[Trace14]

With much dread the day is here. My Dad's birthday, almost 4 years since we celebrated our birthdays together. Then he took his life and my life changed for the worst. I can't be happy for his birthday and that bothers me...all I can feel is hurt, anger, guilt, grief, and abandonment. He wasn't perfect but he was my Dad and I still love him and miss him dearly.

[Trace14]

The chill of when that steel door slams shut and locks behind you and you know there's no key. You're in an unfamiliar place with shades of memories of death and emotion. You see faces of people, but their role in your life is unclear and the energy is not there to identify them.
Then the sound, and/or that feeling, the one with all the dark and latent meanings that pulls the mind in different directions with different messages. Don't catch the falling razor, or sharpen the running saw. Seems like common sense for most until the movie starts ...the pictures...the song.

Not always the same sound, not always the same scene but the same torturous song that only the devil can dance to, the song that makes my soul quiver with fear and robs the mind of hope.

Maybe the caged bird is not singing, but crying for help. The cracked pot eventually breaks, leaving you with shards of relief, without a purpose.

There's no escaping your shadow.
"Caught in the Quiet"

[SaharaSon]

Originally Posted by Trace14

With much dread the day is here. My Dad's birthday, almost 4 years since we celebrated our birthdays together. Then he took his life and my life changed for the worst. I can't be happy for his birthday and that bothers me...all I can feel is hurt, anger, guilt, grief, and abandonment. He wasn't perfect but he was my Dad and I still love him and miss him dearly.

Trace, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mother this week and my brother just entered a State Hospital. i'm feeling pretty alone these days. I lost my dad and my other brother long before their time. More than thirty years later I still miss my dad more than I can say. His spirit is still with me. It's like no time has passed he is in my DNA. Trace, you will see your dad again one day. Shalom.

"Tzarati lefanav agid, agid." -I will tell him of my troubles.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this.

Both of my parents are gone and my brother hasn't bothered to keep contact with me. I have my aunt and two grandmothers, but they aren't close either. Only my daughter and husband.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Trace ))))))

Take good care of yourself.

WC

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Trace ))))))))

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Trace14

The chill of when that steel door slams shut and locks behind you and you know there's no key. You're in an unfamiliar place with shades of memories of death and emotion. You see faces of people, but their role in your life is unclear and the energy is not there to identify them.
Then the sound, and/or that feeling, the one with all the dark and latent meanings that pulls the mind in different directions with different messages. Don't catch the falling razor, or sharpen the running saw. Seems like common sense for most until the movie starts ...the pictures...the song.

Not always the same sound, not always the same scene but the same torturous song that only the devil can dance to, the song that makes my soul quiver with fear and robs the mind of hope.

Maybe the caged bird is not singing, but crying for help. The cracked pot eventually breaks, leaving you with shards of relief, without a purpose.

There's no escaping your shadow.
"Caught in the Quiet"

Shame of Just
If it were just that easy to get over the fear.
If it were just that easy to get over the hurt.
If it were just that easy to get over the pain.
If it were just that easy to get over the shame.
It's JUST memories.

[Trace14]

Actually the whole month of June is emotional drain. Dad' BD, my BD which we always did together, plus Father's Day and the constant ads of this day. Seems even harder this year for some reason.

[AmandaBroken]

I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry for your lost. I understand this loss deeply myself. For me, it's Thanksgiving Day...

I offer you a gentle and a soft embrace of love.

If you want to talk I will be here...

Amanda

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by AmandaBroken

I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry for your lost. I understand this loss deeply myself. For me, it's Thanksgiving Day...

I offer you a gentle and a soft embrace of love.

If you want to talk I will be here...

Amanda

Thanks I appreciate that. Noticed on your Avatar you are a Professor of Psychology, at 21 years old? That's pretty amazing. Getting a Masters in counseling and history? You must be a very smart young lady. Congrats on your accomplishments.