[PatBateman]

I was verbally abused as a child, which may have lead to the dulling of my emotions. How would I ever get in touch with them again? I haven't been able to in a long time. Does not being emotional make me less of a human and more of a monster? How can the past be undone in this case?

[Leed]

Yes, verbal abuse can dull the emotions -- it's a matter of self-preservation. We turn them off so we don't sob uncontrollably, or break out in a rage, etc. I can certainly understand.

I still have SOME trouble with that, although nothing like it used to be. The only way I could resolve it was thru therapy. Part of the whole issue was MY "fault." Why did I LET them make me feel like that?? Why did I give my power away? Why did I give THEM the power to make me FEEL like that? And if I was a child, why did I let it continue into adulthood? There are alot of questions that I had to answer for my own good. It doesn't mean I was weak -- it just meant that I had a misguided image of myself; very low self-esteem which seemed to be reinforced by family.

I urge you to seek therapy too. I can be VERY helpful in dealing with this problem. I hope you will look into it. I wish you the very best! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Open Eyes]

Hi PatBateman,

Well, I don't know if you saw this but you should watch this and see if you get anything from it http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown..._to_shame.html

Also, being that you are a man, it can be harder to get in touch with your emotions because not only do you have a history of verbal abuse, but men are also raised to somehow find a way to stuff their emotions, as it is not manly to express them (As society proclaims)

Also you are a good looking man and often that can lead to others treating you differently, thinking you have it all happening, when you know you don't really, but that is not what others often think or believe when someone is good looking. So, sometimes other people can be stand offish and that can be disconcerting as well, and you may even be a target for comments that may even resemble the verbal abuse you had growing up, yes, that isnt very fair either. So rising above all this is definitely going to be a challenge at this point.

You are going to have to teach yourself HOW to slowly allow yourself to express emotions, and yes that is not easy and you have to be around others that CAN help you explore this venture that you can trust.

Somehow my mind is considering acting classes because there you can LEARN how to express emotions and it is acting so it can be a safe outlet. However you do have to be prepared for some critisizm and an effort to Make you learn to let yourself express. Maybe even private lessons at first if you can manage. And to be honest, we all have actors in us because that is what we are supposed to learn growing up. Now, I know that you don't have that right now, but maybe acting classes could be a way to relearn what should have been allowed out in your childhood.

Give it some thought,

Good Luck and WELCOME TO PC.

Open Eyes

[tooski]

If it's bothering you that you feel cold and emotionless, I'd suggest therapy. I've been in therapy several times (and am now) and it really helps. I think it's very difficult to get in touch with emotions by yourself - how? where to start?

And you're not a monster - on the contrary, you must have been deeply wounded as a child and learned to hide your emotions to survive. Working with a good therapist can help you open up and let those emotions out. It can be very painful, but incredibly freeing and liberating. I hope you find a way to do this - good luck!

[honeybee777]

that what happenes when youve trusted someone and they abuse you...im so sorry, but someone someday, if you aloow them to, will be able to find a specail place in your heart. But thats up to you, your choice!

[possum220]

Not feeling your emotions does not make you a monster. You still have feelings but they are buried.

As others have said....... try therapy with some-one you feel comfortable with. It may take a while, even years for your emotions to resurface.

It may not be pretty when they start to come out.

Good luck.

[Open Eyes]

I just wanted to add that I do agree with others here in seeking help with a therapist.
It is important that you do find a therapist that is good at dealing with this specific difficulty. Not every therapist is good at every issue and it CAN take time to find the right therapist so know this up front and try very hard to make it a point to interview the therapist and see if the therapist will be a good match for you.

I mentioned the acting Not because you are handsome or that you should go into that field. I was trying to think of a place you could work on expressing emotions that is acceptable and even brought out and appreciated.

Often men DO like acting because it does give them freedom to explore emotions outside the realm of what is deemed acceptable in the social atmosphere. And even Comedy is often expressed and done by people who actually suffer in their real life and can somehow use comedy to offset it.

I can't say that it WILL help you, but it is something to consider trying along with therapy, a place you could perhaps work at expressing emotions that is acceptable.
I think as I mentioned that between you being so conditioned in your childhood along with what is expected socially, sure, you have a definite wall you have to break through.

Open Eyes