Waiting for darkness

I am new to this site, it is my first post. I have lived with bipolar disorder for 30 plus years. I thought I experienced everything, depression, panic attacks, rollar coaster relationships, divorce, remarriage etc, but nEVER THIS.
I recently began to totally FEAR daylight.
I am home most of the time and also deal with chronic pain the result of eleven surgeries on my right knee and a failed knee replacement. I take morphine and prozac, a great cocktail?
I am a retired musician, classical cellest on disability. I have for many years taught music and performed so I was easily able to function day or night. No longer.
I have recently covered all the windows in my small three bedroom home. I try not to even let my dog out when there is sunlight. I no longer can drive due to chronic leg pain, but when I do go out and have friends pick me up it is only at night. All I do is avoid daylight and crave darkness, when I start to function.
I even stay away from rooms that my girlfriend mandates have open windows. The bedroom once she leaves for work goes totally dark, with only a small lamp. The same with my study. When I practice my cello I use a light on my music stand. If I have to put my dog out. I try to get his lead into the house to latch to his collar and shut the door the second he goes out, then the same when I bring him in a few minutes later. I have begun to use lamp light for my two birds as I am afraid that keeping them in the dark all day will harm them. They need a natural cycle. I do not mind lamp type light as much as outdoor light. I can even function with lamps on it is natural outdoor light and views that I am in panic of.
I am seeing my doctor in a few weeks for a med check up, but I wonder if anyone out there has had similar issues. I am so panicked I even check the hours of daylight on charts counting the days until June 21 when the daylight hours begin to shorten. I loved it when it would get dark by 5 p.m., now I have to wait until almost 9 pm to feel safe.
If you have had this experience or similar issues please share with me, as i know this is off the chart and something is going on

Welcome, celloplayer. Does your doctor know about your aversion to light? Is therapy an option for you?

Byzantine,
No, I only see my therapist once every 90 day's for med refills. The last two 15 minute appointments were taken up with medication issues. I called an made an appointment to see her this Monday and will discuss it then. Frankly as a musician I am use to working and being in top form at night and in orchestra pits that are pitch black except for your music stand and the lighting of the conductor. But this goes far beyond darkness it is a total aversion to any sunlight. When I see sunlight I literally close my eyes until I find my way into my room. Once my girlfriend leaves for work I pull down the room darkening shades and curtins and try to create as much of dark environment as possible. I have actually put plywood over the window in my music room and even put in a longer header above my door so no light will filter in. I cannot understand this because when I was living in Myrtle Beach several years ago I could not wait to get to the beach with my dog every morning and sat in the sun all day. I really want to get to the bottom of this. It has gone so far that I have checked those towns in Northern Alaska that have the shortest hours of sunlight in the winter and seem drawn to them, even though in summer they have sunlight as musch as 22 hours.
I am one of those people who has a good understanding of my disease of bipolar disorder, panic attacks etc, but his I cannot get a hand on. I think it may be related to my panic attacks as when I do see glimpses of dayligh I react the same way wanting to retreat to my darkened music room or bedroom.

It may be some type of panic oriented attack, but with the day's getting longer it has really become a major problem as all I seem to do is wait for darkness before I can start to function. I sleep well, but just cannot stand any natural outdoor light. It is really off the wall. I am wondering if anyone knows of others who have had this issue?

to PC =)

I have not had that specific issue but I really think you should talk to someone about it - it could be anything from affect of your meds to something totally unrelated but it's important because it's making it not possible to live normally.

I'm also a cellist, though a student right now. Congratz on the orchestras you have played in, remember you have had successes as well

Photophobia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photophobia

Lost time,
Thank you, it is interesting to see the link. As I had a major brain hemorrhage last year, and was in a coma fro 6 weeks, almost died. i have had vision issues since as the bleeding was right near my optic nerve. I have had to stop driving due to depth preception issues. i have seen a neuro opthomologist but that was just after the hemorrhage, reading your link, I will call him tomnorrow and see if it is possible to make an appointment to see him. I never connected it, but it could have something to do with the effects of the brain hemorrhage. thank you very much

Good luck Celloplayer! Way to come through Lostime! Hope that gets corrected soon celloplayer, too much life ahead to miss out....