[Trace14]

Ever feel like you are being acknowledged but not seen. Seen as a diagnosis, not a person?

[leomama]

I actually saw my p nurse today and asked her about my dx. It wasn't that important to her. What matters is the stress I'm under and what it's doing to me. Hope that was useful.

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[ThisWayOut]

I've felt that way in the healthcare system before. It's incredibly frustrating and invalidating (especially if they have the dx wrong)... luckily, my t doesn't make me feel that way.
You?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I've felt that way in the healthcare system before. It's incredibly frustrating and invalidating (especially if they have the dx wrong)... luckily, my t doesn't make me feel that way.
You?

I do, just a carry over from childhood, I guess. Where "children should be seen and not heard"
The Therapist and client relationship is something I struggle with. Also I don’t want to get to a place where I depend on them to rescue me if I go into crisis. My opinion is that they care as much as you pay them to care, if you think not, fall behind on your payments or not be able to pay the up front fee.
It’s a lot of be seen and not heard. They seem more concerned on how it’s easier to discuss surface issues than to dig deep to the core issues. If you are dealing with trauma issues the surface issues are just a small part of the puzzle.

[leomama]

I propose a different idea: sounds like your dependency needs never got met. What if you allow your therapist to take care of you so you can heal?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by leomama

I propose a different idea: sounds like your dependency needs never got met. What if you allow your therapist to take care of you so you can heal?

I really don't think a T wants to get that involved, or blur those lines between T and client. A T is a paid service. You pay them to listen to you and maybe care on a shallow level, but not to be your friend or buddy. Like your doctor, dentist, car mechanic, etc. But first you would have to find a T that you could trust and you felt like had your best interest at heart. If you think your T is more than what I've described you are setting yourself up for rejection and heart break, JMHO.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Trace14

I really don't think a T wants to get that involved, or blur those lines between T and client. A T is a paid service. You pay them to listen to you and maybe care on a shallow level, but not to be your friend or buddy. Like your doctor, dentist, car mechanic, etc. But first you would have to find a T that you could trust and you felt like had your best interest at heart. If you think your T is more than what I've described you are setting yourself up for rejection and heart break, JMHO.

I encourage you to look at psychodynamic therapy.
It sounds like you need reparenting.
Remember, c-ptsd and bpd have a lot in common.
I encourage you to read up on that.
If what I am saying makes no sense to you then I will drop it.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by leomama

I encourage you to look at psychodynamic therapy.
It sounds like you need reparenting.
Remember, c-ptsd and bpd have a lot in common.
I encourage you to read up on that.
If what I am saying makes no sense to you then I will drop it.

Well, I can't argue the point with you. What I don't understand is why one of the T's I've been seeing couldn't figure that out. I don't think BPD is an issue though.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Well, I can't argue the point with you. What I don't understand is why one of the T's I've been seeing couldn't figure that out. I don't think BPD is an issue though.

It could be the level of their education. The psychologist that treated me had a Psy.D. Maybe they weren't trained in psychodynamic theory. It also could be your location. I've heard not every place is equal in terms of treatment .

[Lauliza]

The education level has nothing to do with a Ts therapeutic approach. There is no specific training for psychodynamic therapy whether you are a Ph.D. Or a Masters. They can be a certified psychoanalyst, but that is not the same thing and related to supplemental certification, not the masters of Ph.D. Reparenting is simply a theoretical approach that is not taught in masters and phd programs, at least not on the east coast (sorry I don't know where you live). Where I live, in Boston, you'd have a hard time finding any t who does this, as many don't accept it as an effective approach. That said, I do think you can find a T who is willing to dig far below the surface, you just need to interview them and be very clear on what you want. I agree that psychodynamic therapy may be more in line with what you are looking for, although you really to be specific about what you are looking for in terms of content and what want in the T as a professional (a lot of Ts say they do psychodynamic therapy but have very different approaches). I think many Ts stay closer to the surface because they are most concerned with symptom resolution and overall functioning. It is a professional relationship but that doesn't mean they don't care about you. It may be limited in scope to some extent but that's because blurring those lines often causes more harm then good. But a t that makes you feel like a walking diagnosis is one I would avoid.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

The education level has nothing to do with a Ts therapeutic approach. There is no specific training for psychodynamic therapy whether you are a Ph.D. Or a Masters. They can be a certified psychoanalyst, but that is not the same thing and related to supplemental certification, not the masters of Ph.D. Reparenting is simply a theoretical approach that is not taught in masters and phd programs, at least not on the east coast (sorry I don't know where you live). Where I live, in Boston, you'd have a hard time finding any t who does this, as many don't accept it as an effective approach. That said, I do think you can find a T who is willing to dig far below the surface, you just need to interview them and be very clear on what you want. I agree that psychodynamic therapy may be more in line with what you are looking for, although you really to be specific about what you are looking for in terms of content and what want in the T as a professional (a lot of Ts say they do psychodynamic therapy but have very different approaches). I think many Ts stay closer to the surface because they are most concerned with symptom resolution and overall functioning. It is a professional relationship but that doesn't mean they don't care about you. It may be limited in scope to some extent but that's because blurring those lines often causes more harm then good. But a t that makes you feel like a walking diagnosis is one I would avoid.

Thanks, I appreciate the input. I too live on the East coast and haven't seen anyone , a T, advertise , Psychodynamic therapy. This would be easier if I had the energy and resources to shop around. I get treatment from the VA and they are very limited on therapy options. Even if I could get outside help, who has the time and energy to go through the process of interviewing a T? Besides I have never had one say no I don't do that. They get you in there and then you find out they are not as versed in what you need.
*sigh* But thanks for responding back, it's just frustrating.

[Lauliza]

True, it's exhausting to make phone calls to Ts and "interview" them (I've never done so myself and would just wing it in the past). You also will rarely find one that tells you they don't do psychodynamic therapy even if they usually don't. If you go through the VA then I imagine most of your options are for shorter term therapy and therefore behavioral based therapists. Not a bad thing but it doesn't sound like what you are looking for.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

True, it's exhausting to make phone calls to Ts and "interview" them (I've never done so myself and would just wing it in the past). You also will rarely find one that tells you they don't do psychodynamic therapy even if they usually don't. If you go through the VA then I imagine most of your options are for shorter term therapy and therefore behavioral based therapists. Not a bad thing but it doesn't sound like what you are looking for.

True enough. It's sad that Veterans have such limited resources, which makes the high suicide rate not that surprising. Maybe one day it will get better.

[ThisWayOut]

I think the problem mostly lies in the therapists you have access to, and the type of treatments they are allowed to offer.
Personally, I am fairly confident my t cares about me beyond the paycheck (or lack thereof thanks to the small amount insurance approves her to charge). She's proven over time that she's willing to change up the way she works with me to fit what I need in the moment. While I balk at the thought of "reparenting", I do know my t works from an attachment perspective. She's also open to being supportive outside of the paid hour. It's definitely helped build up trust and held teach me to balance myself. She also does maintain her own boundaries though, and keels them consistent...

I can relate to the "children are seen, not heard" concept. It's such a relief once you finally feel heard.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I think the problem mostly lies in the therapists you have access to, and the type of treatments they are allowed to offer.
Personally, I am fairly confident my t cares about me beyond the paycheck (or lack thereof thanks to the small amount insurance approves her to charge). She's proven over time that she's willing to change up the way she works with me to fit what I need in the moment. While I balk at the thought of "reparenting", I do know my t works from an attachment perspective. She's also open to being supportive outside of the paid hour. It's definitely helped build up trust and held teach me to balance myself. She also does maintain her own boundaries though, and keels them consistent...

I can relate to the "children are seen, not heard" concept. It's such a relief once you finally feel heard.

You are very fortunate to have that T. But I do think she/he is an exception to the rule. Not only from my own experience but by working with T's on a professional level I was very disappointed in their true feelings about working with clients and I guess that has jaded my perspective of them for the most part.
Everyone needs to be heard. Thanks for posting.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Trace14

You are very fortunate to have that T. But I do think she/he is an exception to the rule. Not only from my own experience but by working with T's on a professional level I was very disappointed in their true feelings about working with clients and I guess that has jaded my perspective of them for the most part.
Everyone needs to be heard. Thanks for posting.

Yeah, I do think my t trends to be the exception these days. I've found t's in private practice, and ones with a good sense of self-care are the ones more likely to genuinely care. I've worked with a fair amount of t's who were burnt-out or jaded. Actually, a former boss is the biggest reason I question a t's genuineness. We worked in a congregate care setting together and the things that were said behind closed doors made me cringe. I get the need to decompress and joke about certain things, but some of the general attitudes embodied all that is wrong with mental health care these days... I ended up quitting for a number of reasons, but the attitude towards our clients played a role. I must admit, I fell into the trap while there, mired in the day-to-day of it. I'm hugely ashamed of that. The clients deserved better... but I have seen the happier side of things also. I've seen staff and therapists who go the extra mile to help their clients, and I've seen the worry when their clients are struggling...

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Yeah, I do think my t trends to be the exception these days. I've found t's in private practice, and ones with a good sense of self-care are the ones more likely to genuinely care. I've worked with a fair amount of t's who were burnt-out or jaded. Actually, a former boss is the biggest reason I question a t's genuineness. We worked in a congregate care setting together and the things that were said behind closed doors made me cringe. I get the need to decompress and joke about certain things, but some of the general attitudes embodied all that is wrong with mental health care these days... I ended up quitting for a number of reasons, but the attitude towards our clients played a role. I must admit, I fell into the trap while there, mired in the day-to-day of it. I'm hugely ashamed of that. The clients deserved better... but I have seen the happier side of things also. I've seen staff and therapists who go the extra mile to help their clients, and I've seen the worry when their clients are struggling...

I know some of the insensitive things they think and say are coping strategies for them. I get that, I too fell into that trap though I always wanted people in my care to know I was there with them in that moment. Boundaries can be so blurred in a MH situation though. It's hard to secure that therapeutic relationship and respect the boundaries at the same time. My last T said that if I saw her in public that we couldn't speak until 5 years after seeing her. That was funny to me because knowing that if I see her in public you know I am going to run up to her and yell there's my therapist She had strong feelings about boundaries and made that very clear on first appointment. Kind of pushed me away. But she's no longer in the picture, even though she was the best, most understanding T, to this point