[Elana05]

For a while I thought I was pretty good at identifying my feelings. But I have been attending a lot of 12 step meetings (4 per week) and all of the sudden I don't know... who I am or what I am feeling. I was encouraged to speak today because I led the meeting (boy, they all didn't know what a slender reed they were leaning on). I felt like I didn't know what I was talking about. My voice sounded very far away, like I had cotton in my ears... and I was like, "what the he** am I talking about?" I always have this feeling that I "ramble on." I think it's because my father puts me down if I don't get-to-the-point quickly or say something he thinks is clear. I just felt like I didn't make any sense or know what I was going on about. My emotions seem very far away. Am I angry? Am I sad? Am I hurt? Am I hopeful? One of the things I am trying to hone is a feeling of self-assurance. This is why I feel so lost. I don't know what it's like to have confidence. I used to. But things were SO different then. I can't even go back to that old place. I need to find some new ways of understanding myself but... ???

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Elana05

For a while I thought I was pretty good at identifying my feelings. But I have been attending a lot of 12 step meetings (4 per week) good for you elanaand all of the sudden I don't know... who I am or what I am feeling. I was encouraged to speak today because I led the meeting (boy, they all didn't know what a slender reed they were leaning on).i would guess they knew it would help you to speak. i'm glad you agreed. I felt like I didn't know what I was talking about. My voice sounded very far away, like I had cotton in my ears... and I was like, "what the he** am I talking about?" you may have detatched from yourself a bit cause what you were talking about was real but overwhelming at the same time. I always have this feeling that I "ramble on." I think it's because my father puts me down if I don't get-to-the-point quickly or say something he thinks is clear. I just felt like I didn't make any sense or know what I was going on about. My emotions seem very far away. sometimes our brain may feel it's on overload and it protects us from too much info/feelings. Am I angry? Am I sad? Am I hurt? Am I hopeful? One of the things I am trying to hone is a feeling of self-assurance.this will take time to acquire, elana. you've been conditioned to doubt your self worth. the good news you can turn this around. just do your best and the rest will follow. This is why I feel so lost. I don't know what it's like to have confidence. I used to. But things were SO different then. I can't even go back to that old place. I need to find some new ways of understanding myself but... ???

elana, i've seen you grow so much since i first "met" you. you have started to take charge of your life. you are empowering yourself. it took courage to step out of that self defeating circle. and you needn't worry you may "go back to that old place." you are forging ahead with your own new life. it may feel scary at times. we're here for you and share these thoughts at a meeting. others who have felt the same way once will offer you support.
i'm witnessing you growing into a butterfly

[Elana05]

Thanks, Madisgram