is why people who are struggling with PTSD can become very self absorbed and moody.

That is why I emphasize "patience" so much. Most people who don't experience PTSD first hand don't understand how the overwhelm can present itself so quickly that a person begins to want to "avoid" and isolate, and struggle to articulate how challenged they are.

I wouldn't say I was self absorbed but self protective. I try to avoid people and situations that may cause a trigger, which as we know can be about anything or anyone. That's why I isolate myself so much. Moody? Yes, no patience at all with people. There again I just want to be away from them.
My computer died today and I had to get another one because of all I have to do online. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even focus on connecting the wires. I just went to bed and dealt with it later, it was TOO much right then.

Part of me wants to trust this counselor, but at a distance. How much do you have to trust to have a therapeutic relationship?

Yes, that is very normal to want to trust but to be guarded. Nothing wrong with taking this slowly.

How much does one have to trust for it to be therapudic? It really depends on the person as each person is a bit unique with that challenge.

You have been let down so it's normal you would be leary.

A friend stopped by the other day and we were talking about some of the stuff that was going on. She's working on her Doctorate in Psychiatry and also into the spiritual healing stuff. Anyway.....she asked me what I was expecting out of therapy. I didn't know what to say, because really I'm not sure what therapy can do for someone. So what do you expect out of therapy?

Is it necessary to turn over every stone in your emotional creek to get through CPTSD? Can't you just move a few of the obstructing stones so that the flow of life will follow through?

I think "therapy" is more about having the right individual that can listen in a safe non-judgmental way and validate a patient for whatever needs validating and comforting. People are very "complex" and each person struggles in their own way from whatever life experiences that may have been traumatic/challenging to them.

The reason a therapist likes to get a patient's history is so the therapist can understand the patient and see the areas the patient did not get the help and validation they needed and deserved. When people struggle, they tend to "self blame" for whatever they experienced that they could not control somehow or have a different outcome take place. We are all designed to have emotional challenges and review traumatic events and think about the warning signs and what could have prevented. We need to have this desire because it really is a part of how we thrive as a species.

We do feel guilt whenever we did not somehow "prevent" and when we take time to open up and finally talk about whatever it is that we are challenged with, a sense of "relief" takes place. We are designed to have that take place so that we "do" share with each other because as I mentioned, it is part of learning how to thrive better. It is much like getting the urge to urinate, then gaining a relief when we do so, the brain is much like that too even though it is more complex then what we understand as urninating and feeling relief as we evacuate toxins from our system that way.

When a human being is challenged and does need to expel the toxins that do build up in the brain because of these challenges, and for some reason we are not allowed to do what we are designed to do because the people that are supposed to "nurture/help" in some way instead "deny" that process we do not get the relief we are designed to get.
This causes emotional overwhelm which makes it very hard to function as many who struggle complain of. When a person has a way to get the comfort we are designed to gain relief from, that person will slowly begin to feel more relief and slowly make "gains" on whatever that individual has that has been unresolved for them.

While this sounds simple, it is not because often many who struggle were not nurtured or related to properly but instead were treated as though they were a burden in some way for struggling, the individual can have a very hard time with opening up to finally sharing whatever they have that was unresolved in some way. That is where the term, "complex" comes in with the PTSD.

So Trace, therapy for you is not so much about "have to", but instead whatever is "needs to" and that is something different for each individual depending on their personal history.

I felt so guilty after the last session, we talked a lot about childhood and parents and looking back on what I said it didn't paint a very good picture. I'm sure they did the best they could, or knew how to and I should respect that. She wants me to do a timeline with my life involving Dad. This really got me upset. She wants one line to be good times and one line to be not so good times, though she said she didn't want me working on it no more than 30 minutes at a time. She recognizes this will be hard for me. The fireworks are about over thank God. I was outside cleaning Dad's car when the first one went off. I about jumped out of my skin and started getting nauseated. So I came in and turned on the TV's, radios, anything that make noise to drown out the fireworks.

therapy is like urinating like someone said. we need to rid our minds of the toxins of memories that built up inside of us that are bad. it can be done but we need to be patient too. i hope and pray for you that you stick with the therapist if they are good. good luck