[Bereana123]

I have been depressed for the past 5-6 years now.

A little backround....
At one point much earlier on, I told my mom how I was feeling and that I had thoughts about ending my life sometimes. She felt hurt and guilty, but promised that she would take me to get help or at least see a doctor. She never did- maybe she was ashamed of my problem. Over a year later, I admitted to being depressed/suicidal on a routine check-up questionaire. The doctor saw this and told me that extreme moods and emotions are just part of adolescence and nothing to worry about.

I feel like I've been watching someone else live my life through a darkened screen that I can't remove. Sometimes I think this will just have to be how my life is- no joy, constantly exhausted, dull, and painful when the numbness wears down to much. But I want so much more! I want to really live my life.

Does anyone have ideas about how and who to ask for help? Advice? Stories?

[Susan Quinn]

[quote=Bereana123;2141024]I have been depressed for the past 5-6 years now.

A little backround....
At one point much earlier on, I told my mom how I was feeling and that I had thoughts about ending my life sometimes. She felt hurt and guilty, but promised that she would take me to get help or at least see a doctor. She never did- maybe she was ashamed of my problem. Over a year later, I admitted to being depressed/suicidal on a routine check-up questionaire. The doctor saw this and told me that extreme moods and emotions are just part of adolescence and nothing to worry about.

I feel like I've been watching someone else live my life through a darkened screen that I can't remove. Sometimes I think this will just have to be how my life is- no joy, constantly exhausted, dull, and painful when the numbness wears down to much. But I want so much more! I want to really live my life.

First of all, I am so sorry you didn't get the help you needed when you reached out. Not all physicians are adequately trained in recognizing clinical depression. Please go to another doctor. Feeling emotionally numb can be alleviated by medication and/or therapy. When a person feels well, they feel a multiple range of emotions. I tried everything over too many years to beat depression on my own. I found relief, finally, when I took the very first pill of Citalopram. The difference was amazing and still is. My family wishes I had started it years sooner, as do I. Go get what you need; you have a good life ahead of you. Live it fully! Susan Quinn

[Perna]

I am glad you were able to talk to your mom a year ago, I would maybe go back and discuss it with her. Do you know your mom's stories? What she was like when she was your age? What she remembers of growing up? I remember when my stepmother started telling me her stories and how that helped me understand a lot more about her and our relationship and life; it was comforting and filled a bit of the holes I was feeling in myself.

You will not always be a teenager. You will perhaps go to college, or go out and get a job and be on your own. At that time you will be able to help yourself by getting professional help if you want. I would make a little plan for the next 3-5 years, work hard at my school work and try to get a little money and save up some for therapy or a car or deposit on a place to live, etc. I would try to find a few other girls who were working on their futures or wanted to, maybe find a girl in one of my classes to tutor me in a subject I find difficult or start hanging out at the library with some people to do my homework, etc.

It is both normal and not normal to have extreme moods and emotions in one's teen years; yes, there are hormones doing their thing, helping us grow up. That does not make it easier! Maybe ask your mother to find you a woman doctor, someone who might check you out a bit more, talk with you a bit, maybe there are a few things that can help you not feel as extreme? Maybe you can go see a nutritionist and experiment with what you eat and how it makes you feel: http://health.kaboose.com/foods-to-eat/

If you can make a little plan for the next year or two at least, that will give you a bit of a focus and getting in the habit of bringing yourself back to your focus will be a good habit to have for your future. Maybe check out some self help books that appeal to you from the library?

[needfixing]

i know how you feel, you weren't validated for what your going thru.
if it helps any i validate you! (((hugs)))
please seek another doctor.

[JLarissaDragon]

Depression is a pervasive condition and not all people including doctors are able to handle it. I am sorry that you did not find help when you attempted to reach out. It is sometimes hard for others to validate what they themselves do not experience. I don't know how many times I have been told to just get over it and get on with life. Unfortunately it is not that simple. If you are still in school you might try to talk to a school counselor or school psychologist. Also I would try to see a different doctor who has a better grasp of what depression is like and how to deal with it.
It is your life and you can have a great life ahead. Please do not be ashamed and do not give up.