[Addie76]

Hello everyone,

I'm new around here even though I've joined in 09 I never posted on a regular basis, until now. Some of you already replied to my intro so I know some of you relate to this and that makes me feel a bit better and that I have people to relate to.
I've been feeling ok(ish) in the last couple of months and feeling ok is what keeps me worried and sometimes awake at night. I'm constantly thinking about the next bout of depression or the next time I'll let my anxiety take over, not making it possible to enjoy the fact I actually feel better than I have in years. The fact that this is such a worry tells me I'm more anxious than normal but I've been coping with this but I still can't enjoy the fact that I leading a fairly "normal" life and the times I get to the end of the day with that bitter feeling I've could done, should have done more to be better, feel better, enjoy the fact that I'm actually doing better...

Wishing everyone a great week!

Hugs,

Addie

[Perna]

I get those worries in the middle of the night! What I do to help myself is immediately get specific and see if I can think of actions that might help. For example, I'll be anxious about living alone in my house, being elderly and not able to care for myself and having "stuff" just accumulate around me and being old, sick, dirty, etc. I mean, look at all the dust on the top of the door lintel!

I find what I'm thinking about, what examples I'm giving myself to make my worries make sense (dust on the door lintel) and will decide to do something about them tomorrow, right away, so they can't bother me anymore. I use to worry excessively about my finances and understanding them but started working (a couple years ago!) with my husband and getting more familiar with them specifically and now I'm only half as scared. I recently had a breakthrough where I realized that nothing "sudden" would/could happen with the finances, even if my husband were to suddenly have something happen to him! There would be time to work with and understand what I have and what I need and how it all works.

I think often we have this all-or-nothing idea that suddenly we'll be in the depths of depression and helpless or something but it doesn't really happen like that but more gradually. And I have learned to trust myself to work hard to help myself if I have a problem! If you see you're slipping in mood, there are things you can do at that time; if one is not taking care of one's self and see it, one can work to improve that!

[venusss]

It is no use to obsess about it. From all you know... bad things may happen... but it is no use to worry about them. Because usually something else happens that you expect.

Live in the moment more. And remember, your feelings is something you may more or less control, as opposed to external events.

I have a slogan "hope of the best, be prepared for the worst". Have a back up scenario, but do not expect it to happen. You know just in case... just the way public buildings have alarms system and fire extinquishers in case something happen, but nobody actually expects that they will burn down any time soon.

[Addie76]

Thanks, Perna.
I wake up in the middle on the night worrying about all sorts of things... Most of them, I'll recognize, I need not to worry about them but yet I do... Like ending up old and alone and being eaten by one of cats... hehehe.

And the things actually are of concern, well some are just out of my control and others, well, I might take a page from your book and do something about them and stop procrastinating. But do you know the feeling that just thinking about doing something makes so anxious, let alone doing it?

I've had several relapses over the years and it is like you said, it's not sudden. But it took me awhile to recognize the signs of bad days to come. I'm more in control of that in these past couple of years, still my anxiety is one tough cookie, for lack of better expression. The depressed side of me is sort of laying low for now but my anxiety is through the roof... Hence the constant rumination, or maybe I'm anxious because I'm over thinking and second doubting myself all the time?

*Sigh*

Thank you!
Hugs,

Addie

[Addie76]

Hey Venus!
Thank you for posting back.

My mom tells me that all the time: "hope of the best, be prepared for the worst". I think I took a bit too far...

I'm a worrier and a pessimistic worrier too... Took many years to realize that. I used to think it was "my job" to worry about everything and everyone and to take care of everyone's needs. I know better now but the worrying, over thinking, ruminating sort of stayed with me. So I'm afraid the good times will end, and in the meantime I'm not enjoying the good times.

I liked the public buildings analogy. That's was good, made sense to me. Thanks.

Hugs,

Addie