[xenos]

Hi everyone.

I'm currently reading the classic John Bradshaw book, Healing the Shame that binds you, and I've stumbled upon this quote in the book.

" Grandiosity, extreme self-involvement, and lack of interest and empathy for others, in spite of the pursuit of others to obtain admiration and approval"

I related to this quote with my father a lot. My father used and may be still, despite his old age, to seek peoples approval and admiration to an extreme degree. He basically treats people better than his family members, just to seek approval and admiration. He would do an incredible amount of work for others, while he completely lacks any energy, care, empathy, interest toward us. It drove my Mother crazy, because he kind of manipulated people's opinions about who he really is. Everyone outside the family circle would consider him a " great man".

I also related this behavior with the Pete Walker's book, Complex CPTSD, about the Fight/Fawn type of personality. Gravitating towards Fight in home, while being completely Fawn type with other people.

I'm just curious if you lived with such person! and I'm also curious about this dynamic, The individual lacks empathy and yet he seeks people's approval and affirmation via being too involved with them meeting their needs. its seems paradoxical!

Thanks a lot.

[Unrigged64072835]

My dad was like this. He would loan money to buy friends, then leave us short on necessities (like shoes). This (amongst other things) caused a lot of friction between him and my mom. I had to live with the fighting and parents try to get me to "choose sides". He's gone now but the scars remain. I worked through this quite a bit in therapy and it helps.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by xenos

Hi everyone.

I'm currently reading the classic John Bradshaw book, Healing the Shame that binds you, and I've stumbled upon this quote in the book.

" Grandiosity, extreme self-involvement, and lack of interest and empathy for others, in spite of the pursuit of others to obtain admiration and approval"

I related to this quote with my father a lot. My father used and may be still, despite his old age, to seek peoples approval and admiration to an extreme degree. He basically treats people better than his family members, just to seek approval and admiration. He would do an incredible amount of work for others, while he completely lacks any energy, care, empathy, interest toward us. It drove my Mother crazy, because he kind of manipulated people's opinions about who he really is. Everyone outside the family circle would consider him a " great man".

I also related this behavior with the Pete Walker's book, Complex CPTSD, about the Fight/Fawn type of personality. Gravitating towards Fight in home, while being completely Fawn type with other people.

I'm just curious if you lived with such person! and I'm also curious about this dynamic, The individual lacks empathy and yet he seeks people's approval and affirmation via being too involved with them meeting their needs. its seems paradoxical!

Thanks a lot.

I know several people like that. None in the family though. It's sad in a way. One that they need so much outside praise and that they are unaware how the ones close to them feel when they are left out. I will have to say that the people I know like this are good people, they are just different than most.

[Open Eyes]

A lot of politicians are like this, they can be two different people, one in the public eye and yet another away from that public eye.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

A lot of politicians are like this, they can be two different people, one in the public eye and yet another away from that public eye.

I think we can all be different in different roles we play in life. Take a mom spending time with her kids in a park, then the same mom with girl friends out shopping or a night on the town
But to seek that praise from others while neglecting the ones closet to you is a very sad situation on several levels.