[hahalebou]

I hate this. Without going into too much detail, I'm getting fed up with taking care of people and myself and trying to live like a normal teenager, such as having and maintaining friendships. I love my family, and I would gladly lay my life on the line to improve theirs, but I am so. fed. up. I am so angry I could cry, or so sad I could scream and throw a hissy fit. I'm not sure which.

My GP told me to see a counselor, but I don't want to. What if I'm diagnosed with something? I already have an idea of what I'd be diagnosed with, and I don't want it. Forget that. What if I have to be on pills for the rest of my life? I am not taking those pills. I refuse. There's nothing anyone could ever do for me. I'm just doomed to be this way.

For the past few days, I've been waking up at six every day like clockwork; regardless of what time I went to bed. I can feel my mood lowering, and I can feel the lightning and thunder in my head. I'm starting to hear voices at night, other than my own. And they fade in and out of realism. I'm also losing track of time. I looked at the scars on my arm and wondered why they hadn't faded completely yet after what felt like a month, and then I realized that they hadn't faded because I just cut myself a week ago out of intense anger. I was doing so well until two days ago. I was happy, vibrant, maybe a little more prone to irritability, but not sick. I was perfect...and now I'm not.

I'm just so confused as to how much of what I'm experiencing is a real illness, how much is just normal mood fluctuation, and how much is all in my head. Am I driving my brain nuts, or is my brain driving me nuts? What is going on?

Anyway, this wasn't really meant to be anything, just a form of "therapy" for me. I really needed to vent. I'm not suicidal or anything yet, but I'm just frustrated, angry, and maybe a little scared.

[Sunna]

There are some people who take comfort in diagnosis, and take comfort in pill taking.

You are not one of these people. Not yet, in any case. You are still holding yourself together.

Please seek help. You may not be an adult yet, but you are not a child, and you have a right to seek help in a form you will agree to. You are under tremendous strain, and you do need help, before things spin out of control.

As to brain mind interaction it is a bit of both. It is true, for example, that our experience of severe trauma damages the brain and when the brain is so damaged it will affect our thinking and our emotions in overwhelming ways. But meditation changes the brain in ways medication just can't. Still, mind may be our most powerful tools in combating mental problems. Just ponder the mystery of placebo becoming more effective than phamaceutical drugs. It tells us THE MIND is king.

There are forms of help that focus on the mind. A doctor or therapist could get you into Cognitive Behavior Therapy group for example. My health plan offers stress and anxiety management group therapies focusing on coping skills, teaching meditation, and self-care, free or very cheap for members. There are books and programs, for example., my latest favorite, even mentioned on this site: Byron Katie's "The Work". I found that filling my ipod with Wayne Dyer lectures on Tao while going for a walk was doing me much good. On a flip side listening to music that expressed my depression and darkness did nothing to help me pull myself out of it. Your choice what you listen to, your choice what you do or not do.

I just hope you do not let yourself slide too deep before you get help. I think your coming here was the first step in that direction.

[hahalebou]

I'm getting a shot this month, so maybe I'll bring it up to my GP again during the appointment. I just...I feel like there's no help for me. This is just who I am and how I'll be for the rest of my life.

Thanks for responding, btw. I appreciate it. I think I'm going to go take a nap now.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. Believe me, I know what you're going thru.

BUT -- you need to see a counselor. So what if they give you a diagnosis?? That isn't the real YOU. Besides, you could just have a chemical imbalance or something that is causing the depression. But you DO need to be treated.

I didn't want to take any medication either, but i had been depressed since I was a small child -- so I began taking an antidepressant. FINALLY I found out who I REALLY was!!!! I had no idea "who" I was because i was always so sad, depressed, and feeling all alone. Now I know that I'm NOT alone, and there are millions of others just like me. Therapy worked wonders for me, and it didn't take years of it either.

Please seek the help you need. Your life WILL be much better. I can promise you that. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[gma45]

hahalebou Hi I know sometimes life does suck! This is a great place to just write stuff, I know it makes me feel better! Hang in there you are not alone!

[cin1]

Originally Posted by hahalebou

I hate this. Without going into too much detail, I'm getting fed up with taking care of people and myself and trying to live like a normal teenager, such as having and maintaining friendships. I love my family, and I would gladly lay my life on the line to improve theirs, but I am so. fed. up. I am so angry I could cry, or so sad I could scream and throw a hissy fit. I'm not sure which.

My GP told me to see a counselor, but I don't want to. What if I'm diagnosed with something? I already have an idea of what I'd be diagnosed with, and I don't want it. Forget that. What if I have to be on pills for the rest of my life? I am not taking those pills. I refuse. There's nothing anyone could ever do for me. I'm just doomed to be this way.

For the past few days, I've been waking up at six every day like clockwork; regardless of what time I went to bed. I can feel my mood lowering, and I can feel the lightning and thunder in my head. I'm starting to hear voices at night, other than my own. And they fade in and out of realism. I'm also losing track of time. I looked at the scars on my arm and wondered why they hadn't faded completely yet after what felt like a month, and then I realized that they hadn't faded because I just cut myself a week ago out of intense anger. I was doing so well until two days ago. I was happy, vibrant, maybe a little more prone to irritability, but not sick. I was perfect...and now I'm not.

I'm just so confused as to how much of what I'm experiencing is a real illness, how much is just normal mood fluctuation, and how much is all in my head. Am I driving my brain nuts, or is my brain driving me nuts? What is going on?

Anyway, this wasn't really meant to be anything, just a form of "therapy" for me. I really needed to vent. I'm not suicidal or anything yet, but I'm just frustrated, angry, and maybe a little scared.

you are aware of how you feel. I feel like having hissy fits, and i do at times. hang in there. cin