[missyC]

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel this time. This time of year is always hard for me. But this year is horrible. I realize I have no life. I get up, go to work. Come home, clean house, cook, pay bills. My week-ends are usually very lonely. All of my family have plans that seem to never include me. I have become a fixture. Or maybe a tool. You know, something you use when you need it, and then put it away and forget it until the next time you need it. I don't have friends. Just people I know, and they don't have time for me. I am sitting here crying, knowing I have to force myself to get up and go to work, so I can start the cycle all over. I know this sounds like self-pity but it isn't. I don't know..

[Charlie_J]

It's sounding a lot like the old saying is true: Work to live, don't live to work.

I remember years ago one of my teachers claiming that the main point of school was to teach us to work, i.e. get up in the morning, go somewhere you don't really like, and stay there until hometime. For the record, I think he was right, but one thing school doesn't teach us is how to connect with others once school is over. If the kind of work you do doesn't put you in direct regular contact with a big group of people, it's lonely.

I know that often, it's impossible to do anything, but you are managing work so I just wondered if you had it in you to try something new, maybe just for an hour a week. Join a reading club, or learn a new hobby. If you can't think of anything, what about a hour or so of voluntary work?

I'm saying those things, because it sounds as if you need friends (more than online friends; friends in the real world). Maybe if you can pull it off, next time your family expect you to be there at the drop of a hat, you'll be able to remind them that you have your own life.

Anyway, don't know if any of that has helped at all, and I did also want to tell you that it doesn't sound like self pity. Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult to see out of these holes we find ourselves in.

Lots of

Hello Missyc,

I've had times in my life when I wasn't able to socialize easily. Those were very difficult times in my life. I think I understand how you feel.

As I've grown older, socializing has become easier. I used to smoke at least a pack a day of cigerrettes and ate unhealthy food and didn't exercise. Needless to say, I felt sick a lot. I think feeling physicly sick can harm someones ability to be a good friend or just be friendly to a stranger. I've quit smoking, eat healthier and I exercise regurally. I enjoy walking around the small city where I live in Maine. I enjoy sitting in the park and relaxing. I've gotten to know people who work at the local library and at a conveinence store near where I live. I worked as a cashier for a while and it seemed that the early mornings at convience stores or coffee shops are good places to find someone to talk about the weather with or something like that. Sometimes people enjoy a little small talk while they buy their coffee or newspaper. Cashiers can be friendly also, I know from experience that a friendly customer would help the time go by faster at work. Sometimes we might even share a laugh.

I go to 12 step groups also and I see a therapist and doctor.

I send e-mails to old friends sometimes and that is fun. I met one person I hadn't seen in 20 years the other day.

There are always ups and downs for all of us. It sounds like your in a down period in your life. I don't think you should isolate. That is a mean way to treat yourself. People aren't locked in solitary confinement for being sick in America. I don't think you deserve that.

Reach out for help and tell someone you trust how you feel.

Good luck!

A.

[lachlan_]

wow, that is really sad. honestly, I really fear being in your position and not knowing what to do about it, or how to change it and having to face it everyday. It must really test your faith