[shelterdog71]

I decided I'm going to start keeping a Mood Diary to figure out what is going on with my emotions. Has anyone else tried this and did it help? I'm a 40 year old single woman and my mood swings and emotion changes are out of control and starting to scare me. Yesterday I had the day off work so you'd think I would be happy right? Wrong... I woke up angry and it got worse and worse all morning. I was angry for no reason... yelling at the dogs, throwing things, punching doors, etc. I went out to run some errands and was driving like a maniac, screaming and swearing and giving people the finger. I was horribly impatient and nobody could drive fast enough to satisfy me. I was screaming "I wish I was dead! Why does my life have to be like this every day?" and literally foaming at the mouth and hyperventilating.

I HATE when I feel like this. I know what I'm doing, I know it's wrong, and I know it's completely ridiculous and unreasonable. I do know that I would NEVER harm anyone I love or hurt my dogs. But to see me angry, you'd think I was crazy and should be shot with a tazer and wrapped up in a straitjacket. I've actually gotten out of the car and gone after people for 'road rage' type things.. they were men and when they realized I was a large angry woman they freaked out and took off! I've been told by a few people that I am "terrifying" when I'm angry and they are scared to be near me. They know I would never hurt them though...

So after the wave of anger is over, I actually feel it lift off of me... almost as if I could see it. I'm washed out and exhausted afterwards, but all the tension has released from my body. Then I get terribly sad and depressed, and feel ridiculous for the way I was just acting. I actually apologized to my dogs yesterday... I gave them lots of love and said "Sorry mommy was so mean!" My dogs are my life and are like my children. I don't know what I would do without them.

So anyway, I need to know if these horrible "anger days" are random or if there is some sort of pattern. I'm about to turn 40 and am concerned I might be starting early menopause or something. Is it terrible PMS? Or is it some sort of chemical imbalance? I already take Xanax and that helps control the anger, but I wonder if I need antidepressants too.

I have always dealt with obesity, depression, and self esteem issues since I was a child.. However on top of that, I have had an extreme amount of stress for the past 4 years. That seems to be when this horrible anger started getting really bad. My parents had life threatening illnesses where we spent weeks in hospitals, I had major surgery, lost my job, started a new job I HATE, quit smoking, had some other minor health issues, and broke up with my fiancee after living together for 5 years. Now I'm lonely, have no friends or social life of any kind, struggling financially, and my job is making me even more miserable. I started having horrible panic attacks after all of this and my doctor put me on low dose Xanax... I've never had another panic attack. But I'm still very nervous and neurotic, constantly worry, bite my nails, shake my leg, pace, etc. Mostly for no reason at all...

What concerns me the most is that one minute I'll be having an anger tantrum, then the next minute I'm laughing hysterically at a funny picture on the internet or something on TV. Then there's days where I'm so depressed I will literally just stare at the walls for an hour and cry.

I'm hoping that after a month or two of logging my emotions that I can find some sort of pattern and figure out this mess.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I know the feeling. When I wake up like that or even CLOSE to that, I turn over and put my face in the pillow and SCREAM bloody murder and kick my feet in the bed and just let it rip. I have kind of a temper tantrum -- it releases a lot of anger and no one can hear me. LOL I might have to do that a couple of times -- go in my room and plop on the bed into my pillow. lol It's really effective!

Of course when you're driving, you can't do that -- unless you want to carry a pillow with you and pull over on the street and let 'er rip! LOL Just hope a cop doesn't show up.

All kidding aside, you could be heading for early menopause -- maybe you could ask your doc to run an estrogen count?

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I don''t get that way as MUCH as I did a couple of years ago -- but it sure works when I DO get mad. Take care of yourself and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

used to keep a mood diary. it helped me cuz my moods came with "cause and affect". that may not be your case, idk. what i found was if something happened and a bad mood followed i'd write it down..like reflect back to what occured before my mood changed. journaling helped me too. my T suggested i reread what i wrote about my day then underline words that described how i felt. it really helped cause i could see what triggered the change in mood. also found that certain times of the day had a correlation with my mood.
and yeah i'd have your doc check your estrogen levels. when my mother went thru menopause it was no laughing matter... she had a difficult time of it.

[ladyjrnlist]

Your story sounds so much like mine. I do a mood diary and also note what happened during that day. But, I don't do it routinely. I'm not big on journaling myself. I hate it, really.

[ButterfliPrincess11]

This seems like a really good idea. Could yall tell me exactly how to do one? This might help me understand what's going on with me.

[shelterdog71]

I use Yahoo email and there is a nice Calendar feature. Every day I add a new event and entitle it "Mood Diary - Angry" (or whatever the main emotion was for that day). Then at a glance I can look at it and try to determine a pattern. It's quick and easy and I can make a few notes in there about why I felt that way (fought with mom, bad day at work, etc). I've only been doing it for a few weeks so I haven't seen a pattern yet... but I've been doing it pretty diligently. I'm in front of a computer for 12+ hours a day so it's pretty convenient for me. I suppose you could really use any calendar type program for this!

[lavieenrose]

Thanks shelterdog for sharing what's happening in your life. I'm 55, single, and my dog is my "significant other". My moods have gotten very intense since menopause 4 years ago. I've had depression and anxiety all my life, but this is the worst yet. My estrogen level is a 5, pretty low. I haven't felt good enough to do a mood diary. It would be a flat line if I charted it. Certain triggers make it spike. Today, just spending money on groceries, seeing couples everywhere, etc. There is a "daily mood" tool here at PC. You can see the link toward the top of every page. It creates a graph, and you can add notes to each day's entry. Anyway, thanks for your post.

Originally Posted by shelterdog71

I use Yahoo email and there is a nice Calendar feature. Every day I add a new event and entitle it "Mood Diary - Angry" (or whatever the main emotion was for that day). Then at a glance I can look at it and try to determine a pattern. It's quick and easy and I can make a few notes in there about why I felt that way (fought with mom, bad day at work, etc). I've only been doing it for a few weeks so I haven't seen a pattern yet... but I've been doing it pretty diligently. I'm in front of a computer for 12+ hours a day so it's pretty convenient for me. I suppose you could really use any calendar type program for this!

[clouds_and_sun]

(((shelterdog71)))
I know how you feel, I get moods where as I really want to be in love and then during PMS I am okay with being single for the most part. I will be 40 in 2.5 years, so I am not to far from ya.
PS I put a "thank you" for the info about the mood diary.

[shelterdog71]

Originally Posted by clouds_and_sun

(((shelterdog71)))
I know how you feel, I get moods where as I really want to be in love and then during PMS I am okay with being single for the most part. I will be 40 in 2.5 years, so I am not to far from ya.
PS I put a "thank you" for the info about the mood diary.

Yeah, I have those days too. I'll get depressed because I'm single and alone and wish I had a man to love me. Then I take a look at my immaculately clean house and think "why do I want another slob messing it up?" My ex was the most inconsiderate, lazy pig that ever lived. I had to hire a cleaning lady because I couldn't work a 10 hour day and come home to another 4 hours of cleaning up after him, even though he was home all day and didn't work. Since he's been gone I've never been happier or had a cleaner house.

But yeah, sometimes it gets real lonely. I can't have an intelligent conversation with my dogs....they just lick their butt and walk away!