[MuddyBoots]

Anybody else cannot for the life of them hug someone else? Or at least not without either externally or internally freaking out?

Sex? Sure. Hugs? No.

(Technically I'm dx'd with BPD but 'tis very much developed from trauma so kinda similar I guess, and I feel like this Q would be more appropriate here. Just as a disclaimer in case anyone gets pissed.)

[cptsdvictim]

We're (in the West) so conditioned in that being sexually active is what gives one worth (yes, and, just to be clear, I'm not demonizing sex - it's still an important part of our well being, when done in a healthy manner). And for good reason, it's because of a society (where 80% of us have an insecure type of attachment) that promotes short term pleasure (so instant gratification: feel good chemicals our brain releases through and into our bodies) than authenticity and human connection. It's a symptom of a society that doesn't know how to deal with trauma. And, because of it, there are many whom dislike getting hugs, despite their likeness for physical affection. Not to say there aren't people whom hugs aren't their love language, but for those whom their love language is PA, due to trauma, they now dislike it.

[unaluna]

For me, it's really about who. A hug may brings into focus what exactly the relationship is, and if it is querulous, undefined, unreciprocated, with hidden agendas, secrets and lies - how can the hug not radiate all that?

Whereas sex is like a handshake - the original use of which was to prove you held no weapons, so therefore proximity was safe. No such guarantee in a hug.