[blugooo]

i'm 19. ive been taking many medications for over 10 years. the past few years i was on 10 pills a day. a combination of lithium, valproic acid (depakote) and respiridal. 5 pills in the morning, 5 at night.

6 months ago i started taking only the night doses (half as much as usual)

i actually felt better. but i didnt really notice that much of a difference with anything.

recently, (the last month) i have been tapering off every medication except respiridal. (me and my psychiatrist decided to do this.)

i really really want to get off my medicine. i felt like i didnt even need it and i felt confident that i could overcome the transition and i'm SICK of living with all the negative side effects for TEN years.

today is the second day that im only taking the respiridal. ive gotten off everything else.

up until today or maybe yesterday i felt great. i not only felt like i could think clearer but that i could use my mind even more than most people could. ive also lost a lot of weight and started to feel a lot better about myself...

but basically all day today it seems like everything that normally just slightly irritates me and i just blow off and dont care about, enrages me.

i have a much shorter tolerance for irritation

also i feel hopeless. i feel like theres nothing i can do to help myself and i give up trying so much easier. i keep noticing things about my emotions that i remembered feeling the same way when i wasnt doing well with them.

to make matters worse, my own father already is telling me he thinks i should go back on my medicine. he has no faith in me at all it seems like.

it kills me inside. :'(

he told me this today. like i said, up until today i have been doing great and its not just me saying this. my mom and brother both agree, in fact they even said that i'm still doing alright today, but just the fact that my dad is SO QUICK to just give up on me...

i want to try and keep going with only taking respiridal, in fact up until today i was prepared to even get off that and be completely free of those damn chemicals that i know i dont need. i even called my psychiatrist this morning to follow up on thing and told her that everything was going great. because up until this afternoon i felt fine

i guess what i'm trying to say is i REALLY want to get off my medicine and up until today i felt completely confident that i could and so does everyone else still (except my dad )

i guess im being just as hard on myself as my dad is and i know this is just one instance but i keep wondering if its only going to get worse. i keep doubting myself and i guess the reason i came to this site is because i want to hear positive stories about how people manage thier bipolar WITHOUT medication.

ive come to deeply despise everything about medication. i wish i never started it in the first place but, at the time i started it , it seemed like there were no other options.

thats whats so frusterating and dissapointing.

ive been doing SO MUCH BETTER the past year or so than i used to when i was taking much more medication.

that was my reason for the faith i had in myself to stop medication.

im asking for replies to this post to help me get over this slump and not get back on the medication ive already gotten off of. i will definately still be taking respiridal ( right now i am taking 1 mg a day, before bed) for now...

[disguise123]

keep going be strong, your doing amazingly well. Keep in touch with your doctor, monitor yourself for any drastic changes or turns for the worse.
But i agree, dont give up, its only very early days you may find everything settles down nicely given time.

[Leed]

I think your Dad was a little quick to judge. Give him the benefit of the doubt and keep going on your original plan. See how you do. It sounds like you're doing just GREAT

I don't think I'd back-track now. I'd keep on plugging away and STILL stay positive that you can do this. I don't see why you can't!! Best of luck & let us know how you do. God bless and congrats!!! Hugs, Lee

Hi blugooo,

I wanted to introduce you to the work of Peter Breggin. He's very much anti-medicine and might benefit the new outlook you have. He's written several books and I have three. I find it fascinating how he talks. He's Harvard educated so no dummy. Look him up on Amazon.

Love and hugs,
Tara

up until today or maybe yesterday i felt great. i not only felt like i could think clearer but that i could use my mind even more than most people could. ive also lost a lot of weight and started to feel a lot better about myself...

but basically all day today it seems like everything that normally just slightly irritates me and i just blow off and dont care about, enrages me.

i have a much shorter tolerance for irritation

also i feel hopeless. i feel like theres nothing i can do to help myself and i give up trying so much easier. i keep noticing things about my emotions that i remembered feeling the same way when i wasnt doing well with them.

to make matters worse, my own father already is telling me he thinks i should go back on my medicine. he has no faith in me at all it seems like.

it kills me inside. :'(

he told me this today. like i said, up until today i have been doing great and its not just me saying this. my mom and brother both agree, in fact they even said that i'm still doing alright today, but just the fact that my dad is SO QUICK to just give up on me...

Your father may not be judging you - it may be hard to see you feeling badly or not doing well and he's just reacting...your body is probably still adjusting to the lack of meds...it might be scary for him to see this, and he's not thinking about what he's saying. You're his kid and he wants you to be healthy and feel good.

And you are being very hard on yourself.

As for success without meds....it's a tough road.

i'm coming off some meds - finished Seroquel almost 2 weeks ago and my dr said she'd take me off another one if i continue to do well. This is the 3rd time trying to get off of it - first time success - looking forward to that weight loss you mentioned! i also made huge lifestyle changes with work to keep me mentally stable.

I've been on medication for 20+ years. My husband notices the changes when i drop the doses and gets anxious seeing me have mood swings or tears...He just wants me to feel well.

It sounds like you have great support from your mom and your brother...give your dad and yourself a little more time - you only had one or 2 bad days....everyone has bad days, whether they are bipolar or not.

good luck!

[shezbut]

(((blugloo)))

Your father's reaction sounds a little negative to me. I would go back to puting more confidence in how you were feeling just one or two days ago. You felt good, up until your father gave his opinion. Everyone is justified to have their opinion. But you and your doctor have much more experience and knowledge of how you are handling the weaning off medications (other than risperidal).

Therefore, I would recommend continuing to follow the doctor's plan as directed. If your anxiety continues, call your doctor (or his nurse) to let them know. I think that you are doing great though ~ you can continue and be successful. You just need the support of others to help you through.

Best wishes to you and to Psych Central!

[arcangel]

I'm not familiar with your condition or your medications and I'm not a doctor so take what I say with a grain of salt. What you described sounds like withdrawal to me. If so then everything sounds normal to me. Your dad is just being a dad...maybe a little too much
Bottom line...listen to your doctor.

[FuriousGeorge]

Hang in there. Living med free (or close to it) is my goal as well.

Best wishes.