[Trace14]

Sooooo I had a session with the T today. I think I'm going to start calling her the TT = Tenacious Therapist. I just sent her an email thanking her for being tenacious with me and that I didn't quiet understand why that was working with me right now, but it seems to be what I need.
Since avoidance has pretty much been a lifestyle of mine since I was very young without knowing what it was. It became a comfortable place. Now in talking with TT it seems almost everything I do is an avoiding behavior. I didn't realize that. Also that I wear my avoidance as armor, for self protection, and eventually it gets heavy and wears me down. She's right, and I know that. So the goal is to figure out how to survive in the world by slowly taking the armor off and eventually experience life without the armor. Pretty d__n scary thought for me and it would be for most people. But what she was saying made sense.
Anyone else wear their avoidance around?

[reb569]

I think I have a tendency towards avoidance.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

I think I have a tendency towards avoidance.

But when you think about it about any action could be considered an avoiding action.
Doesn't mean avoiding is a bad thing, it's a way to survive.

[reb569]

I would agree with that in many cases. I think in my case I use it to avoid making positive steps some times, or to avoid unpleasant things. It tends to raise my stress and anxiety level though too.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

I would agree with that in many cases. I think in my case I use it to avoid making positive steps some times, or to avoid unpleasant things. It tends to raise my stress and anxiety level though too.

It's hard to think about all that when you are just trying to survive.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by Trace14

It's hard to think about all that when you are just trying to survive.

That's true. Survival mode is a tough place to be.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

That's true. Survival mode is a tough place to be.

Never considered myself to be a survivor, just another kid growing up. But now looking back......definitely surviving.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

That's true. Survival mode is a tough place to be.

May explain why I was a child alcoholic, smoked cigarettes, sexually active 11-12 I think, may have been younger, left home at 16. Yep the original Survivor show.

[reb569]

I used to do shots of whatever I had at the time (and weed) before going to deflect my father's rage onto me so he'd leave my Mom alone. Started smoking at 13, drinking 14. I was drunk or stoned (or both) every day when I was 15 and 16.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

I used to do shots of whatever I had at the time (and weed) before going to deflect my father's rage onto me so he'd leave my Mom alone. Started smoking at 13, drinking 14. I was drunk or stoned (or both) every day when I was 15 and 16.

Sucks, eh. I started drinking at 10, my school bus driver would buy it for me LOL

[Trace14]

Enough of this trip down memory lane I need to try to go to bed. Good luck today. Do good!

[reb569]

Thanks!

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

Thanks!

Let us know how it went, if you care to share here or by PM.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Sucks, eh. I started drinking at 10, my school bus driver would buy it for me LOL

It's amazing how easy it used to be to get alcohol. I used to walk into the liquor store in the town I lived in and by liquor at 15 years old. I had gone in with some kids that were older a few times and he just never bothered to ask for id. Did it all the time.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by reb569

It's amazing how easy it used to be to get alcohol. I used to walk into the liquor store in the town I lived in and by liquor at 15 years old. I had gone in with some kids that were older a few times and he just never bothered to ask for id. Did it all the time.

I agree, when a 10 year old rides a minibike to the store and buys beer/wine and cigarettes it was very easy. Well it was at some stores. I knew which ones to go to.

[Trace14]

Alright back on topic I emailed my T and asked for clarification on avoidance and if I have done anything in my life that was correct and not an avoidance action. If you really think about it most anything you do could be considered an avoidance action. So if you feel like most of your life has been a avoiding something what is your life really about? Where are you suppose to be and who are you suppose to be?

[Amyjay]

I avoid a lot. I basically just go to work and go home again. I buy groceries because i need to eat. Other than that I manage to avoid most of life's nastiness.
It is a very lonely life but I don't know how to cope with more.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I avoid a lot. I basically just go to work and go home again. I buy groceries because i need to eat. Other than that I manage to avoid most of life's nastiness.
It is a very lonely life but I don't know how to cope with more.

Are you seeing a therapist? Think that might be an option to help work through this?