[jacky8807]

So my dad had a horrific childhood abused in every possible form including needing a lock on his bedroom to keep his father out in the middle of the night.
He never sought real help except for his drinking and he has been sober since I was 5 so about 30 years

What I wonder about is symptoms. Loud noises, crowded places, even a tiny bit of noise makes him lose it. Traffic makes him become a nut as well as people in his house, idk just everything makes him lose his marbles. He is a good caring guy but the older I get the more I worry that all his pent up stress is going to kill him. He's admitted to paranoia ( ongoing)and flashbacks when his parents died
Is this all reactions from his trauma?.

[reb569]

It is very possible. Has he ever been in therapy?

[jacky8807]

No and he would never consider it. When he was 2 months inpatient to quick drinking, I think he decided to let go of the past and never look back
Except the past still effects him deeply. When his dad died a year ago he was really thrown for a loop with flashbacks and confusion, sadness and anger all at once.
But he won't admit to much. Thinks he is ok, thinks he is doing better than most .he is definitely a survivor but his NON stop stress and irritability over everything is going to give him a heart attack

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

No and he would never consider it. When he was 2 months inpatient to quick drinking, I think he decided to let go of the past and never look back
Except the past still effects him deeply. When his dad died a year ago he was really thrown for a loop with flashbacks and confusion, sadness and anger all at once.
But he won't admit to much. Thinks he is ok, thinks he is doing better than most .he is definitely a survivor but his NON stop stress and irritability over everything is going to give him a heart attack

That's a hard situation to watch your parent suffer, I totally understand. Just trying to get my Dad to talk to a GP for some medication for his anxiety was off limits. If you can't get him to understand what you are seeing and that there are options out there I'm afraid there's nothing you can do until he does something to become a danger to himself or someone else. I know that's hard, but it's not your fault that he doesn't want to take that step to get to feeling better.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

No and he would never consider it. When he was 2 months inpatient to quick drinking, I think he decided to let go of the past and never look back
Except the past still effects him deeply. When his dad died a year ago he was really thrown for a loop with flashbacks and confusion, sadness and anger all at once.
But he won't admit to much. Thinks he is ok, thinks he is doing better than most .he is definitely a survivor but his NON stop stress and irritability over everything is going to give him a heart attack

My only suggestion at this point is to find ways to get him more involved in things that he likes to do that don't cause anxiety. Maybe hiking or camping or boating (weather permitting)? A concert or sporting event? Joining a gym? Something he ordinarily wouldn't do but you think he might enjoy.

Your father is grieving, but grieving over someone who abused you is very challenging. I went through this with my father, who was very abusive, when he died 11 years ago. He passed away (natural causes) on my birthday. It really crossed my mind that he had chosen to die on my birthday as a final blow, even though realistically I knew that was unlikely because he never said "Happy Birthday" to me once my whole life (nor any of my brother or sisters or my Mom either) and probably didn't realize it was my birthday. You feel relieved he's gone, then guilty for feeling that way, then a little sad, then pissed at yourself, pissed at him. Yeah, I've been there. It's a tough place to be.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

When he was 2 months inpatient to quick drinking, I think he decided to let go of the past and never look back
Except the past still effects him deeply...
But he won't admit to much. Thinks he is ok, thinks he is doing better than most .he is definitely a survivor but his NON stop stress and irritability over everything is going to give him a heart attack

He is definitely a survivor, as you say, and yet the kind or amount of help he was offered or received or accepted or whatever those many years ago was insufficient for the long haul. Being sober proves abstinence, but being sober does not treat the underlying causes of one's being irritable, restless, discontent and so on. As others have said, there is really nothing you can do at the moment other than to continue caring about and for him as best you can...and then hopefully a day might yet come when he will want to talk with someone such as myself who has been there and has been shown more solution.