Beyond complex and need some guidance

I have a family member who has had a rough 5 years and I feel helpless because I domt know where to start. Hes about 30 now and 6 years ago he suffered a TBI that cause some lingering issues. He dealt with that woth medications and therapy and still womt really factor it into todays situation.. It seems to me like he sees it as an excuse?

At the time of the tbi, hos daighter was 1 and he was recently promoted and doing well. He was again promoted in 2014 and a busy person and very axtive father and then things turned relentless. Before he was promoted in 2014 , he came out and said that he and his fiance were splitting up and was very upset. Turms out they hadnt been sleeoing in the same room since the baby was born and he bacame very worried that they were portrayomg a bad image the little girl. He just said that it wasnt right to "show" his daighter that basically Moms and Dads that dont sleep in the same room, touch or spemd time together.

He was what I thought was "too scared" that she would grow up with a bad depictiom of love and family and that she would have learned by experiemce that this is love and marriage. So they arranged the living situation and made things work as best they could a couple months later, he started dating and I never saw his new friend before he headed off for a trip to see his friemd - it was my nephews birthday and he wemt to visit his best friend.

When he returned , his daughter and her mother had gone back to visit her mothet in her home state and after 2 weeks, he was served paperwork that she was filing for custody in her home state. The next 4 months, she would t allow him to see his daughter and rarely let them talk. What she did caused a mountaim for him with work and having to fight all this.

Over the next year he won full custody and is an amazing dad that is another level of close to his daughter. Over the nezt 2 years, she took him back to court to argue custody 3 times and he was a wreck every time and almost frightemed at times that Id never seen out of him. After the 3rd time the court ruled for her to stay with her Dad, his therapist preaceibed him a steong medication called zanex stating that he believa he has ptsd. His dayghter visitied her mom 2 months later and after she ledt, he jist lost it.

He got a dui for the zanex and lost his job. The mother had filed for another hearing before the dui occurred. He represented himself and was honest ans submitted drug tests but ultimately the judge gave joint custody and his daughter went to live with her mom. Its been 6 months that shes been gone and the only thing he does routinely is call his duagter before achool and before bed.

Meanwhile he isnt working, lost his insurance and lost his savings and is living with me. He is a smart man and he seems lost and broken but trying to digure out how to cope and understand. We have a small family and wr are close and I recemtly learned that his grandmother and aunt showed up to the original court proceedings and sat with the mother and hadmt spoken to him simce the mother kidnapped the duaghter

I have felt that he wasnt trying until I asked him amd he gave me a notebook that detailed what happened from his perspective. It was heart breaking and I lve warxhed him try to get back to being himself for 7 months and he is confused and hurt and has no friends that call him or come see him. He hasnt made a huge edfort to see people but just a year ago, he was like the mayor and then overnight he was a liner. He didnt grow up here and his mind is 10p percent focused on moving to where his daughter is.

Im worried that he could be in real trouble if he leave s without starting to get help. Hes trying to do it himself and I have no Idea what to tell him. I would really appreciate some guidance on how to stsrt helpimg him. He doesnt trust psychiatrists and said to me that psychology is so itnerestimg but in the end he trieds to study it hims3lf and is exercising and meditating quite a bit

Can someone please point me in a direction. He is a great dad , smart man and anymore it just looks like he isnt himself and he is confused how that happened and honestly looks mortified sometimes. I think he feels abandoned and ashamed and like he failed his daughter and blames himself too harshly, I think.

Please help me help him or help me by givimg me some advice to relay to him. If you have amy thoughts please email me and if you are a psychologist and want more backstory on him, hes had a life that deserves a little help when hes down. Thank you in advance if you decide to help me .

Hello Brian: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm not a mental health professional. Most of us here are not. Our purpose here is to provide one another with support & to share experiences & information. (Actually, from that perspective, one thing that might be helpful would be for your family member to come here to PC.)

Beyond that what really needs to happen here, from my perspective at least, is for your family member to seek the services of a mental health therapist & perhaps a psychiatrist if it becomes apparent he needs antidepressant medication. However, realistically, there's no way for you to get him to pursue this if he chooses not to. Plus, even if you could, unless your family member is invested in the process, it's unlikely to do any good.

Having written that... here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest on the subject of helping someone who is depressed as well as someone who cannot, or will not, help themselves. Perhaps some of the information in these articles can be of some assistance:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-can...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...essional-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...sed-loved-one/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...one-in-denial/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-thin...hos-depressed/

Also there is a book that came highly recommended in one of PsychCentral's "Ask The Therapist" columns. It is titled: I'm Not Sick, I Don't Need Help . Here's a link to a review of the book on the Friends For Mental Health website:

A review of "I'm not sick, I don't need help!" - Friends for Mental Health

There is one other potential resource I'm aware of that I will offer you. There is a YouTuber named Douglas Bloch. He is an author, a depression counselor & survivor who uploads videos on his own YouTube channel. (He also has his own website & offers on-line counseling in the area of depression.) Watching some of Douglas' videos might be of some interest to both you & your family member. Plus, if your family member finds what Douglas does to be of benefit, perhaps your family member might be interested in looking into the counseling services Douglas offers. Here's a link to Douglas' YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/healingdepression

And here's a link to Douglas' website:

Healing From Depression, Overcoming Anxiety, Self-help Books, Mental Illness, Portland, Oregon Depression Support Groups

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Hello Brian!

Welcome to PC.

Thanks for being a great friend to your buddy!
It sounds like he has been through a lot.

We can't diagnose. Your buddy would have to see a qualified mental health professional for diagnosis.

It certainly sounds like your friend is very withdrawn. I agree with Skeezyks, he may benefit from evaluation and treatment of both PTSD and depression. He has suffered a huge loss in not being able to see his daughter as often. I am sure he is grieving and probably also very angry underneath it all.

I suggest you continue to encourage your buddy to get some professional help. In the meantime, please do check out the resources given to you by Skeezyks. Skeezyks did an amazing job of citing resources for you and for your buddy.

You might also suggest your friend visit here. He may find support with his PTSD, his grief, his anxiety, his depression.

I understand your need for support, too. PC has a "caregivers" forum which may be of some additional help for you? It sounds like you are caring for your friend?

Please feel free to ask more questions, etc. We will try to support you as you try to support your friend.

Everyone would be lucky to have a friend like you!

Please remember to also take care of yourself.


WC