[babkababy]

A young woman has complex trauma and she decides to get married right away because she does not want to wait and have a child within one year of marriage before she or her family knows that she has complex trauma. In the first month of marriage she begins to have rages, breaks things. In a fit of jealousy she even assaults her husband over an old girlfriend that he had no contact with. Her new husband and family are in complete shock and heartbreak at the abuse towards her new husband but being very loving and accepting of her, they talk kindly to her, knowing she had a difficult childhood and she responds by stopping her violent behavior. After the baby is born, she slips into a deeper depression, a bottomless pit. She fights more with her husband waiting for him to leave her and has difficulty taking care of herself. She is unable to hold down a job. Her husband and new family continue to support their marriage with hopes and prayers that she is able to heal in time. In the past 2 months, she has argued so much with her new husband, they thought it would be best to separate. After one night apart, some marriage counseling they remain living together. She continues to tell her husband that she is moving out. That she wants to live alone. That he deserves someone better than her. To her in laws, she tells them she has treated their son horribly and he deserves someone better than her. She says she has been believing lies all year and has been very depressed.

A counselor who specializes complex trauma, told the the family that the young mother doesn't feel worthy of her husband and new family. She is waiting for him to leave because all of her caretakers before have traumatized her. This is very heartbreaking news for her new family and they are more understanding of her angry sometimes isolating behavior.

How can her husband respond to help his wife, whom he adores, to feel safe and stable? Does he continue to reassure his wife that he loves her and will be here for her? Of course he will. How does he respond to her when she says she is looking for somewhere else to live apart from him? Any advice?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by babkababy

A young woman has complex trauma and she decides to get married right away because she does not want to wait and have a child within one year of marriage before she or her family knows that she has complex trauma. In the first month of marriage she begins to have rages, breaks things. In a fit of jealousy she even assaults her husband over an old girlfriend that he had no contact with. Her new husband and family are in complete shock and heartbreak at the abuse towards her new husband but being very loving and accepting of her, they talk kindly to her, knowing she had a difficult childhood and she responds by stopping her violent behavior. After the baby is born, she slips into a deeper depression, a bottomless pit. She fights more with her husband waiting for him to leave her and has difficulty taking care of herself. She is unable to hold down a job. Her husband and new family continue to support their marriage with hopes and prayers that she is able to heal in time. In the past 2 months, she has argued so much with her new husband, they thought it would be best to separate. After one night apart, some marriage counseling they remain living together. She continues to tell her husband that she is moving out. That she wants to live alone. That he deserves someone better than her. To her in laws, she tells them she has treated their son horribly and he deserves someone better than her. She says she has been believing lies all year and has been very depressed.

A counselor who specializes complex trauma, told the the family that the young mother doesn't feel worthy of her husband and new family. She is waiting for him to leave because all of her caretakers before have traumatized her. This is very heartbreaking news for her new family and they are more understanding of her angry sometimes isolating behavior.

How can her husband respond to help his wife, whom he adores, to feel safe and stable? Does he continue to reassure his wife that he loves her and will be here for her? Of course he will. How does he respond to her when she says she is looking for somewhere else to live apart from him? Any advice?

My advice would be to talk to the counselor about this. Ask for suggestions and options in treatment, medications that may help, couples and individual counseling, and even hospitalization if needed. This is not something an outsider should advise on, the situation seems complex and needs professional guidance. I'm sure this is a painful situation for her and her husband and that all options should be looked into for the benefit of the family unit. Best wishes to her and her new family.

[babkababy]

When offered to speak with a psychologist, who specializes in complex trauma, she has resisted. A psychologist suggested waiting until she asks for help and then send her her way. She is willing to speak with the marriage counselor, when the counselor reaches out to her. But she has no experience with complex trauma although is diligently studying about the trauma to try and help the situation.

[Open Eyes]

(((babkababy))),

The woman you are describing most definitely needs help and from what you have described is literally "terrified" of loving and being hurt. Often when someone stuggling so deeply like this has a child, they can actually get worse because the deep imprinting when it comes to loving a child is not there in her, instead that is VERY confused.

Also, some women can experience severe depression after having a child because of the extreme hormonal change. However, while that challenge can be present, it sounds like this woman has even deeper struggles as a result of neglect and possible abuse in her own childhood. What this woman needs is "therapy" but also help to understand how not to "self blame" for being so challenged and "fearful" with severe low self esteem challenges, again not her fault.

[Open Eyes]

When offered to speak with a psychologist, who specializes in complex trauma, she has resisted.

Ok, that can happen where someone can be struggling and are afraid to talk about it. Very worried about "trusting" a therapist. The important thing for this individual who is struggling is to "trust" right now, it sounds like this individual feels very frightened and vulnerable.

Also, this woman should have her estrogen levels checked to make sure she is not dealing with a major hormonal imbalance.