Related to trauma or just crazy?

I was curious as to wethet or not if the use of restraint clearly had some effect on me related to trauma.i clearly remember the first time was not when i was struggling through a mental illness at all but at a doctor office at a six i refused to get a shot it took six doctor's to hold a kicking eight year old then in seventh grade I was afraid of my case managers always watching me carrying hypodermic needles in there pockets or in there draws or going to make me to do strange test.then when i got hauled off to the mental hospital i was afraid they were going to hurt me but not as afraid.i ended up in the er there for not drinking or eating.i was scared i was 16 told my mother was going to be there and she couldn't cause we were to far away.i was told i had to drink and i could leave so i drunk then they wanted to do an iv i refused i was held down restrained and drugged after i wouldn't calm down. Weirdly enough i now watch videos on YouTube of people resisting arrest and being restrained i don't know what the hell is wrong with me.ive never been raped or molested either

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This is traumatic for you - you are not crazy. Medical procedures are sometimes overlooked as being traumatic and you have experienced them from a young age.

[QUOTE=passionfruit3;4865637]I was curious as to wethet or not if the use of restraint clearly had some effect on me related to trauma.i clearly remember the first time was not when i was struggling through a mental illness at all but at a doctor office at a six i refused to get a shot it took six doctor's to hold a kicking eight year old then in seventh grade I was afraid of my case managers always watching me carrying hypodermic needles in there pockets or in there draws or going to make me to do strange test.then when i got hauled off to the mental hospital i was afraid they were going to hurt me but not as afraid.i ended up in the er there for not drinking or eating.i was scared i was 16 told my mother was going to be there and she couldn't cause we were to far away.i was told i had to drink and i could leave so i drunk then they wanted to do an iv i refused i was held down restrained and drugged after i wouldn't calm down. Weirdly enough i now watch videos on YouTube of people resisting arrest and being restrained i don't know what the hell is wrong with me.ive never been raped or molested either

Not crazy, definitely not crazy. Having your autonomy over your body and procedures relating to your body forced upon you by authority figures is traumatic. Having your liberty taken and being institutionalised against your will and being subject to boundary infringement in the shape of medical intervention, pin down, restraint, and invasive procedures is traumatic. Having care givers support this in the face of your distress is also traumatic.
It violates the principles of trust, being heard, being safe and having your wishes and perceptions heard made relevant to the process that people want you to participate in.
Having every scrap of your self autonomy and choice removed and having your space and ability to self sooth limited by others who say that they know better than you do what you need is traumatic and you are not crazy to feel disturbed and shocked by these events.
I am sorry to hear that you went through this and no my lovely you are not crazy you are very SANE and you are demonstrating that you KNOW WHAT HEALTHY is by articulating these most personal and difficult feelings in a safe space.
Best wishes and a hug BH xx