[Trace14]

Do you ever feel like your memories keep you from speaking? A memory is so over whelming your mouth can not move to say anything?

[LostOnTheTrail]

I frequently feel this way, to the point that R has suggested adding art therapy to our sessions, so that I at least have a way to communicate when I am without words. However, I feel that speaking the memories is the only way I am ever going to be able to be free of them.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I frequently feel this way, to the point that R has suggested adding art therapy to our sessions, so that I at least have a way to communicate when I am without words. However, I feel that speaking the memories is the only way I am ever going to be able to be free of them.

Have you tried any other ways of expressing the memories? Like writing? Then taking it to therapy? Yes, we have to work through them however is right for us. Thanks for responding back.

[Trace14]

I never saw the benefit of journaling until I got further into therapy. But actually writing it out, at my own pace, for my own eyes, seemed to help. Because if I didn't finish the memory for some reason, then I had to re-read what I wrote to get back on track. Kind of my own Prolonged exposure therapy.
Going into therapy, just walking in that room is triggering for me. It's like being put into a bubble, watching the session going on, hearing the words, but I can't speak. So a conversation goes on in my head about what is being said.

[alaralyn245]

This has been my biggest problem in therapy, and in life actually. My therapist has suggested/wondered many times if some of the things that happened were before I had developed much speech and so that reverting back to those traumas sort of makes it hard to have words. This is also partially because while writing is easier/better for me, I struggle with words.

We use email a lot, or I bring in things I've written. But I also relate to just going in there can be triggering. I've been seeing this therapist for three years as of this month and I finally feel like this summer was the most I've consistently been able to *talk*, though that has also been accompanied by horrible panic attacks in session.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by alaralyn245

This has been my biggest problem in therapy, and in life actually. My therapist has suggested/wondered many times if some of the things that happened were before I had developed much speech and so that reverting back to those traumas sort of makes it hard to have words. This is also partially because while writing is easier/better for me, I struggle with words.

We use email a lot, or I bring in things I've written. But I also relate to just going in there can be triggering. I've been seeing this therapist for three years as of this month and I finally feel like this summer was the most I've consistently been able to *talk*, though that has also been accompanied by horrible panic attacks in session.

Sounds like you are making progress though and that;s huge. Keep up the work.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Do you ever feel like your memories keep you from speaking? A memory is so over whelming your mouth can not move to say anything?

YES!! I have memories that come forward where I cannot talk. I have had flashbacks both visual and emotional where, when I have them I slur my words and can't talk.

I have had conversations with my husband and he gets and attitude and then I can be talking to him "now and past" and I begin to slur my words. It's like I am talking to him now, but in the past when he was being mean or drunk. Also, my husband has a tendency to interrupt me and talk over me or turn things around when he doesn't want to admit he is wrong but chooses to focus on my faults instead, "he deflects", which is something of a habit for him from when he was an active alcoholic for the first ten years of our marriage. He can at times have "dry drunk" behaviors.

Also, what I have come to realize is that sometimes with my husbands need to interrupt and talk over me I can experience early flashbacks where my father never let me finish a sentence because he was constantly correcting my english. That is not something one should do with a child that is slowly learning to talk and communicate. The child has to form that connection "first" and THEN gradually gain more language skills.

The other thing my therapist explained to me, and I have also read is that our brain stores memories in different areas of the brain, some things get stored in parts of the brain where there is no language.

The other thing is that when someone is recalling something that traumatized or shocked them, fight, flight, freeze" the hipocampus slows down almost shuts down and things get stored in the amygdala. So, that memory tends to be fragmented.

One of the things I tend to do is "repeat", to someone else it sounds like all I am doing is repeating, but what I am really doing is adding an additional piece to that memory/flashback that I had not noticed before because of how that experience was fragmented because it shocked or traumatized me in some way.

[Open Eyes]

My therapist has suggested/wondered many times if some of the things that happened were before I had developed much speech and so that reverting back to those traumas sort of makes it hard to have words.

Yes, this can very much be what you are experience I have had this challenge myself because of the trauma going on around me when I had very little language skills to communicate.

[Trace14]

Just browsing through the PTSD forum and read a thread that mentioned Selective Mutism in stressful therapy situations. Will have to look into this a little more, maybe there are some answers to this problem.

[MtnTime2896]

When a trauma is too great (especially seen in early childhood development), it is common to suffer from Selective Mutism.

If you think about it, it really does make a lot of sense. There are some horrors that words cannot adequately describe. Verbalizing trauma is often difficult when you could not speak during the trauma, especially if you had no concrete understanding of what had taken place. Selective Mutism is often seen in severe anxiety and going over traumatic experiences causes an immeasurable amount of anxiousness, understandably so.

I've suffered from a few brief periods of this myself while in therapy sessions and have a friend who cannot speak unless he's alone with me.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

When a trauma is too great (especially seen in early childhood development), it is common to suffer from Selective Mutism.

If you think about it, it really does make a lot of sense. There are some horrors that words cannot adequately describe. Verbalizing trauma is often difficult when you could not speak during the trauma, especially if you had no concrete understanding of what had taken place. Selective Mutism is often seen in severe anxiety and going over traumatic experiences causes an immeasurable amount of anxiousness, understandably so.

I've suffered from a few brief periods of this myself while in therapy sessions and have a friend who cannot speak unless he's alone with me.

Thanks for the input on this. I was hoping someone with experience would chime in It does make sense just never knew it had a name.

[koru_kiwi]

those who are familiar with Bessel van der Kolk and the trauma work he has contributed to, he talks about an area located in the lower back of the prefrontal cortex called Broca's area which is responsible for language processing. researchers have found that when the amygdala and other areas of the trauma system are triggered, during the trigger or flashback, the Broca's area essentially goes 'offline', limiting the triggered person's ability to verbally talk about the experince.

this was very validating for me to learn about, because for a long time i use to always struggle with talking about my trauma in therapy, especially when triggered or dissociated, and i felt bad about it because i could sense my Ts frustration many times when i was unable to speak and share what i was experiencing. i do wonder how many Ts are not fully aware of this phenomenon and end up causing unintentional harm due to not understanding what is really going on in the moment at a neurological level.

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you for posting that koru-kiwi. It is helpful having understanding of what might be going on in the brain at such times and not just feeling difficult.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

those who are familiar with Bessel van der Kolk and the trauma work he has contributed to, he talks about an area located in the lower back of the prefrontal cortex called Broca's area which is responsible for language processing. researchers have found that when the amygdala and other areas of the trauma system are triggered, during the trigger or flashback, the Broca's area essentially goes 'offline', limiting the triggered person's ability to verbally talk about the experince.

this was very validating for me to learn about, because for a long time i use to always struggle with talking about my trauma in therapy, especially when triggered or dissociated, and i felt bad about it because i could sense my Ts frustration many times when i was unable to speak and share what i was experiencing. i do wonder how many Ts are not fully aware of this phenomenon and end up causing unintentional harm due to not understanding what is really going on in the moment at a neurological level.

That was a good response, thank you. Certainly makes sense. I wish the T's would explain things like this so you wouldn't drive yourself crazier wondering if you were crazier than you thought. May open a door between us.