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  #1  
Old Nov 19, 2017, 01:42 PM
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mythrider mythrider is offline
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Location: Maryland
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I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life. I am chronically ill with a syndrome that almost killed me when I was born (22q11.2). I have medical trauma from 21 surgeries and spending years in the hospital etc. I later was prone to bullies and they threatened my life in high school. I lost my only friend in school (he died at 15) and got bullied so bad my parents pulled me out of school. In college, I dated a guy for a year. He raped me daily for a year and I have severe trauma from him trying to kill me multiple times (he was nuts and I think he’s a serial killer but there’s nothing I can do - I did get away).

While recovering from rape, I learned that I have childhood trauma. My mother is severely emotionally abusive and I’m like 99% sure she has bipolar and rage - her primary care doctor thinks so too. I suffer from her abuse. I haven’t talked to her in three weeks because she almost ruined my marriage (long story). I want her to get help, but she’s the type of person that helps everyone but herself and is very manipulative about it. Because I am her daughter, she basically owns me. I am trying to break away, but it is hard. I need to get away from trauma, but it keeps coming to me. November is my anniversary month (technically it’s this week my abuser tried to kill me and my best friend died - ironically happened on the same day 7 years apart).

So I’m in anniversary mode (hyper alert?) and I’m still going through this stuff while uncovering stuff. It’s just really hard to talk about. I have trouble going into detail because anyone who knows my mother won’t believe me because she’s like an “angel” except at home. Though her boss did tell her she needed anger management classes or they’d fire her so she got mad and quit. She’s basically a ticking time bomb that’s going to explode.

I just need to get away. I probably need a service dog because of my ptsd. Work keeps me busy, but I work for family so it’s hard. I need a new job but I’m scared of change.

I’m getting a dog soon because animals help me so much. I have this connection with them. My husband says I can get a trained attack dog to sit in my lap. I pick up my Beau in 2 weeks!

I just need to get away from this town, but I’m scared. I’m scared of change. I thought trauma was over but it’s not...

Hugs/tips/anyone understand/been through this?
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, katydid777, pegasus, Persephone518, RubyRae, seeker33, Skeezyks

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  #2  
Old Nov 20, 2017, 02:39 AM
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reb569 reb569 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Central New York
Posts: 1,229
I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I can relate to a lot that you've written here. My way of escape at 19 years old was to join the Air Force. But there are other ways.

You mention that you want your Mom to get help, but I wonder, have you reached out for help yourself? Have you seen a therapist? I waited until I was 53 years old to seek therapy and I wish I had started sooner.
__________________
"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
Hugs from:
katydid777, mythrider
Thanks for this!
mythrider
  #3  
Old Nov 20, 2017, 09:27 AM
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mythrider mythrider is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Maryland
Posts: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by reb569 View Post
I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I can relate to a lot that you've written here. My way of escape at 19 years old was to join the Air Force. But there are other ways.

You mention that you want your Mom to get help, but I wonder, have you reached out for help yourself? Have you seen a therapist? I waited until I was 53 years old to seek therapy and I wish I had started sooner.
I get help. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly. I’m on meds for anxiety (cymbalta) which helps. I’m trying to care for myself. My husband says I need therapy twice a week. I don’t really have time and neither does my therapist. I am getting a dog who is very smart. I want him to be my emotional support animal. He was a champion show dog. I have this odd connection with animals and they make everything better.
Hugs from:
katydid777
  #4  
Old Nov 21, 2017, 03:00 AM
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reb569 reb569 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Central New York
Posts: 1,229
I'm glad you are getting help. That's great and pets are an awesome source of comfort. I have two cats and two dogs who follow me around all over the place when I'm home!

I suspect your Mom isn't going to get help until she wants to, so I think it would be best to concentrate on your own well being and working towards what you want to do.
__________________
"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)

"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
Hugs from:
katydid777, mythrider
  #5  
Old Nov 21, 2017, 03:35 AM
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mythrider mythrider is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Maryland
Posts: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by reb569 View Post
I'm glad you are getting help. That's great and pets are an awesome source of comfort. I have two cats and two dogs who follow me around all over the place when I'm home!

I suspect your Mom isn't going to get help until she wants to, so I think it would be best to concentrate on your own well being and working towards what you want to do.
I talked to my psychiatrist. He used to see my aunt who was severely bipolar. He thinks my mom could’ve easily developed some mood disorder after menopause (most likely bipolar but he can’t diagnose her without seeing her). He knows my family which I respect him. She won’t get help - she helps everyone else but herself. I pray one day she will. I guess I have to set boundaries but she won’t let me. So if she won’t let me set boundaries, I guess that means I shouldn’t talk to her. I’m glad you get help and have your pets
Hugs from:
katydid777, RubyRae
Thanks for this!
reb569
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