Dealing with Fear

These are by Dr Susan Jeffres.

Considering most (and I even heard ALL) "negative" emotions, such as anger, greed, jealousy, envy, insecurity, and so on can be deconstructed down to fear, this is very empowering.

http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/5truths.cfm
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Five Truths About Fear

FEAR TRUTH #1

The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow!

Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. There is no point in saying, "When I am no longer afraid, then I will do it." You'll be waiting for a long time. The fear is part of the package.

FEAR TRUTH #2

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and…do it!

When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.

FEAR TRUTH #3

The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!

With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.

FEAR TRUTH #4

Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else!

This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear. Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the fear - and did it anyway. So can you!

FEAR TRUTH #5

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness!

This is the one truth that some people have difficulty understanding. When you push through the fear, you will feel such a sense of relief as you feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you did not take action sooner. You will become more and more aware that you can truly handle anything that life hands you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
And I am aware of automatic protests arrising: "how dares she, this is so insensitive", "that's not so easy", and "she does not understand: I CAN'T just do it, because I AM afraid."

I does sound like she suggests we bootstrap ourselves out of our problems, and that does sound impossible. Our minds are so tricksy! When we say "I am afraid" we do ourselves a great disservice, by accepting the fear as part of our being.

Emotions are not our "I-AM". We merely experience them, just like we experience unpleasant sensation when we bang our thumb instead of a nail. They arise as a response to our mind's narrative. When we disprove the reality of the narrative the grip of the emotions lessens.

Thanks for those Sunna

Its putting it into practise that's difficult though, its like a fly thinking like an eagle ! for me anyway.
mala

Small steps, smallest things that may be possible, and repetition. And then focus on whatever you accomplished, rather on whatever larger goal may still remain.

I disagree with Fear Truth # 2

I have an extreme fear \ phobia of heights and telling me to go bungee jumping is the same as killing me.

thanks sunna! i was told "feelings are not facts", they are just feelings. i've found when i face my fears and go thru them to the other side successfully i am more confident dealing with other fears. thanks for the article.

I couldn't be persuaded to go bungee jumping either for the same reason.
But I don't take the intent was to max it out and scare yourself to death. I think it means push your boundaries little bit by little bit.

I have a moderate fear of heights. I've discovered it in Utah at a Delicate Arch. There is a way to come really close to the arch walking over about 30 ft wide slightly sloping rock surface. It is not difficult. However when I stepped on it, it suddenly reminded me of those coin wells where you drop a coin in and watch it spiral into a hole. There was an increasing curvature of the slope and there was a hole there, an unseen drop. I suddenly had a feeling like the hole was sucking me in. I turned around, gripped the rock wall behind me and became totally paralyzed, frozen, I could not even articulate that I had a problem. Someone saw it stepped behind me pressing his body at my back telling me I can release me grip. I didn't think I could, I was histerical, totally irrational, but somehow I moved my hands, one at a time alonge the rock with this stranger's body at my back, till we made it back out. I mumbled "thanks" shaking all over.

I did not like that at all! I hated being limited that way. It gave me no pleasure to have to be rescued or to have to say no to life. This fear even developed in me getting dizzy and nauseous watching someone ELSE standing close to a cliff! I just found it intollerable, so whenever I can, I take opportunity to overcome the fear just a little bit. For example on one hike, I found myself fearfully creeping across a ridge (3ft wide path!). When I made it to the other side (like there really was ANY question of possibly falling off it!) I took a time and walked back and forth several times till I could walk without fear and tension.

I also took beginning climbing classes. Incidentally, many rock climbers also had fear of heights, and that is why they got into it. The class took place not in a gym but on a real rock, outdoors. Very real, very scary, except completely safe. I climbed and stood balanced on a 1/2 inch ledge on a rock, the support line hanging slack looking down at 30 ft of rock wall I just climbed. I would have been terrified and frozen if not that support line, but the line was NOT holding me, it was just supporting my mind - giving me knowledge that if I did lose balance I would be immediately caught. My partner below was watching me, the belay line was not going to slip out of his hand. I was safe, and with that I found balance and awesome sense of freedom. I still could not free climb that rock, but I knew that if I wanted to I could work my way to it.

It takes constant practice to maintain it. The less fit I am the less confidence I have in my body, and more gripping the fear. I have to feel my body's balance to release my mind's fear. I have to talk to myself, distract myself so the panic does not start. I found that forcing the mind to be completely focused on the present moment, calculating next step and not gazing into an abyss helps. Or talking to someone. I had someone "talk me through" a very scary looking climb down along the chains down to the overlook at the top of Yosemite falls - dude was just telling me jokes and entertaining stories, and it kept me from getting taken over by my fear. He too was one of those people who attacked his fear of heights, and became a climber.

But no one would tell you to go out and bungee jump but to just take the first step toward bungee jumping (whatever that would be); phobias can be gotten over.

I have trouble though with Fear Truth #4 My unknowns are not another's so the idea that, "Everyone else is just as afraid as you are!" (would be my stepmother's line) is not true for my unknowns when I have them; I would be afraid to bungee jump but I don't have a phobia of heights, could force myself to "do" the height thing but would take awhile too for me to do the bungee thing.

I think the biggest thing with my fear is that I'm afraid of being afraid. I think most people have an inaccurate idea of what something will be like; have built up a monster in their own imaginations when it's actually something more benign. One can't fight my virile imagination with any rules out there