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#1
Nov 04, 2010, 06:14 AM
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Posting this here because has a lot to do with my emotions and how i react to things.
Was good session with my T  after about half hour of me just babbling and getting through the "i am happy" when i really don't feel it.. through to the crying and then the chat about self worth... hmm emotions high and low.. So we got to the nitty gritty.. still that I blame myself for everything that has gone wrong.. did some role play on that and ok so I know that I wasn't the cause for any relationship break down... but have to get my head to agree with that rational statement. One thing that did surface is that I have a negative learnt behaviour - my mother blames herself for everything that has gone wrong.. from my father dying of cancer (she should have stopped him smoking) to the fact that my brother and myself have emotional issues (she should have done something different... I have no idea what!).. so I have learnt to" hit myself over the head with a big stick" everytime something goes wrong and place the entire blame and fault squarely on my shoulders.. Okay so now we have a 'cause' and now I have to unlearn the behaviour.. so emotionally I am a wreck that needs to learn that I am worthy and that I am not the cause of the negatives I have in my life.. that the realtionship breakdowns are NOT through any fault of my own. Breaking the pattern is going to be oh so hard. How to become an emotionally stable person with self worth.... well firstly have to put the big stick down 
__________________
 How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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#2
Nov 04, 2010, 11:19 AM
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oh belle you had a good session!!! u're right it isn't easy but it can be done. i still have triggers but my rational thoughts lessen the intensity of negative emotions.
keep us posted! you won't regret this "journey". 
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
 Belle1979
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#3
Nov 04, 2010, 02:41 PM
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Oh my goodness reading what you have written is vertually what I was told today first visit to a T. Went in feeling dreadful and came out feeling like a weight had lifted off me. Don't know how i will wake up feeling tomorrow but am thankful for the stillness inside me at the moment.
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#4
Nov 04, 2010, 07:06 PM
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I think I always knew where I got the negatives from.. but well I am and wont blame my mother for being what she is and who she is (which is a wonderfully supportive person!).
Probably the reason this hasn't come up before is that I don't want to place balme or talk badly about anyone. Lilleth.. you need to put the big stick down too LOL it takes time. I have been trying to learn that I am a worthy lovable person for nearly a year and it has it's ups and downs.
__________________
How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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