[moonbeam2]

im not shure if i should have posted this here or in the sleep category,ok my sleep schedual is way off its the end of summer & the kids will be going back to school soon & the closer it gets it seems like we stay up later & later ,& my husband keeps telling me its not good for you(me) to break away from my schedual i should take meds at the same time & go to bed at the same time & im like yea! yea ! yea! whatever ,well i went to bed at oh around 4am ish as apposed to 11pm big dif anywho i woke up today & felt like crap i have a few bad teeth & they hurt really bad the ones way in the back ,my ears r hurting really bad & my throut & neck hurt really bad i guess it may be my tonseles or something but i had put ice on my neck & heat & did the salt with warm water ,to get to the question is i am very scared i have throught cancer & as the day goes on it becomes scarier 4 me if im either always scared of dieying or i wanna take my life cause i cant live with bipolar anymore its such a morbid thing to live with the morbid thoughts keep bringing me down i feel like oh i dont know my sould is the devil & is after my shell (body)or my mind is the devil after my soul & my heart is the onely thing keeping me here ,i became ill again about a year ago & had to leave work i have no health coverage i wish i did i think i would be fixed if i had coverage but i never have the money to go get help i can barly afford my meds before that witch would be 2 yrs ago i started to get sick but stuck it out for a year so i worked sick but before that i was fine for like 3or4 yrs so i know it can go into remission not shure if thats the right term ,but what i wanna no is why im am consintly thinking of death is it just me ? or is it the depression or the bipolar i dont get it ? i do have to say this websight is my saveing grace it really helps me to reach out & know there r people that r caring & helpfull & it also helps just to get it off my chest ! thanks for taking the time to read this i feel allitle better now ! have a good day !
moonbeam in my heart! its what keeps me going !

[Open Eyes]

(((((((moonbeam2))))))) if your teeth hurt and your throat is sore you really need to go to the doctors, you may be fighting an infection and should be on antibiotics. You cant give in and think of the worst. It is probably just an infection. Many infections can start in the teeth. It could even be a sinus infection that is effecting your teeth and throat and ears. There is a lot going around right now, so you may have just picked something up.

If your depressed already being ill can make it feel worse. You have to get to a doctor. If you are struggling financially try to see if you qualify for a lower cost health care facility.

Open Eyes

[missbelle]

when you feel sick its not easy to be thrilled with life!!!! Also sometimes thinking of death means maybe a way out...but remember its permanent! I think though when we get depressed we always have those dark thoughts. Afterall we are depressed!

Sounds too like you need a clinic or something that will see you without insurance. Check the internet and look in your area. Also there still are a few clinics out there that will work out some financial plan or see you free. Sometimes you have to work thru the paperwork but its worth it if you get care.

When you feel better you will be less depressed and a little more in tune with stuff. I have a bi-polar daughter that has been fighting her demons for years. She was dx at age 13 and now is 31. She is sober 9 months but its very rough for her. I have major depression and I work at staying happy. Sometimes its my full time job.

None of us have it easy here. Thats why we are all here. I am glad you posted!!!

Feel better!!!
Hugs;