Is money worh it

My husband was offered a new position at work. It will bring in more money and i will be able to stay home. But it requires him to work longer hours and travel a lot more then he does now. And with no notice. I really want to be able to stay home but, am afraid it will throw me into a depresion with him not around. He is always on the go anyways and when he is home he spends a great deal of time in the garage. We have a good relationship and always takes my feeling in concideration. But i'm at a loss here. I don't know what i really want and would never tell him what to do. The fear of returning to the darkest hole is weighing heavy on my mind. Some input would be greatly app.

would you be able to get a part time job, volunteer or join a gym or something to get yourself out of the house some while he is away? maybe that would help ease some of the lonliness?

or if you already have a job..why wouldn't you just keep it if you enjoy it?

i guess i am thinking that if he takes the new position & does have to travel more then there is no reason for you to sit home alone...you could be out doing things you enjoy...it would give you more time & freedom for that..take up a new hobby or take classes at a local school, park system etc...

i retired with disability back in 98..very young...people all told that i would be bored & lonely...ya know...i'll admit to being bored a few days here & there but i startred my own business, took up photography, wrote some books, spend time with my dogs, do basset rescue, hike...

you can't be bored or lonely unless you let yourself be...change is hard & it's scary so you will have problems at first but i would look at this as an opportunity for growth...

& with the economy so crappy...hey a job with more $$...run with it...also maybe you can travel with him on some of those trips unless of course they are to god awful places...then you stay home & let him go.

I know you say you'd like to stay home but do you like the job you're doing now?

I haven't worked in 3 yrs. I stayed home to raise my child, who is now 7. But have been looking for a job this year. I can keep myself busy in the summer time but find winters very hard on me. I also have BP and ADHD and find change hard to deal with. I will not be able to travel with him, strick rule on employees only on the company jet. I feel i am stuck with the fear of not knowing what all is going to happen till he makes a choice.

Whether your husband takes the new position or not, it would be helpful to have more people whom you can rely on for support. There may be adult continuing education courses that you can get into, or even things going on at your local public library. Some people use religion as a way to meet new people, but I haven't really figured out how to go to a Church to meet new people because the services don't really tend to allow for a lot of socializing. Volunteering is good, too; you can use it to gain both experience and references for your regular job search.

And yes, the money is worth it - people who turn down opportunities tend to have fewer opportunities offered to them in the future.

Congratulations to your husband! I hope you don't hold him back - but also hope the 2 of you talk about the changes it will make to your current schedules. I know ADHD is easier to handle when there is known routine and making changes can be tough.

Instead of picturing yourself returning to the darkest hole - focus on picturing the positive ways that the income increase can make life better and more comfortable for the whole family. Plus, if your husband really enjoys the new job - well you get a happier husband as a bonus!

You mention that you have a 7 year old. From what I remember, full-time parenting is a job in itself! I was able to stay home for 14 years and don't regret a minute of it. I got involved with the PTA and did a lot of volunteer work at the schools. When the kids were at school, I had the time to read books and sew - 2 of my favorite passions.

There are part-time jobs out there where the hours are flexible, gets you out of the house and allows you to be home for your son after school. Pick one that you might view more as a hobby than a job. If you love crafts, find a job at a craft/fabric store; if you love sports, check out retail jobs that cater to sports, etc.

You could volunteer at your child's school when the school year starts. The school would love to have you.

Or volunteer in a nursing home or hospital. Or take a class or two, for fun or for future employment. Or pursue a hobby that keeps you busy, connected, and happy.

Your thought that you will fall into depression is just a thought and not a guarantee. Maybe you and your husband could talk about what you might do if he takes the job and you have more time for yourself?

Well he took the job so now i need to find different ways to keep me busy. I would love to get out and do things but find it hard as most people work in the day time. And sorry but church isn't for me.

Volunteering? Places always need people and it's a great distraction.

Ok, so he decided to take the job. Try not to put pressure on yourself thinking that you have to figure yourself out right away, or know how your going to adjust to his not being around as much. I actually can relate to you because my husband and some partners bought a restaurant and he was gone a lot. Yes, it was an adjustment for me and I am not going to lie, I was lonely at first. But when I look back on that time period, I also had some personal space and some freedom to grow for myself.
It can actually be very healthy for you and you can learn to be more independant too.

Do you have children? You mentioned that you wont have to work right? Could you spend your days going back to school and taking some interesting courses? You don't even have to have a major plan either. You could start by taking a course in something easy to get your feet wet so to speak.

You have some really good thoughts and suggestions here to consider. This may end up being just what you need, a space in your life that allows you to explore yourself better. Try not to think of this as a loss but a window of opportunity instead.

Open Eyes

is finace an issue in your marriage?
if not, i think taking this job will cause stress in your marriage.

There are lots of places you can volunteer that aren't affiliated with church or religious institutions. Even if a place is (like a soup kitchen) most times they will not force religion on you and I don't think being religious is necessary to do it.

I am getting ready to reduce my hours because my husband has taken a higher paying job. In our case, we believe that my mental health is suffering too much with the worries about myself and my children. Figure out what works best for you, and go with it.
Bluemountains

It's good he took the job. More money is always helpful. Now you need to structure your time. Make a huge list of things you can do with the time. Some of the suggestions given so far are fantastic.

1. Volunteer at the school your child attends. Your child will get better attention from the teachers.
2. Get a part time job in a store that you like. You'll get a little money and a discount.
3. Go to the gym. Don't just say "Yeah, I need to go to the gym." But leave the house and go.

The WORST thing you can do is stay home all day and all night. Eat, watch TV, surf the web and nap. That's what I did when I was unemployed and it drove me into a depressive hole. It's OK to be home alone for some of the hours of the day since you'll need to get housework done. But you MUST leave the house. Your mental health requires you to do so.