[Dreamwolf]

Hey, me again, trying to get something else off my chest...

I am confused. Not sure how to put it all into words, but I'll try..
I have these strange views of my future. I have days where i think my life is going nowhere; where I have morbid thoughts, like "how I hate everything", "I'm going to die soon so why bother doing anything", etc. And I have other days where I have more positive thoughts and visions of my future... When I have those positive thoughts, though, they're replaced by the morbid thoughts... I kind of like those depressing thoughts, though... It's just a big confusing jumble in my mind. I can't clearly decide if I want to be happy with a future or depressed with no future... With those depressing thoughts in my head, I'm not in a good mood when talking to people... For example, my dad wanted me to help him and my brother do yardwork, and when my brother tried to get me outside, I refused, cussed, and even called him an a**hole... It's not that I'm angry with them... I get frustrated when I can't put my thoughts into words clearly and end up saying things I don't mean or can't take back... When I have positive thoughts, I feel guilty about anything awful I might've said (ex: I feel bad for calling my brother an a**hole when he's been nicer to me so far)... I think I'm getting off topic a bit... Anyways, the problem is I can't seem to sort out my emotions all that well. I want to happy and I want to be depressed... Any feedback would be appreciated.. I'm not sure what's been going on with my mind lately... -_-

[beauflow]

have you tried to write them down as a pro and con list? May sound silly but maybe it help'to sort them out? Then like weigh them on paper with a line in the middle...

Though why be ''wanting to be depressed''
Really?
I personally don't understand, I mean I can be like I can stay this way for a bit but I want to be lifted of my weight off me someday, hard to explain I guess... I have issues with thought confusion too, been writing more to help....

[kaliope]

Dreamwolf
we all have thousands of thoughts a day. some are positive and some are negative. we cant control these thoughts. what we can do is control what we do with these thoughts. you can take any negative thought and turn it into a positve thought. because our thoughts control our actions. if you have the thought that you dont want your brother irritating you, then you will act by calling him an a**hole. but if you have that thought that he is irritating you and turn it around to "i want a positive relationship with my brother" you are less likely to call him an a**hole and take the action to cooperate with him instead. you can still be depressed and learn to change negative thoughts to positve so that you can take positve actions which will lead to the positive future. i dont have a goal to lead a long life. i frankly dont want to live on this sucky earth that long. but i have decided that i will go ahead and live and make the best of it while i am here, since i do have to be here my goal is to not be so miserable anymore. so i make positive choices today so i dont have to be so unhappy.