[leomama]

I've had two very discouraging conversations with my father over the past few days. I can't talk to him about the past because he accuses me of dwelling in it. He made a very insulting comment to me a few days ago about being on the dole and when I told him I wasn't On welfare he said I still get money from the government . I told him every time I try to go back to work I have a crisis with my daughter and he's nowhere around to help. When I try to talk to him about my learning disability he says "I guess". Then when I try to talk to him about how he's talking to me he says we can go no contact if that will help. It's like I just can't win with him. I would love to go back to work but I don't have any help with my daughter and haven't been able to make the long term time commitment necessary to get rehabilitated. In the past when I've tried to talk to him about my PTSD he said he thought only veterans get that. I find it very discouraging to talk to him but I don't think going no contact is the solution .

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[here today]

Wish I had something encouraging to say. I've been learning recently that just "being there" for folks can be enough or even what's needed. So, I think I get it. Sorry it's so tough.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Patience is all - you seem to be doing the best possible.

[Fuzzybear]

"Dwelling" - as if that was a choice

(I've been told that too (long ago by the family of origin).. Such garbage bores me )

Patience... Probably good advice

I did find that going no contact with such "people" was preferable to "dealing" with their continuing ignorance and disrespect

I'm sorry your "family" does not live up to that word

[leomama]

Thanks, it looks like I'm going to have a chance to educate my dad about bpd so maybe there's a silver lining .

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[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by leomama

I've had two very discouraging conversations with my father over the past few days. I can't talk to him about the past because he accuses me of dwelling in it. He made a very insulting comment to me a few days ago about being on the dole and when I told him I wasn't On welfare he said I still get money from the government . I told him every time I try to go back to work I have a crisis with my daughter and he's nowhere around to help. When I try to talk to him about my learning disability he says "I guess". Then when I try to talk to him about how he's talking to me he says we can go no contact if that will help. It's like I just can't win with him. I would love to go back to work but I don't have any help with my daughter and haven't been able to make the long term time commitment necessary to get rehabilitated. In the past when I've tried to talk to him about my PTSD he said he thought only veterans get that. I find it very discouraging to talk to him but I don't think going no contact is the solution .

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Im a bit confused because america doesnt have the dole. the dole is a UK government work program where those that get government assistance in the Uk (example australia) locations have to meet with their caseworker and be assigned a job site.

you said your father made a comment about you being on the dole. does that mean he is located in the UK and just using that as a reference point because you are in america (your profile says you are here in the US (united States). or are you somewhere in the UK with a location that also uses the abbreviation of US?

reason i ask i have a suggestion. if you are here in the USA you can mail him a copy of the government program here that you are in that can show him the difference between the Dole and welfare systems.

Also if you are here in the USA we have many programs that can help with parenting problems. your therapist or a treatment provider can give you information about the many programs that are centered around parenting hard to manage or special needs children.

[Mondayschild]

You're right, you can't win and likely his expectations would change if you were working and not on welfare and you wouldn't be able to live up to those ones either.
I'm sorry. That sucks. It's hard enough to accept help but then to feel shamed by receiving it is just the icing on the cake. Humans need help and a support system. It sounds like you are doing the very best you can and there is no shame in that.

I have many friends but only 1 that I consider my family. I feel lucky every day that she's in my life. Without her, so many things would've been so much harder.

I hope that you and your dad can find a way to have peace without the constant criticism.

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[PrairieCat]

If all he has to offer you is criticism, why not try no contact? What is there to lose? There is everything to gain by leaving this behind you and going forward.

[leomama]

I'm not on welfare. That's just it. That is exactly what set me off when he said it.

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[leomama]

I don't need parenting help. I'm not on the dole or welfare. The situation is complicated. My brother is visually impaired and applied for a job with the DOR. I'm a divorced parent with a strong willed child and I've had to close cases with the DOR due to parenting responsibilities. I have PTSD.

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