[NuckingFutz]

I did not have healthy anger modeled in my house,so I have begun journaling and anger therapy. There are still times when old anger comes up in a flood though. Just recently since it's a new fall season, a new Jewish year for me, and the beginning of football season. I am not a big sports fan and I am tolerant. Football reminds me that the news will only be 10 minutes long followed by 20 minutes of football. My ex loved football. Once when the Longhorns won the championships my ex cried real tears in my arms. I just don't get it. I thought it was a game. I thought it would be entertaining and fun. Another time I went to worship service with ex and family and I looked at that statue up front withthat guy with blood all over and I cried and my ex had to take me back to the water fountain and grill me over why I was crying. I felt bad for crying but that statue was sad. My ex and I just couldn't understand eachothers feelings, near the end, we gave up. Do not want it to happen again. What to look for?

[Perna]

There's a difference between understanding and accepting. My husband doesn't understand a lot of my feelings but he accepts them; they're there, they're me, and he's okay with that. I don't have to make "sense" to him (although I'm trying to get him to understand that because he doesn't understand doesn't mean I don't make "sense" :-)

Practice a lot of shrugging and head shaking? If you don't understand something but it's not about you, shrug? Some people over identify with football teams, some with cars, some with animals, etc. My husband bought our TV way back to coincide with the Olympics; I could care. I watch NCIS on Tuesday nights and he watches Dog the Bounty Hunter on Wednesday and neither of us likes the other person's shows. We have a small house with only one "sitting" area so the other person goes upstairs to the bedroom and reads when our partner's shows are on.

That's a good option when one is getting annoyed or angry because of what another person is doing. Leave. Yes, often we are in our own space and shouldn't "have to" leave but using Time (it will pass and things will shift/change) is a very good, inexpensive method for dealing with any immediate emotional problem. May be temporary but gives space for us to work with ourselves so we can deal with whatever in some other, better way in the future.

[madisgram]

nf, sometimes i feel that anger and crying come from very deep seated feelings we have stuffed down and hid from ourselves. then something triggers those emotions and we feel angry, sad or both.
for me, i need to look at those deep seated feelings...it's scary sometimes..and face them. glad you have a T, they can often times help us do this in a safe environ. journaling helps me too cause i can go back and review what i wrote and often times see the triggers to identify why i'm upset or angry.
as for your ex i believe his tears were of joy...sports can bring out our emotions just like anything else. i think he was just happy.
the worship service...for many of us that stature can tap into our emotions. it's symbolic of a promise of everlasting life, justme. for you it triggered a sad emotion. different from some of of us but it showed you have compassion.
i hope this helps. i'm glad you are looking at why you feel angry or sad. i've been told anger is a secondary emotion brought on by fear, a primary emotion. that has helped me to dig deeper to see what i'm fearful of.

[sugahorse1]

Seeing T this afternoon and know my anger is something I need to address - I don't know why, but I am assuming I have never learnt appropriate coping mechanisms - and those that are acceptable in public

[NuckingFutz]

Think I am getting that even healthy anger is hard because it is intense no matter what. Also as I worked through it found some things make us angrier than others. Like if someone asks us to change our spiritual beliefs, that can trigger anger. Not going in to that here because of the guidelines. I am sure that I have gond through the hardest part of the anger as I went through what caused it. Thought I was thinking like a bigot but found I wasn't. I was reacting to some bigotry going on. At the time, I didn't realize it was bigotry. Glad I had an opportunity to work through this though. I did not hurt anyone including myself or anyone else in the process though and that shows real growth! Thanks for reading and sharing.

Anger in my life to some degree has been in over-abundance. Congratulations on the work you have done, NF.

[NuckingFutz]

Thanks. Wasn't easy to do. Still sometimes the memories come up, but I just deal with them as they come up.

http://www.uthealthleader.org/archiv...ness-0131.html