Building up emotions when you ignore..

Hi,

As most of you know, I confronted my childhood sexual abuser Now he sends me threatening messages, not anywhere that he's gonna harm me but those that he's gonna prove me to be a liar and all this.. and abusive words.

I told him i dont want to talk to him and leave me alone but he wont' stop and is abusive towards me. Now, I'm really good at IGNORING, but at the same time, I always get angry on the inside where I feel I need to respond and yell back...

My question, how do i deal with this anger without contact him?? Or how can i distract myself from this?

Or what is the solution to this? SO i dont get pent up anger.

Tuff position to be in. Have you thought of getting a personal protective order. I dont know if you confronted him "legally" or "personally" but congrates on such a tuff action.

Remember, you cant control his actions or his behavior, nor are you responsible for it. He is only trying to "abuse" you AGAIN, doesnt matter if sexual, physical or emotional. Dont give him that option. It's ok to be angry with him. But remember if you show him that you are only giving him that right to affect you again. Stuffed animals are great for screaming at - they listen well and never talk back (be worried if they start talking back though hehe)

A therapist would be helpfull in this situation. Do you have one? And your always welcome to vent here, we all listen well.

Thank you for responding!

I can't get a restraining order, I'm in another country, police sucks here. I wouldn't have been so upset if i felt protected..

I'd call the police and tell them what you wrote here.

Hi Distressed!

I have never been sexually abused, so there is no possible way that I can understand the trauma you suffered or the ordeals you endured. I can only empathize.

Even though I wasn't sexually abused, I WAS physically and emotionally abused by my father from the time I was born until I left home at the ripe old age of 16. I had an intimate knowledge of true, uncontrollable terror... and a complete loss of control of all aspects of my being.

I was filled with resentment, fear, and anger at my father for years and years after I left home... until one glorious day when I finally realized what it was that I'd been doing.. I was continuing to allow my father to have a hold on me LONG after I had grown up and had a family of my own. Of course, I hadn't seen my father in years nor did he have any knowledge of his continued hold on me. (In fact, over the years he felt very contrite and regretted the years of abuse he committed against all of his family.) You see, I was the one that was feeling angry at him and he didn't even know it or care about my anger. In effect, my being angry had no affect on anyone but myself!! I was tearing myself apart inside for NO REASON. My anger wasn't hurting anyone but ME.
I don't know... it might not seem like a big deal to anyone other than myself, but that realization was like a bolt out of the blue. It allowed my to take back my PERSONAL POWER from my father. That realization took away the hold that my father had on me.
It also allowed me to understand the nature of forgiveness, which was another very, very powerful realization... FORGIVENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE BUT YOURSELF!!! It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the person that you are forgiving... for forgiveness is about letting go of the pain you cause yourself, pain that you inflict on yourself for no reason. Your pain affects no one but yourself, for no one but you is involved in your personal pain,,,

Anyway, I know I'm going on and on...

Holding all of those terrible, destructive emotions inside you hurts NO ONE but YOU... Your abuser isn't feeling your pain. In fact, it's obvious that he delights in inflicting more pain on you... To allow yourself to continue to be hurt by your abuser it to let him win... to let him continue to keep his meaningless hold on you... I don't know... I hope this makes sense to you...

What I would like to know is, How long are you going to give him the power to hurt you? All it takes to stop the pain is to know in your own heart that HE CAN NO LONGER HURT YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIES!! Because you have taken back your own personal power... that you are on to his childish, hurtful game... and he has no more power over me...

I think the bottom line is, You don't need to ignore what he is doing if you can see his game for what it is and to realize that it is without substance... and can not hurt you unless you let it...

Well, I'm embarrassing myself by going on like this...

Dan

Distressed:

re: My question, how do i deal with this anger without contact him?? Or how can i distract myself from this?
Or what is the solution to this? SO i dont get pent up anger.
>>> I can only speak for myself on this. I learned, from an Anger book, (don't remember the name) that I need to send my rage right back to the person or thing that caused it and then imaginatively sit that person in a stuffed chair and tell that person everything I ever wanted to including cursing, yelling, screaming, crying and even beating the crap out of that 'imaginary' person in the stuffed chair until I was TOTALLY exhausted (which might take a long time)! The alternative is beating up a bed with fists or implements but go at it until I am completely exhausted and drained. This dissipates much of the anger and, hopefully, does not harm you. You may have to do this when no one is around to become alarmed at your loud, violent and ANGRY yelling, screaming, weeping, beating, pounding, slamming process as you express and release the angry rage and painful energy the abuse has stored up within you. I had to do this several times and still carry some anger towards my parents and a few others from my past. It's really just a dynamic process of expressing and releasing painful, wounded and VIOLENT energy that abusive violations place within us but is meant to be done in as nondestructive a way as possible. IMO, unless we express and heal old wounded feelings, they never let us go and may even begin causing problems like arthritis, cancer, migraines, depression, RAGE, etc.
good luck,
jim