[Open Eyes]

I thought this article might give some insight to some that struggle. Sometimes, when one's own challenges get so confusing some parts of the overall picture has not been recognized as it should be. I think this is especially true when a person had/has an alcoholic parent that they never achieved the closeness with in a normal way.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narci...m_source=Psych

The affects this can have on someone can vary, however, often one may deeply desire the "control" they did not have in their childhood. How that can manifest into some unhealthy thoughts/behaviors/challenges. Some of these are listed in this article:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...el-in-control/

Some of the questions about "why do I" that can present with complex PTSD can come from things one may not really realize that is not their fault but how that person had to adapt to their childhood environment.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I thought this article might give some insight to some that struggle. Sometimes, when one's own challenges get so confusing some parts of the overall picture has not been recognized as it should be. I think this is especially true when a person had/has an alcoholic parent that they never achieved the closeness with in a normal way.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/narci...m_source=Psych

The affects this can have on someone can vary, however, often one may deeply desire the "control" they did not have in their childhood. How that can manifest into some unhealthy thoughts/behaviors/challenges. Some of these are listed in this article:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...el-in-control/

Some of the questions about "why do I" that can present with complex PTSD can come from things one may not really realize that is not their fault but how that person had to adapt to their childhood environment.

As you know my Dad was an alcoholic, but usually he wouldn't drink at the house because mom was so against it. But after his father died in an accident at our house that is when he started drinking at home. But where he drank was not the issue really it was the violent that came out when he drank was the problem.

[carrie_ann]

my parents weren't alcoholics but my main caregiver after my mom died was. it was only recently that i realized i'd learned one thing from her without realizing it ... when the sugar hits the fan, drink ... but that doesn't mean i can use that as an excuse, just saying it's a connection i'd never thought about until recently.

[RubyRae]

My Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom was a prescription drug addict.

I could relate to the ways of trying to feel in control.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by carrie_ann

my parents weren't alcoholics but my main caregiver after my mom died was. it was only recently that i realized i'd learned one thing from her without realizing it ... when the sugar hits the fan, drink ... but that doesn't mean i can use that as an excuse, just saying it's a connection i'd never thought about until recently.

It would be easy to see that as an escape when you see important people in your life using it for just that. I'm guilty and started drinking when I was 10, got to be a problem in high school and in the Air Force. I slowed down a lot after that and I do not drink now, but could very easily fall back into that way of thinking.

[Unrigged64072835]

My mother was an alcoholic and my father was abusive in many ways. Control was a big deal. A lot of my young life was out of control. I became a perfectionist which served me well in the military, but a disaster in my personal life.

I also see it in my daughter, to the point where she won't take anything that is sedating. We have to coach her hard for when she had to go under anesthesia.

[Open Eyes]

The problem is not just "when they drink" either because using alcohol takes away from the stability overall.

Some get down right "mean" when they drink, some get down right mean when they are not drinking or are sober. Either way, often the individual is self absorbed in the addiction of drinking itself which means the child doesn't experience a normal upbringing.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

The problem is not just "when they drink" either because using alcohol takes away from the stability overall.

Some get down right "mean" when they drink, some get down right mean when they are not drinking or are sober. Either way, often the individual is self absorbed in the addiction of drinking itself which means the child doesn't experience a normal upbringing.

I don't know if I agree with that completely. I think it depends on how much they drink and their level of functioning afterwards. My dad took me fishing and boating, and hunting and he was drinking but he wasn't drunk and very focused on me at that time. Most alcoholics it takes a lot to get them drunk and they can function well on the amount of alcohol that would put me on the floor. So I don't think this applies to everyone that is an alcoholic. Just my opinion though.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, I understand Trace, alcoholics can build up a tolerance and seem to function normally while under the influence. But, often what happens is these individuals use the alcohol in the beginning to "avoid" feeling and to help them be less inhibited. So, instead of actually growing and maturing into an adult that works through emotional challenges, they tend to only reach the maturity level of the age they began to use the alcohol.

My daughter would say to me, "Daddy was always so happy go lucky, it was you mom that tended to be more stressful". What she doesn't realize is that I did not really have another ADULT partner in my marriage, instead I often had a husband that was a child who turned to alcohol when things got challenging. Children tend to embrace the "child part" they see in the parent, they don't actually see how the true ADULT part is missing which is much harder on the other parent.

[0ryxCr4ke]

I thought the article comparing alcoholics with narcissists was interesting. Anyone with alcoholic parents wind up repeatedly dating narcissists, or is it just me? I think it's easy to see why, especially when the similarities are so clearly outlined as in this article. Thanks for sharing!

[Open Eyes]

That's what I thought about too Oryx, I think that one can unknowingly end up with other life partners with strong narcissistic tendencies because it's familiar not realizing how dysfunctional it can end up being.

[charcamp]

Hello,

Yes, the article definitely hit the nail on the head, so to speak. I'm in my forties and for the most part has lived a good life. However, when I was growing up and late into my teens Mom was a heavy drinker. It stripped me of my childhood because I had to care for myself and younger sister, real adult responsibilities. There are times even now when my mom and I are good, but then I find myself pulling away from her because the resentment resurfaces.