[beauflow]

i say that to some, and myself. but no matter how many great hugs, i still feel pain. i hate my past abuse, and i hate my present work to which these people trigger it so. i am tired of feeling used by them all and unwanted. i at times just feel so alone and so much angry. i wish a hug could be enough but it is not. i feel so upset right now with basically being singled out right now. sigh. sorry. idk what to do besides try to say f u c k em.

[beauflow]

i sound like a child when i say that on after thought. wishing hugs would take away the pain.

not just work ppl trigger i find ways for others to trigger some how.

cryying doesnt help it makes me feel numb. i want to scream while crying but cant. it physically hurts my throut and head. i try to stop breathing too not intianally but i do. found that out when iwas in potop in 2010 . the nurse keeptsaing breathe... cuz my oxygen would drop. i was so upset to realize only my boyfriend caredi had surry, and we'd only been tgether like over a year

[WobblyWombat]

Wow...it sounds like your having a really low period....
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at both work and home
especially during the holidays

Holidays seem to emphasis everything

All I can offer is some words of hope....
Things like "This too shall Pass" but words like that can be annoying when you feeling so low...
I truly hope that things improve for you....
Hang in there

[Charlie_J]

Originally Posted by beauflow

i sound like a child when i say that on after thought. wishing hugs would take away the pain.

I think you sound human. But even if you did sound like a child, there's nothing wrong with that. You feel the way you feel.

I'm really sorry that you're going through such a rough time atm beauflow, and I wish I could given you a real hug. I'll have to make do with these...

[beauflow]

Thank you all for your words and hug buttons I do appreciate it-- yeah last week was a low, a few nights before I posted this I ended up simi losing it at work-

sigh, i am tired of it all- so I am going to try this med for trail bases that pdoc suggested- it is a very low dosage, i have wonders if it will even do anything- but yet I don't want to take the hard stuff either due to side effects.. even this low dose med has a pretty bad side effect that could create a skin problem for the rest of my life, but that precent is very low, so not trying to think of that.

Thank you all again... I wish that I would not get so low and all on some days- as many of you have been, and I am sorry to even suggest or know of some that have been, but it tis true,....

Be well all

and thank you

and yes-- this too shall pass- i even wrote that down some where when dealing with some things last week-- i just have trouble with it sinking in at times-- it is hard to accept i suppose for me, to believe that it will when down. working on a lot right now

[unaluna]

you wrote such a GREAT incredibly wonderful post was it yesterday or the day before? I was speechless. it showed so much growth and grace and maturity. it was really awesome. YOU are really awesome, beauflow. I wish your life wasn't so hard. I lived in a hotel for 3 months one winter in mid-Michigan, and every time I read a post from you, I picture coming "home" from work and picking up my mail at the front desk from you! It was a weird time, we were working 12 hour shifts, that's why they put us up in hotels. Being single, I had no one to go home to on the weekends, no life outside of work, so I just put my stuff in storage and moved into the hotel. We had so much of our own drama at work, we had no idea this all was going on with the hotel people. It gets better?