Sick of it.

All of it. I don't get what I did to deserve this. What did I do? I can't think of anything.. I try so hard to be the best person I can and be what everyone else needs me to be.. So how come not one person tries to return the favor at least once in a while? How come I'm not good enough to get that back?

hi hun sometimes people are so centered on them and their issues that dont see others needing help. u can try making them aware of their faults as a friend? doesnt mean ur not good enough not at all. u are good that u did u best when they needed so shame on them for not doing the same. hope things get better soon. tc

If you tell someone that they are a crappy friend it usually only makes things worse I feel like. Thank you for the suggestion. I hope they get better too, but I seriously doubt they will.

if it does then ur way better off. tc

I felt that way ever since I can remember - until a couple months ago ... and for some reason, a light went off over my head, and I stopped being very upset. Many people are selfish and only concerned with their own lil' world.

I started focuing soley on me and being more assertive. In the workplace and in my personal life (my T recommended two books, which I read faithfully and took notes).

Oh boy! At first, I felt soooo uncomfortable. And at times I felt as if I failed miserably! But little by little I am not feeling as uncomfortable...

But (and it's a big one!) I do realize I am a work in progress. I haven't been fabulous about asserting myself (perhaps my delivery could have been better), but I try to be easy on myself about that, too.

Mostly, I really don't care about what most people think anymore. I am not trying to be lovely and perfect and helpful and wonderful to every single person that comes into my life. Especially expecting them to be the same way (I mean wasn't everyone raised with the Golden Rule? )

It's exhausting trying to be everything to everyone. And expecting people to treat others the same exact way.

I hope this helps a teeny bit! It's not you!

You are lovely and wonderful. Focus that energy on you!

I think that is my problem, you are right. I do expect people to act the same way back, at least once in a while. But I also don't understand why that is so bad to expect that either, you know? I obviously know that most times people won't give me the same kind of treatment, but just once in a blue moon isn't asking so much. I know it is not healthy to try pleasing everyone all the time, like you said it is exhausting, I definitely need to work on that.

How do you stop caring what other people think? I'd give anything just to care a little less about that stuff. I'm trying to focus more on me, it's hard though.

What were the names of those books if you don't mind my asking, and would you recommend them?

Yeah, people get pretty defensive when they feel like they're being accused of something.

I understand where you're coming from and I think a lot of us on here do. I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way and I wish I had something to say to help you understand or to make it better. I don't. If I did, I would apply it to my own life. What I do know is that my defense mechanisms in relationships are dysfunctional, which cause people to pull away from me, which only makes me feel more defensive/sad/lonely/angry so I lash out more, which makes people pull away more and makes them defensive...vicious cycle. Idk if you're experiencing any of that, but this is my experience. If I knew what to do about it, I would.



Oh and how to care less about what other people think? Yeah, I don't know really. I mean, I've read some great (kinda inappropriate, haha ) blog posts but what it boiled down to is that yeah, people are going to talk about and judge you. Everyone deals with that--everyone! But (and this is the hard part for me) the best part of it is that it doesn't matter--I think once I make peace with the fact that yeah, people will always judge me--I'll be able to embrace the fact that there is nothing that it can really do to hurt me. I still wake up, take a shower, eat, go to work, and even though they judge me I don't fall down dead. You know? And there are billions of people on the earth. If I screw up or wear something stupid or say something people disagree with well, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter all that much. They'll probably forget next week. If they don't they have a bigger problem than you.

I dont lash out at most people, the only person i do that to is my boyfriend (poor him, I feel terrible that I do it to him..) I just get all depressed about letting myself be such a tool with friends though.

You're right too, I guess I just gotta change the way I think about it all. That's the only way it will start to get better. So much easier said than done, but it's worth a shot.