Learning to trust again and making new friends

After getting out of an physically abusive, manipulative and emotionally damaging relationship I am struggling with learning to trust again and making new friends. I also suffer from PTSD and anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for. I have been healing for close to a year and half and although better emotionally I am not the same person that I once was. I don't think I will ever be.
In my relationship I became isolated due to embarrassment, loyalty to my abuser, and shame. I lost many friends...or those I thought were friends. They simply thought I had gone insane by staying with him.
After the relationship I went NC both with him and others who I felt were toxic to me. I disappeared.
I struggle with making new friends. I don't want to be alone but I don't trust many. I'm afraid of allowing more toxins into my life. I am also embarrassed of who I am and what I have become.
It's impossible to not talk about about the relationship...restraining orders, stalking, fear of this person, to new people as it affected me so greatly...and I don't want to be seen as a person who is defined by this relalationship. Also these type of issues scare others away..healthy people see these as red flags (I would imagine) and this only serves to keep me from not talking and not trying. How will I ever have a real relationship/friendship again.
I'm lonely and afraid. I don't just want to be me again..I want to be a better me.
I don't know where to begin. I'm a new mom and as a result of this relationship I am broke and unemployed. Everything I ever worked for is gone. I am looking and trying so hard to find a job, but the economy is terrible.
Everything is hitting me..and I'm tired and afraid. I'm trying to find hope and I don't know where or what I can do.

It sounds like a professional counselor might be a good idea for you to look into? And/or maybe a group for other women coming out of abusive relationships who could identify with your need to talk about the relationship and support it? Look to your local government, see if they have more resources (other than just restraining orders!) to help someone in your situation.

Thanks,
Yes, I do have a therapist who is wonderful. I'm lucky in that sence.
As far as the restraining order...I above all people know it's just a piece of paper and doesn't mean a thing....
The thing is I just want to be happy, have normal friendships, not be scared or worried about what would/could happen.
I guess that will come in time

try to be easy with yourself. You are working toward healing. Try to first focus on yourself. It sounds like you feel safe with your T, which is fantastic. A great start!

A women's support group could be really helpful! I saw my T after my fiance passed away AND went to to a Grief Support Group. To be able to speak with people in person, who have experiened similar pain, who understand and who are not judgmental was priceless for me.

The rest will come with time. Try to be patient. With your T you will learn to trust yourself again and gain tools to feel better about your decisions.

I wish you the very best! I know you will get there!

It just takes time. Wish there was a majic wand that would help, but trust is something that once broken like that by close people needs time. It took me a long time to not jump and go into fear mode when I saw a man of the same type/build and coloring as my ex. Then I found I still am drawn to that type! That took some T work too. As she said most people have a type they like but that doesn't mean all body types are the same underneath. She was right. Most long tall lean guys I've met since then have been a whole lot nicer. I hope it can help to know that time does heal, the economy sucks and doesn't help how you feel. A goup at a safehouse really helped me and it was free.

Good luck and may time fly swiftly in some respects.