Still Standing

I hate the New Year because it seems there's nothing to look forward to.

But...I sit here reflecting on the last year. Like some of you, this has been the worst year of my life. And as you all can relate to, that's saying something. I never thought I could get to the place I am today; if someone had tried to tell me about this long ago, there's no way I could have understood. How can you understand this emptiness and hopelessness? The feeling of being without value and invisible to world?

But...Somehow, some way, I've kept going. Yeah, maybe today at the pace of a snail. Probably tomorrow, too. But I'm standing. Empty, without hope, but standing. Somehow, all of you are, too. Each of us fighting our own special battle, standing tall before an enemy that almost no one else can see. It might not be a battle that we'll ever win, but isn't that the truest definition of courage and strength?

But...In this minute, and in every minute over the past year, every minute of my life, I have made the decision to keep going, to stand face-to-face with my enemy. Minute after minute after minute, even when I had every right to lay down and never get up again. I don't feel the strength in this; it feels weak, doesn't it? But I see all of your strength, because you're still going. You may not always feel like you're still in the fight, but I know that you are. I know that I am.

I won't tell you that I hope your pain goes away, because I don't know that it will. But at least know that someone understands. Truly understands. And I will know that same thing.

We few, we proud, we survivors.

Yes we are still standing, broken but breathing, standing outside ourselves , wondering why that is, how that happened, observing the slow motion of the world around us without sound, the slide show of memories forever running through our mind and eyes, feeling so cold to the bone it's almost paralyzing, seeing others be happy and enjoying life and remembering I knew that once...I think. So yes I understand. I wish us all better days and the strength to move towards something better.

Well said Parva. Happy 2017.

Yes I survived another year. But there has got to be more to life than just surviving. That is what I'm looking to next year.

Happy New Year to all.

thank you for this