Symptoms and Confusion

Within the past year I was diagnosed with ptsd and all the symptoms associated and was in treatment. The diagnosis makes sense and I have been dealing with the hyper-vigilance and anxiety for over a decade or more.

The therapist says the anxiety may be rooted in my childhood (emotionally distant, authoritarian mother, emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse with the occasional physical outburts). I ended up in a marriage with a man that had substance abuse issue and the same types of abuse persisted. I was in that intimate relationship for over 15 years.

I am have been recently shocked by my fear of being abandoned (because I spent decades isolating myself so I could hide the fact of what was occurring). my anxiety is also off the charts; some days I can identify the trigger and others i have no idea. I have also become prone to spells of crying (which makes me more uncomfortable because I was always ridiculed for being weak and crying)

A few weeks ago I lost my job and this has triggered lots of painful memories and fear of years living with financial instability. I am also fearful of losing the few friends I have in my life, those I have been able to connect with after my marriage ended. It seems that I have lost a few already which is painful and I cannot seem to cope with that too.

Since I lost my job, I am not able to keep my therapy appointments. I am looking for work but I am unsure what I can get.

Thanks for taking the time to read and any input is appreciated.

If you are out of work and cannot afford insurance depending on what state you live in you may qualify for getting on state insurance and finding a PTSD therapist through that.

I know what you mean by having bad days, sometimes knowing what the trigger is, and sometimes just not knowing. I have also experienced the episodes of crying too. That could mean some deep injuries are coming up that are sad and you need to just cry and morn whatever it is.

Do you live in the US?

I do live in the states and am trying to navigate my state's benefits. I am hoping to find work with insurance soon.

Today was one of those days where I cannot seem to focus on anything and have cried a lot.