[Distressed2010]

When I recently revealed I was SA by someone in the family who's very manipulative, my sister was very insensitive about it. Infact, she tortured me further. The SA threatened to do a court case on me, and my sister came to me asking me why I hadn't revealed this when It was happening (For the 20th time that she asked me this when I'd had answered this before) and when I said I didn't want to discuss this anymore, she said Well what will you do when he does a court case on you? You have to be prepared, the lawyers will ask you this. I'm just helping you.

That time I fell into her web. When I got out of it, I felt like crap and thats when I realized she'd just manipulated me once again.

Especially since she was the first one i told 4 years back and her response was "dont tell anyone, they wont believe you". So i didnt, Back then. She had also told me, "oh, he tried to do that with me too but I was smart I didn't fall for it."

4 years passed and this year I finally had to just tell my parents so I did. That's when she pretended to help my by portraying herself as a lawyer.

I am VERY angry around this situation. I try to keep my mind away from it, but it creeps back up. When it creeps back up, I get stuck in this cycle where one event leads to another, in a cycle, I think of all the past situations when she manipulated me and I didn't know, when she hurt my feelings (which was all through childhood- she would get my SA to hurt me further by complaining to him about me all the time- she'd pretend to be supersweet in front of my parents but a ***** behind their back, portraying me as the troubled child when I'd get hurt).

Sometimes, I feel I'm carry this heavy baggage in my heart. I have too many trigger points, a lot of times I try to just cope and I do okay but sometimes I lose control. Then I'm down for days stuck in the past.

How do I deal with all this? Is this all pent up anger/repressed anger or pain??

I try to stay in the present, but the past constantly creeps back up?

Please help!!

[OrangeMoira]

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

Do you think it might help if you expressed your feelings? To her or, to avoid or manipulation, to a journal? It sounds like you have a lot of hurts you haven't been able to discuss because you're stuck in her issues.

Have you tried using positive affirmations to replace those brooding thoughts? That helps me a lot if I can remember to do them!

It's good that you're starting to recognize your trigger points. I think that will help you to deal with this better and better in the future.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by OrangeMoira

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

Do you think it might help if you expressed your feelings? To her or, to avoid or manipulation, to a journal? It sounds like you have a lot of hurts you haven't been able to discuss because you're stuck in her issues.

Have you tried using positive affirmations to replace those brooding thoughts? That helps me a lot if I can remember to do them!

It's good that you're starting to recognize your trigger points. I think that will help you to deal with this better and better in the future.

Hi.

Thankyou for responding. Its extremely difficult expressing my feelings to my sister as she's very manipulative and has never really been nice to me. Her behavior around this situation hurt me and made me angry. Even if i express how i felt to her, she'll just turn it back on me, so no point there.

I tried journaling as well, its a temporary fix-sometimes, but then the rumination doesn't go away.

She also makes me look like the bad one and that she's the good one.

I feel like I need to release these emotions and whatever i do, whether its cardio, writing, etc.. its a temporary fix and they return.

[madisgram]

distressed, so sorry this is going on in your life. if it were me i'd not trust your sister anymore. she's passive agressive and they can be most harmful to us. especially if we are trusting with them. i'd get out more and when around your sis be evasive if she starts to probe you. be generally pleasant if you can but trusting her with your life things are only going to harm you in the long run, imho. be on guard so you can protect yourself. you deserve to be treated well. if not, keep a healthy emotional distance from her.

[Perna]

I hear you trying to figure out how to help yourself so you don't keep thinking about these things. You have to "accept" what happened and that it is in the past; that it did not make you good or bad and was not your fault if you were a child. You also, unfortunately, have to take "possession" of it and what it might require from you in the future, not share it with those whose business it is not.

Ignore and/or walk away from your sister if she tries to discuss the subject, just telling her, "this is none of your business and I do not appreciate your continued discussion of my business." If she does the whole, "I'm only trying to help" then give her a cold, "Well, you're not!" and leave her presence. Do you have a therapist/professional you can discuss this with? If your have to go to court, I would get a lawyer/someone to represent you and with whom you can discuss how to proceed. Just baldly state to your sister the "facts". If she is pretending to be a lawyer, remind her she is not either your lawyer (it's not her business) or any sort of lawyer at all so she can go pretend somewhere else.