[leomama]

I was fortunate to have 3 years of DBT and have kept all the materials. One of the things I am constantly working on is emotional regulation. Recently I started paying attention to negative feelings like shame and disgust. I never knew what they were or why I felt them.

Last night I was reading Eclipse, the 3rd installment in the Twilight series and I realized why it was so difficult to read. I was disgusted with Bella because of how she treated Jacob.

If I was in her position and I knew Jacob was in love with me and I wasn't in love with him, I would definitely not keep a friendship going. That's not helping Jacob. I know she's only a senior in high school, however I would not have even done that as a teenager.

I looked up disgust in my DBT binders and some prompting events for feeling disgust are

1. Observing or hearing about a person who grovels or who strips another person of their dignity.
2. Observing or hearing about a person acting with extreme hypocrisy/fawning (which ironically is a complex ptsd defense mechanism)
3. Observing or hearing about betrayal, child abuse, racism, or other types of cruelty. (Bella didn't quite betray Jacob, but close.)
4. Being confronted with someone who is deeply violating your own Wise Mind values.

Bella strips Jacob of his dignity by maintaining a relationship with him while being in love with Edward. Bella acts like she's fawning over Jacob when she thinks she is so concerned with him.

My wise mind values are staunchly against multiple relationships and this is exactly what Bella is doing.

Has anyone else been able to use DBT in a real life way like this?

(This may be be more suited for the BPD forum just because people there are more familiar with DBT)

[PumpkinPieHead]

I have not done DBT, but this book sounds kind of triggering for you.

I would remind myself it is all fantasy and the situation was created by the author for drama and captivation.

[leomama]

It's very realistic in its portrait of relationship.

[PumpkinPieHead]

One of my favorite movies is Closer. It has Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Jude Law and I believe the 4th cast member was Clive Owen.

If you like real, real romance with grit and vulgarity, now that movie is it!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

One of my favorite movies is Closer. It has Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Jude Law and I believe the 4th cast member was Clive Owen.

If you like real, real romance with grit and vulgarity, now that movie is it!

I don't really like romance however I do like finishing books I started. I'm also reading the 2nd divergent book, shiver, shutter island, the graveyard book. Eclipse evoked strong antipathy in me.

[shezbut]

Hello leomama,

I was in DBT training for a few years as well, so I kind of know what you're referring to. (I haven't read the Twilight books, I've seen them everywhere though.)

We need to use our Wise Mind to try to understand different perspectives of the different characters in the chain that you're referring to. It isn't easy...but, try to take a step back and identify the trigger. {it's Bella} How are you being triggered? {You're against cheating & you may view Bella's behavior as being purposely conniving or sneaky with Jacob.} Now try to look a little deeper... {How do you personally identify with Jacob? This is an important clue to you, I hope that it holds your answer/s.} From there, you have something to refer to more tangibly at your next appointment with your T, hopefully.

Very best wishes and gentle hugs sent your way...

[leomama]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Hello leomama,


I was in DBT training for a few years as well, so I kind of know what you're referring to. (I haven't read the Twilight books, I've seen them everywhere though.)


We need to use our Wise Mind to try to understand different perspectives of the different characters in the chain that you're referring to. It isn't easy...but, try to take a step back and identify the trigger. {it's Bella} How are you being triggered? {You're against cheating & you may view Bella's behavior as being purposely conniving or sneaky with Jacob.} Now try to look a little deeper... {How do you personally identify with Jacob? This is an important clue to you, I hope that it holds your answer/s.} From there, you have something to refer to more tangibly at your next appointment with your T, hopefully.


Very best wishes and gentle hugs sent your way...

Thank you. Bella didn't cheat on Jacob but she is stringing him along. She should cut him loose. He's in love with her and she's in love with Edward. It makes me sick. I hate triangulation. She lies to her father too. She's dishonest and self centered.

My t would probably laugh and tell me it's just a book. She would know why I didn't like it. She'd tell me read something else.